Personal infallibility

[markdohle]

Personal infallibility

I had a good time with a friend today. We talked about different subjects, events and our interpretation of what is going on. Our differences are many, though this has more to do with our personalities than with issues; it is how we react to certain situations or ideas. I have learned long ago that people need room to think, do, and if need be, to react without me trying to change them, or to set them straight…..I don’t like it when someone tries that with me. In fact friendships can’t survive when this happens. Now to be open and honest with one another, without trying to change, or manipulate, is another thing all together. It is amazing that we as a species can communicate as well as we do, when the difficulties of language is considered, as well as the many years from each of our pasts, that help to give nuisances to so many words and concepts.

There have been times when I just wanted to give up, stop trying to communicate and to withdraw into some kind of cozy shell. Well shells are not comfortable, nor are they cozy, just tight and hard to move around in and always bumping into something. I am sure others find me frustrating when I don’t get where they are coming from, even if I am in good will. Do we come from different planets (?), I sometimes ask myself. I know that there are times when I have been looked at as if I were from another planet or dimension. Best to keep a sense of humor about it all, if not, well there is always that tight, narrow shell with lots of tight place to bump into. Personal infallibility can be a very difficult place to live in. I have been there a few times; nasty place that.

[Q-C]

A lot of what you say can be applied to any relationship, like marriage. Never read it, but the title of the book Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars sure touches on truth.

And I know forcing some kind of change in my husband has never worked in practice. And usually that's a good thing, as he is who he is and he balances me out. (I need a lot of that)

I think we all at some point in life think "What planet am I from? or What planet are you from?".

But as they say variety makes the world go 'round. Or something like that, lol.

Good OP.

[Habitat]

I think it a good idea to bring our expectations of others into alignment with how much commitment or 'work' we are prepared to put into cultivating relationships with them. A bit like a garden really, don't expect a showpiece of glorious blooms if you can't be bothered to water and feed them. You can use the excuse that you don't have "green fingers" for the shrivelled plants, ( I know I do ) just like people blame the bad faith of others for repeated failed relationships whether personal or workplace etc. If you really can't be bothered with the "hard yards" of relationships, you just have to lower expectations of them, it is when the two get out of whack that we go wrong. When you get two people coming together who have very high expectations of the other, but both have little inclination to adjust to those expectations, you have what is sometimes called a "stormy" relationship, but more accurately a necessary learning experience to realise that others are not obliged by the laws of creation to abide by our specifications. There are few spectacles in this life as unedifying as couples still trying to "change" one another after decades together.

[d e v i c e]

I'm a pretty good listener, so sometimes, when all you want is to be heard, the unsolicited advice kills me everytime. I take it as condecending, although I know it's not really. But, people who just accept my part of the conversation,and I know that's difficult at times - will have my love.

Thanks markdohle. An enjoyable read.