Mr Walker, on 16 November 2012 - 09:23 PM, said:
Thats an interesting take on modern parenting and one with many ramifications. Where does a parent's right to impose discipline or the parents beliefs (in anything) begin and end? Currently we are caring for a 15 year old who left home because her parents were "too controling" Turns out they wanted her to clean her room, not go out late at night, help with looking after younger children etc.
We are lined up to care for another who throws rocks at the house, destroys things in in it Screams abuse for hours on end, and is beginning to harm herself and others because she rejects her parents right to "control her" The doctor they took her to, after the police were called in, told them jus tto let her have her way in everything.The police say her parents can only physically restrain her if she is harming herself or another. If she choses to walk into town at midnight and walk the streets they cant physiclaly stop her She is 13 Her options now are to live with us or be put into government care. Her behaviour is destroying the parents relationship and altering the behaviour of younger children to become violent and disruptive as well..
Where a child or teenager is in conflict with a parents basic beliefs values and moralities the parent's (as the responsible adults who run the household) wishes must prevail. The only other option is indeed for a child to leave home, voluntarilly or otherwise, to live as they wish to live. The problem is that modern western teenagers have rights, and an inflated sense of those rights, and no responsibilities or legal obligations.
id say the line is actual real life consequences for not behaving in the way the parents taught.
teenagers should listen to what their parents say about things like not hurting other people, not taking drugs, not stealing...because they have real world consequences (like that hitting people hurts them, drugs are bad for your health...) and dont want their child to end up in jail.
what harm is a kid doing by not wanting to go to church or deciding to follow a different religion to their parents? its not like other religions and atheists are evil with no morals. morality isnt a religious thing, even atheists who were raised by atheist parents have a clear set of morals and most of them wouldnt do things like go around beating people up and sleeping with anything that moves.
the kid you described, who was kicked out of her house was because she was dangerous-harming others and destroying the house and making her siblings violent. being a different religion from your family doesnt have any effects like that-it doesnt hurt others, it doesnt destroy the house, and it wont affect her siblings negatively. it may give them another viewpoint and some may decide to explore other religious options too, but this is a good thing (seriously, any parent who shelters their children from other religious views of their own must be very insecure of their beliefs). the parents reaction to the atheist kid also influences the other kids-if they accept their kids regardless of religion it teaches them a valuble lesson in respecting other peoples beliefs, but if they go crazy and kick out the atheist kid, it will just teach the children that its ok to hate people of different religions, and also teach them that children are only important when they are mini clones of their parents, and if they have any different opinion they could be gone and forgotten.
most kids go through a rebellious stage or threaten to run away from home over little rules, its natural, they dont understand why their parents dont let them stay up late, make them eat vegetables and clean their room, but sometimes its ok to let your kid have a bit of individuality. some things are completely fine (like the kid making their own religious choices) and are just them trying to find their own identity seperate from their parents, and wont really affect the family, unless the parents actually ARE controlling.
i see it differently. i dont have kids yet, but i think i would like to one day, but i would feel like i failed as a parent if all of my children followed my political and religious beliefs and shared all my opinions on things (depending on how many i choose to have, if i had loads i would naturally expect some differences), because that would mean i havent taught my kids to think, ive taught them to parrot back my beliefs.
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