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Our desire for 'like-minded others'


Still Waters

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A path-breaking new study on how we seek similarity in relationships upends the idea that 'opposites attract,' instead suggesting we're drawn to people who are like-minded. The study could lead to a fundamental change in understanding relationship formation -- and it sounds a warning for the idea that couples can change each other over time.

https://www.scienced...60223102840.htm

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On that note, I'd like to add that we are more likely to form friendships and romantic relationships with those that are in close proximity of us. In most cases, but not always, those that are closest us are the most similar to us.

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From the article:

"In a smaller study that led up to this one, we looked at students at KU, a big state university, and several smaller colleges in western and central Kansas," Crandall said. "At KU, people found people who were more similar to themselves than at small colleges, where there just aren't as many choices in friends. At small colleges friends were less similar--but just as close and satisfied, and spent the same amount of time together. We know that people pick similar people at first, but if you go out of your way you can find excellent friends, and meaningful relationships, with people who are different."

Such dissimilar friends didn't necessarily blend their points-of-view over time, the study showed. "Anything that disrupts the harmony of the relationship--such as areas of disagreement, especially on attitudes, values, or preferences that are important--is likely to persist," said Bahns. She added this could be a "cautionary message" for those who think they can change their friends or romantic partners: "Change is difficult and unlikely; it's easier to select people who are compatible with your needs and goals from the beginning."

The researchers said the quest for similarity in friends could result in a lack of exposure to other ideas, values and perspectives. "Getting along with people who aren't like you is really useful," said Crandall. "Friends are for comfort, taking it easy, relaxing, not being challenged -- and those are good things. But you can't have only that need. You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you're loony. If you hang out only with people who are loony like you, you can be out of touch with the big, beautiful diverse world." Bahns notes the drive toward similarity presents the drawback of "limited exposure to different ideas and beliefs" along with rewards like "stability of identity, value systems, and ideology."

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The ideas and findings described here align with my life experience.

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Why a skeptic such as myself would constantly browse these websites is a mystery to those that would dismiss these topics as nonsense.

For a highly educated person to point out the waste of time spent on such philosophies is actually a reflection of their personal bias against what they already think they know and assume others are already of the like mind.

I find there is no point discussing issues with someone that is already of the like mind since that is already the perspective that I have taken, and to join them in their group would make me guilty of the "in group" bias.

On the expectation that I lurk here to find out if there is indeed something I have missed is very much an overstatement, at least when it come to the paranormal and such, but the people here force me to perceive these subjects in a way I haven't before, and that to me is not a waste of time.

I don't think my arguments change peoples' minds, but perhaps they can see things through my eyes. This is not only a key to good communication between people of different minds, but someone who is invested in any kind of relationship can benefit by being malleable to accommodate the rational of the other, thereby constantly evolving their opinions of each other and avoiding stagnation.

I'd imagine this is how Richard Dawkins approaches his relationship with his Catholic wife and vise-versa, but I really don't know what their relationship is like.

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I've always found something similar in everyone,even if they were very different in most ways,and I have had an opportunity to see and learn about different viewpoints .A gift that I am thankful for.

jmccr8

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