Perception of God

[ambelamba]

I hope whoever reading this post will be benefited from it.

Some of you guys will disagree, but my life experience tells me that a person's perception on God can be heavily influenced by his surroundings: environment, culture, and people. Some people, especially hyper-religious ones, seem to think that you should submit to the idea of God according to the scripture, not to your life experience. Well, aren't they asking for something very difficult or impossible? Even their perception of God is also affected by their upbringings.

Well, usually the people who have a rather rigid idea on God tend to be from very strict and oppressing upbringings. Or, their innate religiosity was boosted by the zealous atmosphere during the childhood. Yeah, I believe that people are born with different level of religiosity. I don't care what the Scripture says. Everyone's different, period.

My cultural background is a very rigid and inhibited one. A branch of Confucianism based on legalism and stoicism dominated my country for many centuries. The culture nurtures legalism and literalism. Pretty much every religion imported to my ancestors became fundamentalist and extreme. In my home country, Christianity is hated by people because they are tyrannical and push theocracy as the political ideology. The current regime had a very strained relationship with Buddhist leaders because the soon-to-be the ex-president backed Protestantism at the cost of other religions. Yeah, it was pretty depressing.

Let me tell you about my story. I am from a very large clan. My grandfather's grandfather was a Royal servant who married into the Royal family. Don't come to conclusion too quickly. My family lost all the estates because some nasty debt problem. My direct ancestor stood up for some guy who loaned a fortune and lost all the lands, which was a significant portion of the city of Seoul. This humiliation was practically imprinted to the collective memory of my family and...some of the family members became hungry for power and authority.

I was supposed to be the one who raise up my clan and be the meal ticket. My parents wanted me to be a government prosecutor and I did went to one of the top universities in S Korea with the major in Law. I didn't do well because I simply wanted freedom. I wanted to be a comic book artist, and got abused and punished by my father. Well, art was not a viable career in Korea back then anyway. But over the next ten years my mind was slowly breaking apart. When I first went to this university I was recruited by a nasty cult called University Bible Fellowship (UBF). I simply desired to be a good Christian. I wanted to purge out all the sinful nature and lust out of my mind. Over the next few years this completely destroyed my mind and life as a whole. UBF was...very extremist, for the lack of better description. Churches branded them as heretics but they never criticized their way of interpreting the Bible. It was all about the inter-denomination politics. UBF was very independent from Church alliance and that ticked off big churches. But they were never criticized for their extremist mindset. Well, Protestantism in Korea was pretty much permeated by fundamentalism anyway. Denouncing a fundie cult for being fundies was like shooting themselves in the foot.

I feared God because I was constantly taught about the swift judgment of God on sinners. Well, it was mostly my fault because I did not know that there are so many people who get away with tons of vices and sins. I had a very narrow and naive worldview because of my literalist mindset. Guess what, long after I was separated from the military I was diagnosed with some autism spectrum, which made me extremely literal and naive. How do I feel? Bitter. Now I am gradually recovering from this high-functioning autism but the damage caused by my condition is still stuck with me. My inter-personal skills have deteriorated and now I just can't imagine myself going to a single bar and wrangle some random chick. And I don't believe that Mystery Method. I am never a pick-up artist material.

Because of my innate afflictions, it became really impossible to think of God as a kind and merciful one. Well, put yourself in my shoes. Being born with a form of autism and being bullied and abused for the awkward behavior caused by my innate conditions. Can you still love God, if he exists? And some psych medication gave me diabetes. I guess I was born with a turd-load of rotten luck. And given that I was born with a tremendous responsibility for my extended family, the afflictions became even bitter.

Probably not a lot of you guys are born with the herculean responsibility of raising up your clans. Basically it my job for life to putting my whole family up in the social ladder. I failed, thanks to the thorn that was born with myself. You know, life is full of farce. I work as an extra and many people urge me to become an actor because I have this 'marketable' look. So? The physical look means little to me. Being better-than-average-looking doesn't do any good. I am mangled inside. Well, if my accent was better I could have been a decent character actor. But I despise theatre art in general. I seriously considered choosing drama as my minor back in the state university and I quickly realized that I don't want to be someone a notch better than a hooker. (no offense to theater majors) And I am not good for a stage actor at all because my short term memory is atrocious. And I don't want to be "That token Asian guy who is the next James Hong". Aspiring Asian actors would kill to have a career like James Hong. But I really, really despise acting. I am SAG eligible. But I won't join SAG because acting is something that I never want to do. Some folks at work urged me to shoot my headshot but....I don't want to make an ass out of myself. I hate showbiz.

