Phantom Posted February 27, 2004 #1 Share Posted February 27, 2004 (edited) Being a moderator is all about responsibility and knowing what is and is not appropriate on a message board. For those reasons many members contact me by email to ask for advice in certain situations. This is a glossary of questions asked and answers given by yours truly: Q: Dear Phantom: How long should my signature be? -- jerseydevil666 A: Dear Jersey: Please try and make your signature as long as you can. It's much more important than your article, of course, so try to have more lines of signature than actual text. Try to include a large picture of some weird anime character, plus lots of cute quotes and slogans. People will never tire of reading these pearls of wisdom again and again, and you will soon become personally associated with the joy each reader feels at seeing yet another delightful repeat of your signature. == Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars. What should I do? A: Post the correct answer at once! We can't have people go on believing that! Very good of you to spot this. You'll probably be the only one to make the correction, so post as soon as you can. No time to lose, so certainly don't wait a day, or check to see if somebody else has made the correction. == Q: I saw a long post that I wish to rebut carefully, what should I do? A: Include the entire text with your post, particularly the signature, and include your comments closely packed between the lines. Everybody *loves* to read those long point-by-point debates, especially when they evolve into name-calling and lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, pooface!" exchanges. == Q: How can I choose what subforums to post in? A: Pick as many as you can, so that you get the widest audience. After all, the net exists to give you an audience. Ignore those who suggest you should only use subforums where you think the post is highly appropriate. Pick all groups where anybody might even be slightly interested. == Q: I cant spell worth a dam. I hope your going too tell me what to do? A: Don't worry about how your posts look. Remember it's the message that counts, not the way it's presented. Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that soiled clothing would when addressing an audience. == Q: How should I pick a subject for my new thread? A: Keep it short and meaningless. That way people will be forced to actually read your post to find out what's in it. This means a bigger audience for you, and we all know that's what the net is for. == Q: They just announced on the radio that the United States has invaded Iraq. Should I post? A: Of course. The net has been created for communication. It's the perfect way to inform people about such news events long after the broadcast networks have covered them. As you are probably the only person to have heard the news on the radio, be sure to post as soon as you can. == Please continue to mail with any questions regarding this forum or netiquette in general. I will be delighted to give you advise. After all, that what's a moderator is for. Love to all, Phantom NOTE: this is intended to be satirical. If you do not recognize it as such, consult a doctor or professional comedian. The recommendations in this article should recognized for what they are -- admonitions about what NOT to do. Edited February 28, 2004 by Phantom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X~File_Agent Posted February 27, 2004 #2 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Ok, man I get the point sheesh... Why didn't you just say. If want to know what NOT to do, simply look at X-File's Signature Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mowo Posted February 27, 2004 #3 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Ignore the fact that sloppy spelling in a purely written forum sends out the same silent messages that soiled clothing would when addressing an audience. Hilaireous! I love irony... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughter of the Nine Moons Posted February 27, 2004 #4 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
man_in_mudboots Posted February 27, 2004 #5 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Q: Dear Phantom: How long should my signature be? -- jerseydevil666 A: Dear Jersey: Please try and make your signature as long as you can. It's much more important than your article, of course, so try to have more lines of signature than actual text. Try to include a large picture of some weird anime character, plus lots of cute quotes and slogans. People will never tire of reading these pearls of wisdom again and again, and you will soon become personally associated with the joy each reader feels at seeing yet another delightful repeat of your signature. i like this one in particular. yeah, my sig is long, but i think each little quote is worth while (except maybe the first one ), but i hate htose stupidjapan-amation type things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcginty Posted February 27, 2004 #6 Share Posted February 27, 2004 (edited) Hey Phantom, My dog keeps licking herself, Is that normal? Thank you, McGinty Edited February 27, 2004 by mcginty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thistle Posted February 27, 2004 #7 Share Posted February 27, 2004 (edited) You did make these up Phantom didn't you ?.....please say you made these up Hmmmmm * is now too scared to ask Phantom any more questions * Edited February 27, 2004 by thistle1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyforrest Posted February 28, 2004 #8 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, Under my name it says I am a Paranormal Investigator. I don't want to be a Paranormal Investigator. I want to be a Conspiracy Theorist. Or Forum Divinity. