Love and Macaroni
This is my bus. I know that makes me sound a little egotistical but it's true, I've ridden this bus long enough to claim it as my very own. I know all of the different drivers personally, and some of them I consider to be my best friends. Not like that fat big-mouth Ted who always sits in the handicapped seats even though he's not supposed to. The drivers are all nice people who treat me with the respect I deserve.
Larry is my driver today. I like Larry. He always wears a smile and always treats the riders nicely, even the ones who sometimes give him a hard time. Like last Monday, when Larry stopped to pick up some smart ass high school punks. They kept asking him the same questions over and over, as if they were too stupid to understand what stop they wanted to get off at. Then they sat at the back of the bus and started to make a lot of noise. I knew Larry was upset with them, but being the kind person that he is he didn't want to say anything to them. But I took care of it. When I knew that all of the riders had had enough I turned around and told those disrespectful kids to shut the hell up. They just laughed at me, but I knew that I had scared them by standing up to them. Their laughter was just a way to hide their fear from the rest of the riders. They learned that day that this is my bus and I'm not going to tolerate crap from anyone.
I wish there weren't so many people taking the bus today. I don't mind too much when the bus gets crowded, but right now I'm kind of tired and wish I was home already eating a nice hot plateful of macaroni. I like macaroni.
Well, I guess I'm going to have to wait for my macaroni, because Larry is stopping to pick somebody up again. I wonder who it's going to be this time? Judging by the stop it's probably old Mrs. Sanchez. She's a nice enough old lady, but she always smells really bad. It's not just an old people smell either, she smells like she's really sick or something. I heard once that people who are dying of cancer have a bad smell. Maybe she has cancer? She talks to me and tells me about her grand kids all the time but she's never said that she's sick. Maybe she's embarrassed about it? She shouldn't be. People get sick all the time.
Or maybe it's Mr. Parker going to buy dog food? This is about the time he catches the bus to go to the store to buy dog food. I've never seen his dogs but he's told me about them. One's a German Shepherd and one's a Collie mixed with some other kind of dog.
I just thought of something funny. What if it was a Collie mixed with a Chihuahua? I can just imagine it having a big ol' Collie body and tiny little Chihuahua legs. Or maybe it would have a regular Collie body and a tiny Chihuahua head? That would be so weird. Mr. Parker could charge money for people to come and see his freaky dog.
I guess there's no use in wondering who it will be. Larry just stopped the bus and opened the doors so whoever it is...
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
What am I looking at?
I have no idea who she is but she's so beautiful. And she's getting on my bus! Oh my god! She's going to be riding on my bus!
She's talking to Larry now. I can't hear what she's saying, but I think she's asking Larry for directions. Yeah, that's what it was, because now she's looking over to find a seat. Oh my god! What if she sits by me? I have to move closer to the window so that she can see that the seat next to me is available. Should I look away or should I be a gentleman and offer her the empty seat? I want her to sit by me, but I don't know what to do. What's wrong with me? I feel funny. Not funny funny, but bad funny. Like I'm going to get gas or something. That would be bad.
Oh geez, she just walked past an empty seat closer to the front of the bus and now she's heading in my direction! I think she's going to sit next to me! I don't know what to do.
No, no, no! You stupid, stupid man! Damn it! Leave it to Mr. Jameson to dick everything up by leaving his seat to get off the bus just at this moment. And naturally she has to take it. Yeah, right, wave goodbye at me you idiot. Get off my bus and never get back on again.
Okay, calm down. She didn't end up right next to me, but she did sit down in the seat right across from me. At least I don't have to stare at the back of her head the whole trip.
Oh my god, she's so beautiful. No one in the world could condemn me for staring at her. Her straight brown hair just flows down past her shoulders. It looks so soft. I would love to touch and smell it. I bet her whole body smells wonderful. Not like some of the other women who stink like too much perfume or body sweat. No, she's definitely not a pig.
Oh god! She just looked towards my window and I got a good look at her eyes. They're such a deep brown. I love women with brown eyes. I think blue and green eyes are very sexy, but brown eyes are so soulful. They're so warm and inviting. And her's are the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen.
I wish I could see her smile. I love smiles. You can tell everything about a woman by the way she smiles. I just know she has a perfect smile. Her lips look so soft and sweet that I would bet anything that looking at her smile is like looking at the sun. And thinking about those lips of hers, all I want to do is run my tongue all over them. Is that gross? I don't know. It's just what I would do if I had the chance right now.
Too bad it's so cold out, otherwise she wouldn't be wearing such a heavy coat. Still, I can tell by it's outline that she has a gorgeous body. She looks busty, but not too busty. No, she's not really that busty, it's just the material of her coat. But something tells me that her boobs are just perfect. How could they not be? She has the body of an angel, and everyone knows that angels are perfect beings.
Everything about her is so right. She just took off her gloves and all I can think about is feeling her fingers touching me. I want to suck on her fingers. And her toes. And I want to kiss her naked back, all the way from the bottom of her spine to the top of her neck. I want to be looking right into her eyes as I recite a poem I wrote for her.
