Miss Shadows Posted March 2, 2014 #1 Share Posted March 2, 2014 It was last Thursday in the corner of a coffee house that I decided to divulge a particularly disturbing dream to my friend. He sat there and listened, espresso in hand, as I recounted the details in slow, staccato tones, and at long last finish I sat back and permitted his commentary. "But I still don't understand" he slurred, "what was so terrible about it?" "Truthfully? I'm not sure." He implored "but you must know. It's your dream." I shook my head tiredly. "Was it the way she looked?" My friend inquired. "No, no, she was a beautiful little doll. She had these gorgeous brown eyes and anyone would tell you she was lovely." "Well it must've been something. Perhaps the way she was?" Again I shook my head. "She was a sweet doll, and I'm sure all the other dolls must've thought so too. She was actually very popular, lots of little friends around her, and she seemed happy what with that smile painted on her porcelain." My friend looked perplexed now, and seemed all the more determined to try and understand. "Well, what were you doing in the dream?" I thought back gingerly to my dream and the doll and everything else. "She was broken and I was trying to fix her." I finally replied. After everything else I thought this might drive my friend mad. Frustration, impatience, hurt and misunderstanding welled in his face all at once, and more than ever I wanted to make him happy as I sat across that long, long table from him, just out of touch. "I just don't understand!" he exclaimed. "What was so frightening about your dream? About this beautiful, perfect doll you were trying to help? What was so horrible about all of that?" Knowing that this friend, nor the next nor anyone else would ever know, I simply looked up and said in a clear and hollow voice: "She knew my name." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissJatti Posted March 2, 2014 #2 Share Posted March 2, 2014 great story for kids on old hallows eve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonardo Posted March 2, 2014 #3 Share Posted March 2, 2014 (edited) Perfection is terrifying. We can understand flawed, but we cannot comprehend perfection. Nice story. Edited March 2, 2014 by Leonardo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Waters Posted March 2, 2014 #4 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I wasn't expecting that ending. Very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVG Posted March 2, 2014 #5 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I enjoyed your story and the way you presented it. If you have more please post.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Shadows Posted March 3, 2014 Author #6 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Perfection is terrifying. We can understand flawed, but we cannot comprehend perfection. Nice story. Interesting observations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonardo Posted March 3, 2014 #7 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Interesting observations Thank you. May I ask if your story is somewhat self-analytical? Is it a fiction, or are you relating an actual conversation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted March 3, 2014 #8 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Nice story....had it been an urban legend then it would have been scary, but it was YOUR dream, so ofcourse she knew your name....she was in YOUR dream. The brain stores the info, your brain, so the fact that a character in you dream knows your name is not at all surprising...you put it there. Nice story though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Shadows Posted March 3, 2014 Author #9 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I really had a dream being talked about in this story, however the conversation is fabricated, and the friend sitting across from me is not one real friend, but he represents someone/something, Leo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Shadows Posted March 3, 2014 Author #10 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I appreciate the feedback ftr, some of our best constructive crit comes from our more literal readers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freetoroam Posted March 3, 2014 #11 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I appreciate the feedback ftr, some of our best constructive crit comes from our more literal readers. Actually I now see I was mistaken, I should have seen what section this was in...writers section, which should have told me, NOT to take it literally. A nice story just got better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Shadows Posted March 7, 2014 Author #12 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Thanks very much all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarakore Posted March 11, 2014 #13 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Don't really understand this at all or why I like it but something about it really feels right. Seems really fresh and new too. It doesn't seem scary to me in the least but instead is somewhat frustrating which makes the enjoyment of it all that much more puzzling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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