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X~File_Agent Posted February 28, 2004 #9 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Hey now, lets not talk about stupid anime characters, or I'll start calling your avatar some names man_in_mudboots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy Posted February 28, 2004 #10 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, My dog keeps licking McGinty's dog. Is THAT normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazz Posted February 28, 2004 #11 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, I have a fatal case of Headinass syndrome, I have been told as of right now there is no cure. Any advice on how I can keep this from having an influance' in my posts in the future? Gazz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted February 28, 2004 Author #12 Share Posted February 28, 2004 (edited) Hey Phantom, My dog keeps licking herself, Is that normal? Thank you, McGinty Dear McGinty - Be honest now, if you could, wouldn't you? Dear Phantom, Under my name it says I am a Paranormal Investigator. I don't want to be a Paranormal Investigator. I want to be a Conspiracy Theorist. Or Forum Divinity. What should I do? Dear Babyforrest, ofcourse the thing to do is to go on a posting frenzy. This includes, but is not limited to, replies like , and . And ofcourse things like "FAKE!", "ditto" and slowchatting about your cats eating behaviour. By doing this you'll go to Forum Divinity in 4 days or less, with hardly any real effort. Good luck! Dear Phantom, My dog keeps licking McGinty's dog. Is THAT normal? Yes, that would be normal. Dear Phantom, I have a fatal case of Headinass syndrome, I have been told as of right now there is no cure. Any advice on how I can keep this from having an influance' in my posts in the future? Gazz Dear Gazz, having the Headinass syndrome is a serious thing. You are right in stating that there is no actual cure. What you can do to keep it from having influence on your posting behaviour is to read some past posts of the so called "poo posters" and then trying to find some of a recent date. Cannot find any recent ones? My point exactly. OK people, keep posting your questions. We're here to help. Love to all! Phantom Edited February 28, 2004 by Phantom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blood Angel Posted February 28, 2004 #13 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, How do you get your hair so silky soft? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted February 28, 2004 Author #14 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, How do you get your hair so silky soft? Dear Bloodangel, thank you for your question. However, it seems that you've mistaken this forum for that of "Cosmopolitan" or "Fancy Boy". I will forward your question to Abby and Talulah. I'm sure they will be able to help you with your other "member"problems as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyforrest Posted February 28, 2004 #15 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyforrest Posted February 28, 2004 #16 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Hey, it does work! Thanks Phantom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+joc Posted February 28, 2004 #17 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dear Phantom, I am having some trouble understanding the exact meaning of some of the smiley faces. Can you help? What does this one mean: ? What does this one mean: ? And lastly, what does this one mean: ? joc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimm Posted February 28, 2004 #18 Share Posted February 28, 2004 not to mention this one: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepsychoticseaotter Posted February 28, 2004 #19 Share Posted February 28, 2004 Dearest Phantom, Hey those dirty links you e-mailed me are not working. So whats up with that. And don't get smart with me or I will tell everyone about the dirty links you asked for from me. And while I am asking try tackling this one...If everything tatses like chicken what does chicken taste like? Syko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted February 28, 2004 Author #20 Share Posted February 28, 2004 (edited) Dear Phantom, I am having some trouble understanding the exact meaning of some of the smiley faces. Can you help? What does this one mean: ? What does this one mean: ? And lastly, what does this one mean: ? joc Hi Joc, Just know I'm here to help: This one is mostly used when going into deep conspiracy theories when a 13 year old kid wishes to show that he actually knows a lot more than he just posted. Commonly used with similar ones like and . This one is just a cat, get over it. It means nothing. This is trying to say you're like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and that all those infidels should bow before your wisdom. Or whatever you wish to call it. Edited February 28, 2004 by Phantom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted February 28, 2004 Author #21 Share Posted February 28, 2004 not to mention this one: You just did, you little Swedish hacking, cracking UFO guru, you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted February 28, 2004 Author #22 Share Posted February 28, 2004 (edited) Dearest Phantom, Hey those dirty links you e-mailed me are not working. So whats up with that. And don't get smart with me or I will tell everyone about the dirty links you asked for from me. And while I am asking try tackling this one...If everything tatses like chicken what does chicken taste like? Syko Syko, you computer illiterate you. I will just post them here again. Try to click on the links this time: Wet orgy Vintage porn Wet ***** Enjoy! P.S. Chicken tastes like emu. Edited February 29, 2004 by Phantom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepsychoticseaotter Posted February 29, 2004 #23 Share Posted February 29, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doomgirl Posted February 29, 2004 #24 Share Posted February 29, 2004 hey wet orgy doesn't work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy Posted February 29, 2004 #25 Share Posted February 29, 2004 hey wet orgy doesn't work Whew....... I thought it was just me........ Dear Phantom: It has been too many months between orgies for me. Could you please correct the LINK? Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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