Is monogamy making us miserable?

[Persia]

Marriage can be tough. But one expert believes it doesn’t have to be – that our ‘one mate for life’ rule is unrealistic, unnecessary, even unnatural. We dare to ask if, perhaps, he has a point.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/8749599/Is-monogamy-making-us-miserable.html

[Lilly]

I guess the excuse of "sexual addiction" for cheating isn't working out so well. Sorry, but I don't buy this excuse either.

My take on all this: If you want to sleep around, don't get married.

[Trog]

This is easy to explain if we look at the road map invented by Pythagorus called Numerology , many people don't ask for marriage in this life , certain religious orders for instance , but many ordinary men and women who came out of an unhappy marriage in their previous life need time to reevaluate their direction and purpose , work out what went wrong and how to avoid such mistakes next time . And .

Those people on the fifth pathway are the ones who need their freedom , if they're tied down they stagnate and wither and die , figuratively speaking , but without these people divorce lawyers would have a lot less work .

The real question here is , 'should or can people ever be perfect'? I don't think so .... Even those who don't ask for marriage don't always like the idea of shunting around or remaining celibate , so then they follow their Freewill and marry and cause karmic problems for themselves .

For monogamy to work each person would have to marry their ''Soul Mate'' and over thirty years I've only seen this happen a handful of times .... I still believe that a legally binding contract is necessary to protect the children , which means a lot of marriages will always be less than perfect , but maybe endurance and tolerance are the lessons to learn .

[Bildr]

Marriage can be tough. But one expert believes it doesn’t have to be – that our ‘one mate for life’ rule is unrealistic, unnecessary, even unnatural. We dare to ask if, perhaps, he has a point.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/8749599/Is-monogamy-making-us-miserable.html

Sad. Humans always tend to put an excuse of their own attitude on genetics or others excuses. Soon serial killer and pedophile won't be render responsible of their own act because we will say that their genetic bought them up to do that? Nature vs Nurture debate.... and i tend to nurture opinion.

like lily said; "If you want to sleep around, don't get married."

[Ratte]

Isn't this what they made swingers clubs for? If you want to get married and still have sex with other people, I suggest marrying a bi-sexual who is into threesomes.

[H.H. Holmes]

People just don't find value in commitment anymore, they want to have their cake and eat it too. If you want to sleep around with numerous people, then don't get married.

Whatever happened to restraint and self-control? Are we all just a bunch of apes running around in suits? We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard and not use the excuse of genetics to act our desires no matter how destructive.

[Ozner]

So no mentioned of STD's? Infection rates would skyrocket if everyone gave up monogamy.

[DynamiteWithALaserBeam]

Is it even worth getting married? Half of all married couples in the U.S. get divorced anyways. I wonder if it's because divorce isn't really frowned upon anymore. Also, people have more options because of social networking sites... You can re-unite with someone from high school or wherever much easier. Men are known to "spread their seed", but I wonder if society is de-evolving and we might as well live in trees throw our crap at each other. Sorry if this is dramatic, I feel men in particular don't have a romantic bone in their bodies.

[Wickian]

The majority of people get far too jealous to ever give up monogamy.

[Bendy Demon]

I loved the part where it basically stated that monogamy was imposed on men and furthermore it stated, more or less, how monogamy was unnatural.

Well, if we are gonna be on the "natural" versus "unnatural" kick then one could say that most everything we do is "unnatural".

Marriage is a commitment which should not be taken lightly and even if there are problems, that does not excuse on partner from going and sleeping around.

For that matter if one finds the idea of marriage restrictive and hates the idea of being faithful and honoring a committed and official relationship then simply don't get married.

If one is married how can one then justify sleeping around? It shows blatant disregard for your partner, your kids and the whole marriage. It also shows an equally blatant disregard for oneself too.

If I am in a marriage, for example, I certainly do not want my partner to be going around and hopping in the sack with others, to me that is not only hurtful but it is dishonest and tells me that my spouse has no regards for the vows we took.

And if one of us, if not both, are that unhappy with the marriage then I feel it is only right to wait until the marriage is annulled before we go on to other relations.

However it seems to me that our society is so overly obsessed with sex that we will use any excuse we can to rationalize throwing excrement on anything that has the smatterings of sanctity.

Edited September 17, 2011 by Ryu

[Ratte]

Sorry if this is dramatic, I feel men in particular don't have a romantic bone in their bodies.

I'm very romantic (at least, I like to think I am). I buy Nikolai flowers and take him out to dinner all the time. Sometimes we just cuddle for hours.

