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Have you ever been a carer?


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#16    Miss Shadows

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 11:39 PM

Also, in comment/response to an earlier poster, for my own reasons I'm not against assisted suicide either. I can't say I have a strong, solid personal view on matters like people who go into comas. People come out of comas all the times, sometimes in hours and sometimes in years, but I think if someone was lucid and in their right mind, they should be given some humane options for ending their own life. While I can honestly say I would never Love someone I Love now any less if I had to take care of them, if something bad enough happened to me, just depending, I very well might end it. Pain I can deal with, I've definitely felt pain, but if something bad enough happened and suddenly I was a burden to the people I care about, I think I'd rather be gone than be that. I don't think it's okay though for us to be euthanizing people against their will. Whether it's something like down-syndrome, or a physical ailment, if they're not the one's making the conscious decision, I detest the thought of people putting other people "to sleep" like cats and dogs when they get old and they're just not enjoying life anymore.

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#17    Bling

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 11:48 PM

View PostScreamingSarcasm, on 10 September 2012 - 11:21 PM, said:

This is so sweet, very few things these days truly warm my heart, but this is definitely one of them. In saying this I'm not indicating anything about you or your fiance/hubby, but knowing how difficult and problematic and stubborn I can be, I've always thought finding the man who has enough Love and then some to deal with that would be one of the most amazing parts of my life. I'm happy for you and your fiance, and I hope you guys just stay happy together for the rest of your lives :)

Thankyou sweetie! ((hugs))


#18    Professor T

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 12:21 AM

View PostStill Waters, on 10 September 2012 - 11:13 AM, said:

That's exactly what my father-in-law was afraid of and he just would not agree to my mother-in-law going anywhere. Not even to day care where she'd get picked up from their house and dropped off again. He was so worried if she left the house she might not remember who he was, which in the end she didn't recognise anyone and was totally unaware when he died that she'd lost her husband after 59 years of their marriage. Very sad but I guess what she didn't know didn't hurt her....
That's sad.
But in a way, best..
Memories hide, they do-not fade, well, that's what I think anyway.

Isn't it amazing though, that in a crisis like the illness or death of a loved one where on earth does one get that strength from?
That's one thing I noticed when Mum fell ill then passed away.. all of a sudden I was looking looking after dad + working full time + tidying up other affairs like a superman & spending weeks in hospital with mum. That strength or ability to just get on with it comes out of nowhere, whereas beforehand I'd have a struggle just to get out of Bed.. Has anyone else noticed this or something similar?


#19    Professor T

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 12:23 AM

View PostScreamingSarcasm, on 10 September 2012 - 11:39 PM, said:

Also, in comment/response to an earlier poster, for my own reasons I'm not against assisted suicide either. I can't say I have a strong, solid personal view on matters like people who go into comas. People come out of comas all the times, sometimes in hours and sometimes in years, but I think if someone was lucid and in their right mind, they should be given some humane options for ending their own life. While I can honestly say I would never Love someone I Love now any less if I had to take care of them, if something bad enough happened to me, just depending, I very well might end it. Pain I can deal with, I've definitely felt pain, but if something bad enough happened and suddenly I was a burden to the people I care about, I think I'd rather be gone than be that. I don't think it's okay though for us to be euthanizing people against their will. Whether it's something like down-syndrome, or a physical ailment, if they're not the one's making the conscious decision, I detest the thought of people putting other people "to sleep" like cats and dogs when they get old and they're just not enjoying life anymore.

Oh yes. Totally Agree.
Death is a friend, but death should be feared, if not, why live..


#20    Still Waters

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 12:43 PM

View PostProfessor T, on 11 September 2012 - 12:21 AM, said:

Isn't it amazing though, that in a crisis like the illness or death of a loved one where on earth does one get that strength from?
That's one thing I noticed when Mum fell ill then passed away.. all of a sudden I was looking looking after dad + working full time + tidying up other affairs like a superman & spending weeks in hospital with mum. That strength or ability to just get on with it comes out of nowhere, whereas beforehand I'd have a struggle just to get out of Bed.. Has anyone else noticed this or something similar?
Yes. It's like there's no time to stop and think what's happening. You just get on with the situation in hand without thinking of anything else. It's only afterwards you realise how tired and worn out you feel, then think to yourself "how on earth did I manage to do all that". I also found myself doing stuff I didn't think I had it in me to do as far as personal care goes, but there again, you just get on with it and do what's needed without thinking. The people we care for need our help, it's not their fault they can't do for themselves.

