59 replies to this topic

[Dr. D]

Hasina, on 13 October 2012 - 08:41 PM, said:

Even meeting in person, a person can lie through their teeth about who they are. The only way you'd actually know a person is to read their mind, which isn't even possible. Trust is the foundation of a romantic relationship. Trust that the person isn't lying, trust that they won't wound your heart.

Couldn't agree more

[Dr. D]

Star of the Sea, on 13 October 2012 - 08:41 PM, said:

Exactly Dr. D! Until you are under one roof you can't possibly know a person intimately.. warts and all lol!  You could meet someone in the"normal" way (if you will!) date, end up marrying and then the marriage fails. In someway communicating though 'prose' can be very romantic, a bit like love letters to one another, how lovely! Each to their own

Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett exchanged more than 600 letters and loved each other passionately without ever touching or seeing one another.  They eventually married, but their love was established through the magic of words.

[Bling]

If a cyber relationship turns into a real life relationship, as mine did, then yes it's good, it's simply a modern way to meet people rather than hang around pubs. But a relationship that is purely based online can only be as fulfulling as the participants make it. If it works for them then great...maybe that's all they need. But unless they are brave enough to bring it into real life it will always be words on a computer screen.

[Star of the Sea]

Dr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 08:59 PM, said:

Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett exchanged more than 600 letters and loved each other passionately without ever touching or seeing one another.  They eventually married, but their love was established through the magic of words.

The power of words through writing can not be underestimated. One kind word for instance from a virtual stranger can lift a persons spirits.. I see it happen a lot, especially here on UM.

Edited by Star of the Sea, 13 October 2012 - 09:33 PM.

[joc]

Dr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 06:43 PM, said:

We have all known couples who met via internet and some claim to have relationships of love.  Is this possible?  On one hand if we say that you cannot love someone without seeing them, we are also saying that blind people are incapalbe of loving.  If we say they need to touch, many romances are interrupted by military service, etc. where they cannot touch.

If we choose to believe such cyber love is possible, then we can see things such as communicating with another person as cyber infidelity.  We can also claim that such a relationship would lack sincerity but real marriages have only a 50% chance of working.

Your opinions?

Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity.  Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity.  So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity.  Just keeping it real......

[Dr. D]

joc, on 13 October 2012 - 09:47 PM, said:

Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity.  Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity.  So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity.  Just keeping it real......

Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

[joc]

I don't think so...what do you think?

[Orcseeker]

Well love is a connection between two people, physical, emotional etc. whatever it may be, I definitely think it is possible. As long as you get to know them, it would take longer but definitely possible.

[Paracelse]

Dr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 11:02 PM, said:

Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

joc, on 13 October 2012 - 11:18 PM, said:

I don't think so...what do you think?

I think there was thread several month ago on the various perceptions of faithfulness.  I'm going to look for it after I had my 3rd cup of coffee

[Leave Britney alone!]

Emotional cheating or an emotional affair is an old concept but does cover cyber or online cheating.

http://en.wikipedia....motional_affair

As far as the quality of online relationships?

Even a normal frienship requires face to face contact and the sense of touch to receive the full benefits of friendship. What happens, on fb for instance, is that we receive dopamine rewards whenever we get a new like or read a new comment, and dopamine is part of our reward system but value-neutral so it will reward us when it thinks we are going to get a pay off, in a normal friendship the pay off is actually having someone before you, that you can see, and touch, because that activates serotonin which tells the dopamine to stop making more because the desired goal is achieved, the warm-fuzzy feeling of bonding.

What happens on facebook is the serotonin never gets signalled in, it never kicks in, thus dopamine keeps pouring in which in the end makes for a less quality relationship, and can even be the start of an addiction.

All dopamine but no actual reward, dopamine just steers us towards rewards, but the dopamine system can be hijacked where one either gets too much of something (salt, sugar, fat) and keeps consuming more, or when one doesn't get enough of something, serotonin in a real world relationship, and dopamine keeps being made toward that end but is never satisfied. This can make online relationships exciting (dopamine rush) but utlimately not satisfying (no serotonin).

Edited by Chasingtherabbit, 14 October 2012 - 06:25 AM.

[Jinxdom]

Dr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 11:02 PM, said:

Is flirting in a real relationship being unfaithful?

No I find flirting makes life much more fun just keep it friendly and playful just make sure you do it correctly and do not forget to give the best of your flirtation tactics to your spouse.(People forget that part). I find flirting to be like juggling chainsaws if you do it correctly it can be interesting and entertaining.... if you do it wrong it can ruin your life and possibly get you killed.

I think that whole "lite" thing is the perfect response to cyber relationships.

[Wordless Wanderer]

In my opinion, it all depends on the two individuals involved. Many people find it easier to open up in front of a computer screen than in person. It all boils down to what your definition of love is. For some love is spending time together, going out on dates and for some its transcends the physical realm and relies more on the emotional level.

A cyber relationship involves the same quality needed for a normal one to work - commitment.

[HDesiato]

If you know your real life partner will be hurt and do it anyway, you negate the validity of their feelings.
The level of comitment and loyalty cannot be guaranteed.
A relationship is a contract. What breaks the contract depends on what can be forgiven by either individual.

It's bad form to yell out the name of your lover's best friend in the heat of sexual passion.
In your mind, were you cheating?

[Ninhursag]

I've met my partner online on a social network .. It was 2 years after we got together that we've seen each other in person for the 1st time .. We're about 4000km apart. They are of different race, religion, nationality and culture.

That was 7 years ago and we are still together.

So yea, I'd say it's possible and it does work. It's all about finding your soulmate. No matter how and where you find them.

[Paracelse]

The real question is:  Why do people go online to find a fling or "love"?  I mean isn't the world big enough to go out and meet people in real life?  What is stopping one person to do so?  The first answer that comes to mind is:  FEAR!  Fear to get caught if you already involved with someone else, less guilt doing so, fear of the self, poor perception of the self.  I'm introvert and I hate going out. But at least I'm smart enough to know that what stops me outside is just as real online.  So stop kidding yourself.  Maybe you've met someone online and things are going great. BUT ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU MISS OUTSIDE?

Edited by Paracelse, 14 October 2012 - 05:34 PM.