So, let me tell you this: In my book, God is a nasty trickster. He loves to mess with your everything, if you are picked up for wrong reason. God does have his favoritism on specific people such as Kathy Ireland who seems to have had a string of good luck during her whole life. I don't know.

There's this former Korean celebrity who became a businessman, lost his fortune and became a fervent Christian. He claimed that God doesn't help you until your strength completely wears out. You know what that means? That means God will sit back and do nothing just to demonstrate that he is THE MAN. Da Man puts you down and raise you up. How scary is that? Why would God just sit back until you have no strength of your own left? Isn't that unjust? Isn't it too harsh? I know that this kind of situations don't apply to everyone. But there are very unlucky people who became the victims of God's pranks and tricks.

See, I have a very distant relative. An uncle. He is very ill, due to a cancer. He is a nice guy but he has been always stern to me. He likes my father, though. And everyone is waiting for him to die. Kinda strange, isn't it? The truth is, he made an obscene fortune after the Soviet system collapsed. He went to some former Soviet bloc nation and invested in mining. And...his relatives hate him because he wouldn't support anyone. I shouldn't be having any hope because chances are I am not on his will. There are less than a dozen youngsters in the whole extended clan and I am virtually a stranger.

I guess God loves to F with my mind and tease me. I want him to stop. Well, gotta go to bed early I gotta work for Grey's Anatomy tomorrow.

[Gummug]

Hi Ron. Thanks for sharing...that is a very sad story. Since you shared your story, I'd like to share mine, which is similar to yours in bad luck (not all bad though!), but it's late right now so I will probably try and share it tomorrow or Saturday. Again, thanks for sharing and I hope things get better for you.

[Mr Walker]

Of course god is largely as you perceive him to be. The relationship with god is a peculiarly personal one.

Given your state of mind at the moment, I imagine you would have a hard time esptablishing a positive relationship with anyone, including god. I hope your negativity is only brief, because it will corrode eveything in your life if it endures. Two bits of advice which are free and probably worthwhat they cost.

First pursue YOUR interest or where you have natural talents. If that is comic book art, then give it a shot. If you are good enough at anything and persevere you can make a succes of it.

Second don't try and pick up girls in bars You will have better luck almost anywhere else, even in a library. Have faith in yourself, trus t your self, be honest with your strengths and weaknesses. Develop a plan and work on it. Dont rely on inheritance luck or other people You have incredible good fortune and opportunity. Dont accpet debts others try to impose on you, but do what you can when you can for others. Work on yourself to build your ability talent skills and to keep your self and your mind occupied Make what money you can but dont worry about it in itslef. All work, from honest manual labour to the most skilled intellectual work has value and helps you grow. Dont waste a minute of the time you have. If you work really hard, you will need some time to relax and recuperate but occupy yourself profitably first, and make time for the recreation rather than the other way around.

For example, if you work 70 hour weeks you wont have much time for recreation, but that time playing or resting/relaxing will be more meaningful and profitable to you than if you have all week to do nothing.

Your condiion sounds a liitle bit like aspergers. While that has an effect on a person, it can be used as a real advantge in many jobs and there are very highly succeesful engineers drafts men etc with that condition . I wish you well, but a lot will depend on you turning around your own state of mind.

If you ever get a chance, watch the movie titled "My name is Khan"

Ps i know a bloke born without any arms or legs. "He has made a success of his life and has almost always loved god and thanked god for the life he has. Although he said that, as a teenager, he did go through a period of discouragement.

Edited February 22, 2013 by Mr Walker

[White Crane Feather]

Hi Ron, a good friend of mine and many of my students are on the spectrum, ironically he is diabetic aswell. The funny thing is that you sound just like him. He has your exact attitude. The funny thing is that his mother and father are both attorneys and he grew up in a very upscale American neighborhood.

I can't imagine what it would be like growing up on the spectrum in korea would be like, it's atrocious enough for kids right here in American suburbia.

