Elementary self-confrontation

[behavioralist]

Do you avoid rest until you are quite sure you will go to sleep soon afterward? Is this a conditioned effect, deflected by “getting the most out of your day”?

How do days count when they stop at death? Any day is as good a day to die; any minute as good a minute. Apathy is desperately seeking pretexts, when only not dying ever will do; and that gift belongs to a vanished or vestigial side, evolution into the ape. When you are “reincarnated” as that ape again your parents will be even blinder to it than you are now. “Look, a homo sapiens; I was so hoping for a Honda, but we will have to make do with it!”

If you rest because you need rest and not sleep, then you find yourself confronting yourself: Why is it that any other animal can rest, but the power of duplicity can’t rest in the human adult animal?

Complicated! But only if you try to explain it as a problem of an observer.

What rest provides is an observer confronted by no observer, which is someone who does not exist to the observer while the observer exists to it. Just like parent and child: the child is not a person, but it has the potential to become one. That baleful presence exists to the infant, and like a cow its only celebration besides sustenance is feet taking it away from it.

As a problem of perception there is a whole other scope to it: is it the problem of an individual or, as the conscious finds “impossible”, the problem of a relationship? Is it you who can’t rest this duplicity or is it the relationships founded upon the duplicity?

The observer has a view: I fooled them, and now it’s my feast! But the mind did not invent fooling people; it mirrors it while distracted by a deflective device (Nothing up my sleeve!). So whoever fooled you is feasting restlessly. And that would be every adult since Adam!

Can everyone who has fooled you count on this providing this feast in the future? If rest shows you something about some of them, and how you have been serving as their “enabler” (an enabler being, for example, someone who gets a drunk drinking while believing they are trying to make him stop; in other words they are going through the ritual that never stops him because his part in the ritual is deflective, like a psycho making angry noises and gestures and maybe meeting out a bit of predictable abuse, because he wants the argument to exhaust its momentum without exposing him as a killer, even if it brings the police to the door) up to now, then you will be hearing from tiredness in a new way, a way that says confront yourself again; it’s helping.

Eventually this will culminate in a complete instinct of tiredness, which will stop your foot coming down on a beloved creature you did not even see in the path. No caution, no fear of treading wrong; just harmony.