Children aren't as mature as adults. Ok. Children don't always take to heart what you tell them. Ok.
So because a child is "immature", they need to be spanked? When a person or child is being immature, you rationalize with them. It does work as long as the child is at least 3 or 4, they understand "don't do that it's bad (and tell them WHY)" and then they respect you for that. Spanking the child will simply make them fear the spanking and not respect the parent, hence, more bad behaviour. Every parent and authority figure wants to be respected and not feared (well, most anyways) and this cannot be achieved by physical punishment.
Some children can easily learn if you tell them what they did is bad and why, some children don't. Ok?
Some children will obey their parents more readily than other children, yes, but this does not mean they are incapable of learning and by no means does the child need to be spanked. Raising a child is difficult. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be so many abortions and adoptions and babies found in dumpsters. Just like if a child is having trouble learning to read when they are 5, or learning fractions at 8, or learning to do physics at 15, or driving at 16, life is difficult and is a constant learning process. But that means the TEACHER, or in the case of a parent and child, the PARENT, must take the time to understand the reason the subject is difficult for the child or person. They must find a way to communicate to the child or person in a way that they will learn. If every person that had to learn something new got spanked because they didn't catch on as quickly as others, every person in the world would need a spanking. It's illogical. If a child is dyslexic and the parent just spanks the child because they repeatedly bring home F's for not reading, is that right? The parent would, by your method, take the easy way out by spanking the child because the parent has told them over and over again to apply themselves and learn to read. But what about the child? They can't read because of a disease, but the parent isn't TAKING THE TIME to communicate with the child to discover this issue.
I think we can agree on that...? Anyway, as you said, not every child is the same. There are very disruptive children that just don't learn when you try and explain something to them. Spanking, in this situation, is a viable punishment. That doesn't mean after the child calms down you can't tell explain to them then what they did wrong. Then, if the child begans to learn, you don't need to spank your child again. It should be reserved only if the child gets really out of control and won't listen.
A parent must be able to understand the child's difficulty in properly obeying or the parent isn't being a good PARENT. A parent is there to teach the child and raise them to be good and understand right from wrong. I know many people who were not spanked as children and they actually seem like more stable people than the friends I have who were spanked. I understand a lot of factors go into that, but look at it from the parent's perspective. A parent who spanks their children will continue that method until the child is grown. Not by spanking the child, but by taking the easy way out. If the parent doesn't communicate with the child, then that means the parent is closing off from the child. This is a pattern that the parent continues to follow which causes their child in the future to disobey. The parent gets a call from the principal and is told their child is expelled for punching a teacher. The parent decides, "ok, if my child wants to be bad, then I will send him off to military school so he can learn to listen." The parent is taking the easy way out. The child continued the pattern of disobeying because of lack of respect for the parent to do the right thing. The parent continued the pattern of "taking the easy way out" by not communicating with the child, and in turn, the causes the child to behave worse.
When a baby is born and the mother and father hold the baby in their arms and that extreme feeling of euphoria that fills the parent's hearts is perhaps the most wonderful feeling the world. A parents emotions and feelings and natural instincts are there for a reason. That guilty feeling a parent gets after spanking a child comes for a reason. It is not viable to spank a child. It is not a good punishment in order for a child to learn. The parent needs to be consistent with time-outs or the taking away of privileges in order to make the child learn properly. Just like when a child is having a hard time learning how to read, if the child is taking a long time to learn that running out into the street is wrong, they the parent needs to find another method, aside from spanking, that will make the child learn. Instead of putting the child into time-out, sit down with them and explain that the child will no longer get to see Mom and Dad because they will have to live underground forever if they run into the street. Put it in terms they understand. Children must know WHY something is wrong before they can do the right thing, and it will take a while to learn. It's not easy to teach the child right from wrong, but that's what parenting is all about, the trials and tribulations, and in the end, the reward and pride of having raised an amazing child the RIGHT way.
Edited by firefemme1202, 25 April 2006 - 05:12 PM.