Here is the deal. You are obviously very creative and thoughtful, so I'll toss this out there and Mabey you could think on it for a while. This negativity that you feel, although, stimulated by events in your life, may just be a result of your spectrum disorder mixed with blood sugar problems, then you throw a little cronic depression ontop of that, and there is recipe for truely negative gogles. Being diabetic, you need to pay very close to what your chemistry is doing. You already know to watch your foods, but if you were to drink a full class of raw organic juices from different organic fruits and vegetables a day, eat a handful of cashews, and take vitamin c ( liquid form) and a vitamin b supplements, I bet you would start to feel a bit better. If you were really adventurous, you could work your way up to running a half marathon.

So I'm going to be blunt. I'm sure haveing autistic tendencies you will appreciate that. One of your major problems with women is this very negativity. Being on the spectrum you probably don't know when to not talk about these things in social situations. Potential mates don't want to hear about these things yet, nor your views on religion, nor any other pet peives you have. Aspergers and spectrum people seem notoriously self centered. They are no more than the rest of us, they mostly just don't know how to lie and hide it like the rest of us.

They key to getting around this in relationships is to be aware of it and make every aspect of it known right away. A potential mate or Somone that you like should not discovery your tendencies on their own. You should educate them. As a spectrum person you are not going to be able to hide that you don't fully understand the social language, so just tell them straight up all about it. Honesty is a the most wonderful trait of spectrum people. You don't have to guess about them.

My friend despite being overweight, fixated on role playing games, and generally awkward, has managed to land some ladies. I helped him manage his match.com profile to express his honesty and educate ladies from the beginning what to expect from his aspergers. As long as they are aware of it, educsted on thr matter, and it's not a surprise, they don't scare as easy.

Ron, women are wonderfully diverse, and there are a ton of lonely women out there looking for Somone just like you. You just need to put that creative mind of your to good use.

Also your pain is not your fault. Your circumstances mixed with your chemistry has given you some very negative goggles. You should go see a counseler, stay focused on changing your diet, and do everything you can to take them off. You will be happier and shed a lot of the negative thoughts that churn inside of your mind, I promise.

Let me know if I can help at all. Especially in the lady department. ( in pm of course) If you decide to use an online dateing service, and you should, I know you can find Somone. Just make sure they know about your spectrum problems in your profile. In fact, you are welcome to run it by me and I'll help you make adjustments.

Take care.

Edited February 22, 2013 by Seeker79

[Mr Walker]

I was listening to an expert on this area on the radio the other day They explained that two types of women are particularly attracted to men within the mild autistic range, and especially aspergers. That is, those identical or similar, who understand and can live compatibly, and those exactly the opposite who are very emotional caring and nurturing.

Although it is hard enough for anyone to find the right partner they are out there. As seeker says be honest and be yourself but at the same time develop skills that enable oyu to grow in confidence Most women like a confident and honest man.

One trick is just to aim to establish friendships with women from relatives neighbours or work colleagues. In doing this you learn skills and appropriate responses that enable you to relate to women in a romantic way "later" or in addition to these friendships. There are a lot of women who appreciate a male friend who is not interested in them sexually, but can just be a friend and bring things to their life that they may miss. I once inmy twenties) sold Amway products and most of my clients were women of all ages. Because i had spent a lot of time with my mother and grandmother as a child, i knew how to relate to them. MAny women bought things and became regular customers just for time and company. They gave me cakes etc.

I had to actually say to many that they didnt have to buy stuff. If they wanted an hour's company and conversation over a cup of tea and cake, I was happy to be there for that alone.

Women seem to need companionship more than men, and even today many feel a lack of this. Be a friend first and gain the benefits that brings. Women will teach you the art of conversation and relationships just by being with them.

[ambelamba]

Guys, thanks for all the inputs. But I really want to discuss the nature of God, not dating. It makes me even more depressed. I do have a match.com account and it doesn't work at all.

[Mr Walker]

Guys, thanks for all the inputs. But I really want to discuss the nature of God, not dating. It makes me even more depressed. I do have a match.com account and it doesn't work at all.

Then if you want a relationship with god, you have to find a way that accomodates that positively, within who and what you are.

This will be entirely different to how I relate to god and accomodate him, because i am entirely different to you.

I could give you all sort of trite but true advice like "god loves and accpets you just as you are" and "if you take god into your heart and mind he will heal both" .

But it begins with you. Your desires and needs and perceptions. You have to strike your own balance with god, just like you have to do with every other self aware being you come into contact with. Treat god like you would someone you love and care about. Think of god as being a part of you and living already within your heart and mind. Then love yourself , who you are, and what you are, and ACT like a person who loves and respects themself.

