Hello from California

[NakiahBurnes]

My journey has always been awkward. From my earliest memories as a child, I was alternately self-confident in my uniqueness and then a despairing, weird loner. I never really knew what I wanted out of life, just that I wanted to experience it as fully as possible. At one point, just before High school, I “became” a Christian and determined to use my meager linguistic talent as a missionary/Bible translator. This carried me though my first three semesters of college-level Hebrew classes. These seminary courses had an unexpected effect, a desire to convert to Judaism. Eight years later, married, and pregnant with our third child, the opportunity to convert presented itself and my husband and I each felt convinced that Judaism was the ultimate Truth we had really been searching for all our lives. We decided to wait until after the baby was born to begin the process but still teach the Jewish lifestyle to our three preschoolers. Since that time, I began watching the show “Ancient Aliens” on Television. Now, I am not sure what to do. My life is full of turmoil. My faith is shaken and shattered. I still rest on Saturdays and refrain from Pork, I still sing Jewish Prayers with my kids every night. I still sometimes hope for a redemption. But I also am not sure (for the very first time in my life) if there is a G-d out there. A single all-powerful and omniscient, omnipresent, good Creator who is personally involved in the affairs of Earth, let alone my tiny housewife existence. I have a new respect for scientists and atheists who have the courage to be so sure and still get out of bed everyday. While I do not know if the Shemaa (“Hear oh Israel, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One”) I pray with my kids is true or not, I want them to have the benefit of the comfort it provides while they are young. I always considered my faith to be quite strong, but the Ancient Astronaut Theory that has consumed my heart and mind is built on Andesite blocks.

Edited September 30, 2014 by NakiahBurnes

[+OverSword]

Welcome to UM

[Still Waters]

Hello Nakiah. Welcome to UM.

[FollowTheTrail]

Welcome!

[theotherguy]

Welcome to the club! As a fellow Californian, an especially hearty welcome! Have you talked to a rabbi about your faith in your faith?

[NakiahBurnes]

Welcome to the club! As a fellow Californian, an especially hearty welcome! Have you talked to a rabbi about your faith in your faith?

HI Neighbor...

It has been awhile since I have talked with a Rabbi, the nearest one is an hour or so away.