I love you so much
My dearest, my fair
To feel your touch
Is why I breath air
Your face, your body
Are so divine
To make love to you
Is like being drunk on wine
I am your god
And you are my goddess
And together we are
Damn it! I can't think of a good rhyme for goddess. But that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that we're together...
Oh god! What am I thinking? I haven't even talked to her yet. How am I ever going to recite poems to her if I don't talk to her first? But what should I say?
Okay, just chill. I'm in control. This is my bus and I'm cool. All I have to do is take a deep breath and relax. Okay, maybe a few deep breaths and relax. Yeah, that's better. No prob. I'll just flash her my best bad boy look the next time she looks this way. And she should be looking my way any time now.
Any time now.
Just be patient.
Any time now.
Goddamn it! Why am I so nervous? Maybe I shouldn't wait? Maybe I should just lean over and say hi or something? What would be wrong with that? After all, she did pick the seat across from me. Maybe she's shy and she's actually waiting for me to make the first move? That has to be it. Why didn't I think of this before?
Look at her, sitting there so meek and shy, and waiting for me to make her life complete. It's so clear to me now. She's just as in love with me as I am with her. Poor thing. I shouldn't keep her waiting. To be without love is such a terrible thing. Her dreams have to be as lonely as mine. Wondering day by day, always alone, always hurting. Hurting so bad. Don't worry my love. You don't have to hurt anymore. I'm here. I'm here for you, to be with you always, to be your best friend. To be your lover. To love you forever.
I swear, Larry, my friend, you have the worst timing. You have to pick this very moment to stop the bus to pick someone up. No matter. As soon as we're underway again I'll waste no time and save my poor lonely angel from her painful solitude. God, she's so beautiful. I can't keep my eyes off of her.
Oh ****! I just saw her smile! And it's just as lovely as I had imagined. It made her whole face light up. Her eyes sparkled and her face suddenly glowed like...
No, please, no!
Who the hell is this joker? And what the hell is he doing talking to my angel? Oh god, she just kissed him. On the lips! And now he's grinning the most rapey grin I've ever seen in my life. I feel sick. I really feel sick. I think I might throw up. And now he's sitting down next to her. He made her move next to the window and sat down on the seat she was sitting in. And he just put his hand on her leg. He's in the way and I can barely see her now.
But I don't want to look at her anymore. I'm just going to stare out the window and pretend that she doesn't exist. Nope, there's no one in the seats across from me. Nothing to see there.
Oh god, what is she doing now? She just leaned her head on his shoulder and he kissed her hair. What a freak he is. Now she's giggling over something he said to her. Geez, she's really making a fool of herself, pawing that loser as though he were some studly badass or something. What a sickening display.
Why is she doing this to me? She must have known how I felt about her, so why is she suddenly being so cruel? I loved her. From the moment she stepped onto my bus my heart was all hers. I even made up a poem for her, the ungrateful tramp.
Yeah, that's right, go ahead and laugh now, as if whatever that skinny freak is saying is so damn funny. You must really be a stupid little simpleton. Or maybe it's all an act? Maybe you're actually laughing at me? Damn it, what did I ever do to you to make you want to hurt me so bad? You evil piece of nothing. Man, how long am I going to have to sit here and listen to the two of them mocking me and tearing my heart out? I shouldn't have to sit here and take this. I should tell Larry to stop the bus and throw them out. He would understand. He's my friend and I know he cares about me.
But what if he wouldn't understand? What if he just kept on driving for all eternity while they just sat there laughing at me?
No, that's silly. That would never happen. I know what I really need to do. Eventually Larry will stop the bus and they'll get off. Then all I have to do is get off at the same stop and follow them to wherever the hell they're going. And when I find out where the two of them are having sex I can set the building on fire. I'll block all the exits to make sure that they burn to death. That way they'll feel the same pain that I'm feeling right now.
Or better yet, since I know the stop where she got on I can wait for her there until she shows up to take the bus again. Then I can push her under the wheels. That way she wouldn't be around to hurt me anymore and her loser boyfriend would know what it's like to have his heart torn out of his chest.
God, she's so ugly. I hadn't realized what a loathsome thing she really is. Her hair is all stringy and she doesn't even have a decent set of boobs. I think the worms would gag if they tried to eat her corpse. Even Mr. Parker's freak Chihuahua Collie wouldn't want to take a bite out of her.
Oh look, she pressed the signal to get off at the next stop. Well it's about damn time. I'm sure everybody on the bus is sick of having to smell her disgusting stench by now. That's right Larry, open the doors and let those two disgusting excuses for human beings get off. Just watching them leave makes me feel so much better. They're just freaks and don't belong on my bus.
Just like Mr. Parker's freak dog. A Chicollie. Or a Colliehuahua. That's funny. A Collie body with Chihuahua legs and head. I can just imagine it now. I'd pay money to see that.
My stomach just made noises. I hope Larry doesn't have to make any more stops. I want to go home and have my macaroni.
Copyright © Victor Ward 2013