Bizarre Deaths

[Agent_21]

Bizarre deaths.

Thomas May - This British historian grew so fat that he began to support his double chins by tying strips of cloth around them. Unfortunately for him, as the chins increased in size the cloths tightened and choked him.

Jack Biggars - An 18th century British glutton. His final meal killed him It consisted of six pounds of bacon, one dozen suet dumplings, a large green salad, a whole loaf of bread and a gallon of beer - all consumed in one hour!

Burke and O'Rourke - Two vagrants taken to a hostel in St Louis and given their first bath for several years. They died after being scrubbed with brooms.

Bishop Marcus of Arethusa - Martyred like many fellow Christians under Roman persecution, he was covered in honey, hung up in a basket and stung to death by wasps.

Mr Power of Newcastle, Australia - The aptly named cat hater rigged up a trap in his back yard consisting of a metal sardine tin connected to an electrical cable. He was discovered face down by the tin. A coroner failed to establish how precisely Mr Power met his demise, but cats have been known to manipulate switches successfully.

John Stratton - Depressed after his wife left him, Mr Stratton decided to gas himself. He sealed the doors and windows of his house and turned on the gas oven. He waited patiently for death, but has forgotten that the newly installed North Sea Gas was non-toxic. Thinking he was spared and that living might be a good idea after all, he lit up a cigar to celebrate....

Jean-Baptiste Lully - The 17th century French composer died as a result of hitting himself on the toe while conducting one of his compositions - written to celebrate the king's recovery from illness. At the time long heavy batons were used to indicate the rhythm. Fatal blood poisoning ensued from Lully's clumsiness.

Anonymous Indians - Seven men expired from suffocation while trying to rescue one of their number who had fallen into a pit of cow manure.

Johnny Alee - A famous American fat man, alleged to have weighed half a ton, died when his weight caused him to fall through the floor of a log cabin. He hung helplessly suspended until succumbing to a heart attack.

Edited May 18, 2004 by Agent_21

[Fluffybunny]

Jack Biggars - An 18th century British glutton. His final meal killed him It consisted of six pounds of bacon, one dozen suet dumplings, a large green salad, a whole loaf of bread and a gallon of beer - all consumed in one hour!

An 18th century British glutton? It sounds like a job description..."wanted: An 18th century British glutton to consume surplus bland food from local restaurant. 10-key skills a plus..."

[Agent_21]

Reminded me of a Simpsons episode.

[BurnSide]

darwin awards anyone?

[Aslan]

When I lived in Turkey a guy who lived in the same town as me met his end in a fairly perculiar way...

It was Kurban Bayram, which roughly translates as the 'sacrifice festival', when muslims ritually kill a sheep or cow. Families buy an animal some time before the festival and keep it tethered up in the garden or on the nearest available patch of wasteland (my first week in Turkey, back in 97, was during Kurban Bayram, and I couldn't understand why there was a bull tethered to the lampost outside my livingroom window, until I woke up to fins several men cutting it's head off).

Anyway, this one chap had no garden so he decided to keep his freshly-purchased goat on the flat roof of a half-built apartment block. On the day of sacrifice he went up with his knife and whatnot, untethered the goat and was promptly butted clean off the lip of the roof.

I don't know what happened to the goat.

Edited May 18, 2004 by Aslan

[Fluffybunny]

I couldn't understand why there was a bull tethered to the lampost outside my livingroom window, until I woke up to fins several men cutting it's head off).

Turkey takes its' parking enforcement rather seriously.

You should see what they do if you double park your goat...

[MoonBaby]

Is that a true story?

[Guest Lottie]

That really is bizarre are these for real?

[Agent_21]

Here's the cheese story that Sarky reminded me of. It seems so implausible...but it depends on the spot struck I suppose.

Madame Frederici - She died when her husband, Othello, a rich Parisian grocer, stabbed her with a wedge of hard parmesan cheese.