Edited September 17, 2011 by Ratte

[Timothy]

If you want to sleep around, find someone who wants the same thing or be good at getting away with it.

[Timothy]

So no mentioned of STD's? Infection rates would skyrocket if everyone gave up monogamy.

You do know that you don't get STI's every time you sleep with a stranger right?

[H.H. Holmes]

You do know that you don't get STI's every time you sleep with a stranger right?

The more strangers you sleep with, then the higher the chance you have of contracting an STD.

[Ozner]

There's a difference between plural marriage though and sleeping around a lot. The former can have no more risk of STD increase if there are a set number of people involved in the marriage and you know that none of them are infected. Still, with more people involved there is a risk that one of them will cheat and go outside the plural marriage, and with more people involved there is a greater risk due to increased numbers. There are ways to limit risks with relationships outside of monogamy, but the risks might always be greater.

Edited September 20, 2011 by Ozner

[Dendera]

This whole debate has been around for years...and I really think its more of an excuse than anything else. "I can't help it Marjory, it is in my genes."

Not every culture believes in marriage and really if marriage isn't your thing then --just don't do it.

[Tari]

Sad. Humans always tend to put an excuse of their own attitude on genetics or others excuses. Soon serial killer and pedophile won't be render responsible of their own act because we will say that their genetic bought them up to do that? Nature vs Nurture debate.... and i tend to nurture opinion.

like lily said; "If you want to sleep around, don't get married."

Abit of topic but;

Although the behavioral patterns of serial killers have long been attributed to external (that is to say, social) causation, psychologists have recently begun to examine the biochemical circumstances underlying behavioral precursors of serial violence. A British philosopher, G.H. Lewes, noted that, " Murder, like talent, seems occasionally to run in families" (1,2). The observation, while loosely empirical in nature, has proven common enough to catalyze widespread research to identify a genetic factor resulting in a behavioral predisposition to violence. As yet, no single gene that unequivocally stimulates socially maladaptive aggression and violence has been isolated (1). However, several studies have traced psychological disorders, many of which are associated with aggression, through familial lines.

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro01/web3/White.html

Our genetics could infact controll more then we do give it credit for

[Toadie]

Pedophiles actually use a different part of their brain

People are unhappy because they live unfulfiling life

[Alienated Being]

Unfaithful, disrespectful and selfish women cheat. Faithful, self-respecting and selfless women don't. If you're unhappy with a partner, leave him - don't cheat. It's that simple.

I'd love to have a woman to spend my life with - I just haven't found them yet.

[Tari]

"Social monogamy refers to a male and female's social living arrangement (e.g., shared use of a territory, behaviour indicative of a social pair, and/or proximity between a male and female) without inferring any sexual interactions or reproductive patterns.

In humans, social monogamy equals monogamous marriage. Sexual monogamy is defined as an exclusive sexual relationship between a female and a male based on observations of sexual interactions.

Finally, the term genetic monogamy is used when DNA analyses can confirm that a female-male pair reproduce exclusively with each other. A combination of terms indicates examples where levels of relationships coincide, e.g., sociosexual and sociogenetic monogamy describe corresponding social and sexual, and social and genetic monogamous relationships, respectively." (Reichard, 2003, page 4)

I would argue that monogamy is a wonderfull goal, it is in it self both counterproductive and unatural seeing that our instincts include reproduction but not finding a soul mate.

No i do not suport "cheating" on your significant other

But in a respective way open the discussion about it.

"When two people fall in love and develop an intimate relationship, they begin to include their partners in their concepts of themselves. People feel like they acquire new capabilities because they have the support of close partners. "I might not be able to handle parenthood by myself, but with the help of my partner's good parenting skills, I'll be a good parent." Several studies have shown that concepts of self and partner begin to overlap in the manner predicted by the self-expansion model.

According to the self-expansion model, people experience a lot of self-expansion at the beginning of relationships when they constantly learn new things about themselves and their partners. Rapid self-expansion pushes satisfaction to very high levels. However, as the relationship matures, the rate of self-expansion slows, and people experience a relative decline in satisfaction. This may help explain the loss of satisfaction as the marriage matures."

Wouldnt the logical conclution be that; 2 keep ourself happy and satisfied, humans need to find a new significant other after some period of time?

Yes i said it.. and i am a femail.. who cries when thinking about being cheated on

[WoIverine]

Ah, look at what we have here. The moral slippery slope continues!

[Tari]

Ah, look at what we have here. The moral slippery slope continues!

yeah and?

Just because it may be a touchy subject, one should avoid even to theorize about it?