25 replies to this topic

[FinnYellow]

Okay. So before you read this, i would like you to know that I am a servant to my imagination, and the poems that I compose may or may not reflect my views, feelings, or actions.



In this prison where I lay,
Someone help me, I can’t stay,
I won’t live another day,
If in this prison I must stay.
I must not be here, not at all,
Peering over the suicide wall,
Huge and oppressive, and very tall,
Im on the edge and just might fall.
In this prison where I lay,
Someone help me, I can’t stay,
I won’t live another day,
If in this prison I must stay.
Will anyone help me here on my knees?
I need a friend at times like these,
Can anyone help me? Somebody please,
But at last I have found a method of release.
In this prison where I lay,
Someone help me, I can’t stay,
I won’t live another day,
If in this prison I must stay.
The blade of the knife, which glints and shines,
I know what they’ll tell me, it’s all lies,
No more to suffer, soon I will fly,
I know that I’m leaving all of this behind.
In this prison where I once lay,
Someone didn’t help me, and I couldn’t stay,
I couldn’t live one more day,
Because in this prison I couldn't stay


Feedback please!!! Do you like it? Hate it? Suggestions?? (Be gentle please)

Edited by BNDGK, 13 December 2012 - 03:42 PM.

[Helen of Annoy]

I love it!
Well, not the suicidal feeling, of course, but I love the way you wrote this piece, short lines, fast rhythm,  describing frantic mind that must but can’t stay there another day.

Suggestion: post some more of your work. I'm sure others will love it too

[FinnYellow]

Helen of Annoy, on 13 December 2012 - 04:02 PM, said:

I love it!
Well, not the suicidal feeling, of course, but I love the way you wrote this piece, short lines, fast rhythm,  describing frantic mind that must but can’t stay there another day.

Suggestion: post some more of your work. I'm sure others will love it too

thanks a lot!!! <3

[sarah_444]

I agree with Helen, I like the frantic flow of it. Nice job!

[FinnYellow]

sarah_444, on 13 December 2012 - 04:05 PM, said:

I agree with Helen, I like the frantic flow of it. Nice job!

Thanks a bunch!!!

[Still Waters]

I third!  

[SpiritWriter]

I like it

[FinnYellow]

Still Waters, on 13 December 2012 - 04:42 PM, said:

I third!  

Thankss!!!

SpiritWriter, on 13 December 2012 - 05:30 PM, said:

I like it

Thank You too

[Professor T]

I liked it.. I like rhymey stuff..

But this I found even more interesting than the poem, lol

BNDGK, on 13 December 2012 - 03:42 PM, said:

Okay. So before you read this, i would like you to know that I am a servant to my imagination, and the poems that I compose may or may not reflect my views, feelings, or actions.

That imo, is the mark of a true artist..

[FinnYellow]

Professor T, on 14 December 2012 - 03:20 AM, said:

I liked it.. I like rhymey stuff..

But this I found even more interesting than the poem, lol


That imo, is the mark of a true artist..

Thank You very much I was nervous about posting something so... morbid (?) but i kind of realized that it was doing no good only being read by me. Im glad to get lots of feedback, positive or negative

[Professor T]

BNDGK, on 14 December 2012 - 01:21 PM, said:

Thank You very much I was nervous about posting something so... morbid (?) but i kind of realized that it was doing no good only being read by me. Im glad to get lots of feedback, positive or negative

It's been a bit rare for me lately, but occsionaly a story or poem or something artsy just comes to the mind and you need to get it out on paper or at least make it real.. I once wrote an entire novel because of this.. Your comment that you are a servant to your imagination is probably the best description of this that I've seen. It's something that cant be controlled, but must be done.

[FinnYellow]

Professor T, on 15 December 2012 - 09:49 AM, said:

It's been a bit rare for me lately, but occsionaly a story or poem or something artsy just comes to the mind and you need to get it out on paper or at least make it real.. I once wrote an entire novel because of this.. Your comment that you are a servant to your imagination is probably the best description of this that I've seen. It's something that cant be controlled, but must be done.

Thanks I just wanted people to know that im not like really suicidal and stuff. Like you said, when these things come to you, there is nothing you can do but bring the story to life and share it with others. Did you get your novel published?

[Professor T]

BNDGK, on 17 December 2012 - 02:16 PM, said:

Thanks I just wanted people to know that im not like really suicidal and stuff. Like you said, when these things come to you, there is nothing you can do but bring the story to life and share it with others. Did you get your novel published?

Nope. It's unpublished & I havn't got an agent either.. Am pretty sure it would be popular, well, I guess most writers think that way. Have tried finding an agent and sent it to a few publishers, but Bahhhh, all I seem to collect is rejection slips, which I keep, and add to my display book to remind me how damn hard it is to get published.

[FinnYellow]

Professor T, on 17 December 2012 - 05:37 PM, said:

Nope. It's unpublished & I havn't got an agent either.. Am pretty sure it would be popular, well, I guess most writers think that way. Have tried finding an agent and sent it to a few publishers, but Bahhhh, all I seem to collect is rejection slips, which I keep, and add to my display book to remind me how damn hard it is to get published.

Well be sure to share when you get it published! I want to read it!!

[CuriousGreek]

Wow!!! You must be tired of hearing this, but i like your poem

Edited by CuriousGreek, 18 December 2012 - 06:48 PM.