Here's another

London Landlady - An anonymous 71-year-old one-legged landlady tried for five minutes to run down her equally elderly female lodger, in her petrol-powered invalid chair. The chair was unused to such excess and ran out of control, bursting into flames and killing its occupant.

[chico del nacho]

Anonymous Indians - Seven men expired from suffocation while trying to rescue one of their number who had fallen into a pit of cow manure.

you know, you'd be surprised how often that sort of thing happens. it's very bizarre

Mr Power of Newcastle, Australia - The aptly named cat hater rigged up a trap in his back yard consisting of a metal sardine tin connected to an electrical cable. He was discovered face down by the tin. A coroner failed to establish how precisely Mr Power met his demise, but cats have been known to manipulate switches successfully.

this helps proves that cats are trying to kill off the human race. most of them are still stuck on the idea that if they rub someone enough, the friction will make them burst into flames.

beware the kitties!

[Chauncy]

this helps proves that cats are trying to kill off the human race. most of them are still stuck on the idea that if they rub someone enough, the friction will make them burst into flames.

My cat Maxx says "You got it all wrong Chico"!!

[BurnSide]

ahahahahah!!! thats such an evil cat!! haha

[saucy]

Those all sound horrible. In my opinion, death by drowning or plane crash would be the worst. Some say at some point during the drowing, you're actually in a state of peace almost like you're on really good drugs or something, but if you were to sit there for minutes, maybe longer, knowing that in a short time you were going to die, it would be harsh. Maybe people with some types of cancer that eat at them slowly for years would be the worst kind.

[chico del nacho]

what about burning to death?

hey, what if you dive into a pool and once you get in, someone pours oil on top of the water and lights it on fire. and when you find a spot that's not on fire, once you pop your head out of the water, some big guy would just punch you in the face?

Edited May 19, 2004 by chico del nacho

[Agent_21]

There's the horrible chlorine in swimming pool water....and worse just off the coast. You're liable to get a mouthful or two of raw sewerage.

[HumberWitch]

There was a report (in the "London Evening Standard" I think) back in the 1970s of a bloke who gassed himself to death by farting!

He was a student & had sealed the window of his tiny bedsit with polthene to keep out the draughs, and put a heavy curtain up at the door. Not being a very good cook, and skint, he lived on beans on toast over the Xmas period.

He was found by police in the New Year, when his fellow students missed him at college!

I'm trying to find a link to the archive, HW

[Britannica]

Wow...thats really crazy...are they all true? That fart one is awful...

I personally think that one of the worst ways to die would be to fall into some kind of grain bin and drown in the contents. Dont know why but I have always thought that...I dont even live on a farm or anything so I dont know why I'm so preoccupied with it!

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

Haven't verified if any of these are true, but they are funny

Darwin Awards are out for 2004 ...

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honor

given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing

themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was

the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him

as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this

year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.

Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the

fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house

down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of

suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and

weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and

white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to

create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask

that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its

place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube

approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into

his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.

Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his

family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when

another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants

of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.

They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their

ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried

to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle.

Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of

these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other

end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.

Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was

alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he

assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"

Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a

friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The

friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of

a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all

potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had

been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon

entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the

dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later

described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and

retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of

the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces

of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the

lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected

of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND ! THE WINNER.

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez

tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.

Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed

to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to

his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the

machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the

mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed

and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the

ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles

are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's

scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from

him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was

compresed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,

and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a

new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was

using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,

and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.But

because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,

we have allowed it

[chico del nacho]

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.

Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the

fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house

down, killing both him and his sister.

probably from here in B.C.

that last one there...ugh, that's terrible...

[doomgirl]

Mr Power of Newcastle, Australia - The aptly named cat hater rigged up a trap in his back yard consisting of a metal sardine tin connected to an electrical cable. He was discovered face down by the tin. A coroner failed to establish how precisely Mr Power met his demise, but cats have been known to manipulate switches successfully.

I know a taxi drive here that hates cats, he said that if he can get hold of them, he rubs their butt with a brick and then puts metho on it

I say nasty old bugger

and good one - to the goat