This means you are already in a loving relationship with god.

Ps the right woman/ man in your life can do almost as much as god to prevent depression, loneliness and despair, so listen to the dating advice as well.

Edited February 24, 2013 by Mr Walker

[ambelamba]

My life experience tells me that God is not necessarily good. The only emotion I want to bear toward God is indifference.

If I had a better financial and career situations I wouldn't give a damn about God or spiritual things. Most people hate talking about it in person, AFAIK.

Probably I should ask God to bless me real good one time and just leave me alone. I've suffered enough and I don't want to suffer anymore. The only stress I want to experience is the positive stress that makes me stronger, not the life-wrecking one.

May I say freely about another member or two? I am not gonna name the name but there's at least one whose life is more afflicted than mine. But I don't want to compare mine with his because of the obvious reason. I just want him to have a stable and productive life. I really hope.

As as for a woman or two, I am not ready financially. I can't be a solid provider. I got this attitude because Asian women demand material things, period. And I don't think Caucasian women are not different from them,

And finally....SCREW GOD, PEOPLE FIRST.

[ambelamba]

I'll tell you guys a story.

Years ago I attended this small church in LA. One of the members was a mentally disabled man with a fairly rich father who was on life support. His father owned a strip mall, but his sisters took all the rental incomes and he was left with a shabby apartment and a crappy computer. One night, folks went out for some tea. At the tea house, this guy, named Henry, told me that he would introduce a girl to me. I said OK.

What happened was he showed a picture of his five-year old niece. And I almost punched him.

[ChloeB]

I guess God loves to F with my mind and tease me. I want him to stop. Well, gotta go to bed early I gotta work for Grey's Anatomy tomorrow.

My life experience tells me that God is not necessarily good. The only emotion I want to bear toward God is indifference.

If I had a better financial and career situations I wouldn't give a damn about God or spiritual things. Most people hate talking about it in person, AFAIK.

Probably I should ask God to bless me real good one time and just leave me alone. I've suffered enough and I don't want to suffer anymore. The only stress I want to experience is the positive stress that makes me stronger, not the life-wrecking one.

May I say freely about another member or two? I am not gonna name the name but there's at least one whose life is more afflicted than mine. But I don't want to compare mine with his because of the obvious reason. I just want him to have a stable and productive life. I really hope.

As as for a woman or two, I am not ready financially. I can't be a solid provider. I got this attitude because Asian women demand material things, period. And I don't think Caucasian women are not different from them,

And finally....SCREW GOD, PEOPLE FIRST.

This pretty much sums up my perception of the Christian God, that religion, and pretty much all the people who follow it. You're a filthy sinner, you can't help it so why bother? Because to bother, to try, is pointless, that's not what God cares about, your acts, but your worship and groveling is what he's after, then you get the get out of jail card. So steal the bike and then ask for forgiveness, THAT gets the reaction out of God. Not stealing the bike goes unnoticed. The key is that asking for forgiveness is the foundation of it all. End of story.

Edited February 25, 2013 by ChloeB

[Mr Walker]

This pretty much sums up my perception of the Christian God, that religion, and pretty much all the people who follow it. You're a filthy sinner, you can't help it so why bother? Because to bother, to try, is pointless, that's not what God cares about, your acts, but your worship and groveling is what he's after, then you get the get out of jail card. So steal the bike and then ask for forgiveness, THAT gets the reaction out of God. Not stealing the bike goes unnoticed. The key is that asking for forgiveness is the foundation of it all. End of story.

Is that a fairly catholic attitude to god? Its not like anything I have encountered in any of the many protestant churches I have encountered as an adult in austrlalia;

BAsically god loves Us. He has already forgiven our sins which come from being human and thus imperfect. All we have to do is admit to them, make restitution for them as much as possible and sincerely promise to try and sin no more.

Basically god judges our hearts and minds. Our acts are irrelevant. eg to steal to feed a child may be an act of love but to steal for material goods is an act of greed. However stealingto feed a child may also harm someone else, and so we still need to realise it is wrong, try to make restitution if and when we can, and try not to steal again, unless we have no other choice. We could also ask god to help us find food for the child, legally.

[ambelamba]

After observing all the vices and debaucheries in Hollywood, I came to realize that God is not just.

[Orcseeker]

Well yeah; isn't the story of Satans rise and fall to signify the little man will always be beat by the man on top?