I've had three sudden deaths in my family, neither of them where ill before hand. The shock when something like that happens is horrendous. You have to deal with your own grief as well as others around you.

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#21    Miss Shadows

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Posted 12 September 2012 - 12:45 AM

I don't want to digress too much, but rather I'd like to go with the flow of this topic and offer some advice too. If you can ever, ever avoid seeing a violent death, do so. It's (obviously) not something pretty, not something you want to experience, and not something you want to remember. I've spent quite a bit of time with a lot of the family of one of my best friends, and most of them reside in Mexico, some in Belize, but anyway I was with my friend and two of her uncles, their wives, and several of my friend's cousins one day south of the border when some drug-violence broke out and one of my friend's cousins was shot. He was still alive when we got him to the hospital, but it was just too late and we (myself and my friend, plus her present family) watched him bleed to death on a table. I had nightmares for over a year, and it's not something I've gotten over and I don't think it ever will be. It was probably even worse for his biological family, I'm sure.

Sudden death is a shock, of course, but sudden and violent death, and especially standing there and watching it, it's this terrifying and helpless feeling that just rips a piece out of you and you don't ever get it back. Anyway, sorry to ramble, but I just want to put it out there, having that experience and knowing the after-effects. I'm not saying to not go visit your ill and elderly Loved ones in a hospital, but you should never hope to see someone go in a painful way.

View PostBling, on 10 September 2012 - 11:48 PM, said:

Thankyou sweetie! ((hugs))
No problem, thanks for sharing :) ((hugs))

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#22    SuddenPsychic

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Posted 12 September 2012 - 01:51 AM

View PostProfessor T, on 11 September 2012 - 12:23 AM, said:



Death is a friend, but death should be feared, if not, why live..

I don't fear death, I consider it the next great adventure. But I dread losing those I love.  You would think that would make us show live and appreciation every day, but it is life itself that gets in the way with all it's lessons and challenges and emotions. What an amazing journey this is, and how wild it will be to look back once we're on the other side...


#23    spud the mackem

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 10:18 PM

Hi guys/gals, Reading some of your posts makes me think that life aint too bad after all, I guess we all have a lot in common, its difficult but not Impossible to care for someone close, especially when you can see a gradual decline in their abilities, but life goes on.What you must not forget is to keep yourselves in good health, so give yourselves a big hug you all deserve a break.  I rate you as True Lovely People, Best Wishes..

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(2) try your second best, ........if that dont work
(3) give up you aint gonna win

#24    Barnacle Battlefront

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Posted 16 September 2012 - 01:50 AM

I care for my partner who has severe idiopathic photosensitive epilepsy. He's very independent, but relies on me for things like being driven places (he can't have a licence), and also when we are able to move out together I will be required to provide a majority of the income as he can't work full time (his epilepsy causes him to not sleep well, which makes him fatigued, which is one of his epilepsy triggers)

Sometimes it's hard because I have to organize my life around when he needs to be picked up, dropped off etc, but I don't mind it too much. When we first started going out, he had a seizure due to being fatigued which was my fault, so I guess that's why it doesn't bother me. I admit though that I feel blessed that for the most part he is very independent

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older. Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.


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#25    Bling

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 07:42 PM

I've just found this sad story :(

http://www.cnn.com/2...ld (RSS: World)


#26    Overdueleaf

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 07:54 PM

View PostBling, on 09 September 2012 - 05:19 PM, said:

Has anyone here had any experience with being a carer to a famliy member? If so how did it affect your life?

My occupation centers around care for the developmentally disabled.. who are often at times,.. physcially disabled, and mentally ill. It is one of the most rewarding yet at times frustrating jobs in the world... but i love it and now that i have started down this road I don't think that I could see myself doing anything else... even though i have a Bachelors Degree in Education. The way i see it... I am in a teaching position, just with a slightly different curriculum. Since starting at this career, i have found that i do not take for granted much in my life anymore. .. that i am thankful each day for all the small miracles that happen and thankful i am able to express myself (in all the ways i which you can) to the best of my abilitiy.. which is something that i think we all take for granted. So to all those caregivers... i would say.. be thankful.. be grateful... never take for granted.. stay positive ...make life an optimisitc learning and growing process for yourself and those around you.

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