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Is there a secret to a happy marriage?

adam gopnik happy marrige secret

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#16    White Crane Feather

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 04:56 PM

The secret to a happy marriage is simple but difficult. Both parties must be content with themselves and have no need for another, but they come together to enhance their lives and not to fill in gaps or expectations. When this type of union exists the marriage is a powerful example of what two people can acomplish together.

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#17    Leah G.

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 05:12 PM

Well, for what it's worth, I've been married for 35 years. The main rule to follow isn't just about your marriage, it's for your life. The golden rule, treat others the way you'd like to be treated. Oh, we have a few others in there, we don't go to bed mad, (not too often anyway), always kiss before sleeping or leaving, being silly together, don't swear at each other, which makes for some pretty funny fights. I mean how can you get mad at someone calling you a buggersnotfart, really? We are not throw away people, we fix what we have and make it last, that includes the marriage. We do nearly everything together and don't have "ME" time longer than 15 minutes. No matter what we do, the other is always welcome to go along with. I don't want to give you the impression it was always easy, we've hit some hard times but we always work threw it. Looking back, the problems were very small and sometimes petty so always aim for tomorrow together.

My wisdom for the day, hope it helps whoever reads it.


#18    Odd Requiem

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 06:25 PM

Leah G., 35 years is impressive.

However, I'd have to disagree on spending every waking moment together, sans 15 minutes of "me" time. I think having time apart is healthy. I'm not talking days, but maybe an hour here and an hour there.

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#19    ealdwita

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 06:39 PM

Separate beds, separate bedrooms, separate houses, separate towns. (That should do it!)

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#20    Professor Buzzkill

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 07:17 PM

Great Sex! And lots of it....







with as many different people as possible :whistle:


#21    goodconversations

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 08:30 PM

I don't believe there's a secret to it. Happy marriages happen to be happy because either the two parties to it remain the same,or they change in a way that they still choose one another (changing and falling in love with same person).

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#22    little_dreamer

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 11:00 PM

View Postealdwita, on 01 April 2013 - 06:39 PM, said:

Separate beds, separate bedrooms, separate houses, separate towns. (That should do it!)

You may be right.  Some couples don't live in the same household.

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#23    Artaxerxes

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 11:10 PM

I'm 60 years old and married to the same woman for 39 years.   My secret?  Let my wife be herself and she does the same for me.  

I like to think of life like being on a surfboard and I'm heading into shore.  My goal is to stay up on that board and get as far in to shore as possible without falling off the surfboard.   The shore of course is symbolic of crossing over to the other side which I'm a big believer in.  

You want to have as good a ride as possible so I try and do the things that give me a nice smooth ride.   Don't go looking for rocks to crash into.  It's a very Taoist way of thinking.  Wu-wei or "action through inaction."   In Taoism it's the tree that bends that doesn't break whereas the tree that stands up straight and refuses to bend ends up breaking off.   I

Like water going downhill going around rocks instead of crashing into the rock.  

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Edited by Artaxerxes, 01 April 2013 - 11:11 PM.


#24    White Unicorn

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 01:12 AM

View Postciriuslea, on 01 April 2013 - 02:44 AM, said:

Is there a* secret, surely what makes a marriage happy has to be different for each couple, but its one of the most endearing sights is seeing a couple who live near me still holding hands at what must be 70 while they walk the dogs

Years ago, but I always remember a couple in a nursing home, she was blind and he was crippled but they were so happy together even when they needed to move to assisted living. They were always lovey dovey.  One day he died and just a few days later she was gone too. They were married 70 some odd years, they had a full and beautiful life together. I always tease my spouse, I want us to be like them, and we can chase each other around in our wheel chairs and make the youngin's jealous LOL


#25    White Unicorn

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 01:17 AM

View PostFrank Merton, on 31 March 2013 - 01:30 PM, said:

One rule-of-thumb:  if all the in-laws on both sides are sure it won't work out, it almost certainly will.

There's a lot of truth in that! Either you know it will work and already know how to overcome all the problems you face or you both just hang in there for years just to prove every body else wrong LOL

Edited by White Unicorn, 02 April 2013 - 01:17 AM.


#26    The Unseen

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 02:20 AM

Yup.for the guys,keep the toilet seat down and when they talk to you ,Listen,when they want to argue,let them but remain humble and kind,If they ask you if "Does this dress make me look fat say  Yup PHAT,pretty hot and tempting or no.or tell them'What you talking about,your  my heart,when they want to go out take them.Let them know they are what keeps your heart pumping,Never never forget to tell them You LOVE them,at least twice a day,Open the car door for them,all the things they deserve.
Women,Dont Talk to much,when watching the game get out of the way,feed them when they are hungry,dont kick their chins when they leave the seat up on said toilet.wear our favorite purfume for us,not much is asked from yall,at least not from me,and please for all our sakes,Let us be men.
now for the both of yall,RESPECT ONE ANOTHER!!!!!! and Love each other a LONG TIME!! Never ever go to bed angry at each other,treat each other the way you want to be treated,Enough said.


#27    The Unseen

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 02:49 AM

View PostLilly, on 01 April 2013 - 02:21 AM, said:

Must be a very well kept secret as I've not seen too many happy marriages.
You poor girl.


#28    ciriuslea

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 03:05 AM

View PostWhite Unicorn, on 02 April 2013 - 01:12 AM, said:

Years ago, but I always remember a couple in a nursing home, she was blind and he was crippled but they were so happy together even when they needed to move to assisted living. They were always lovey dovey.  One day he died and just a few days later she was gone too. They were married 70 some odd years, they had a full and beautiful life together. I always tease my spouse, I want us to be like them, and we can chase each other around in our wheel chairs and make the youngin's jealous LOL

I think most people would want that....a life with someone you love...but more importantly who love you back just as much....


#29    Zaphod222

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 04:02 AM

Yes of course, and it is not a secret either:

Lots of sex, and no nagging.
Voila, happy marriage.

Alas, females have a built-in tendency for the reverse recipe, once married.

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#30    Frank Merton

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 04:09 AM

View Postgoodconversations, on 01 April 2013 - 08:30 PM, said:

I don't believe there's a secret to it. Happy marriages happen to be happy because either the two parties to it remain the same,or they change in a way that they still choose one another (changing and falling in love with same person).
Yea, there is no secret -- there is no rule.  There are some things that are bound to either break a marriage or to make it unhappy, but there is nothing that guarantees that it will be happy.





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