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Posted by StarMountainKid , 02 April 2012 · 289 views


I've been reading through some of my previous entries here, and the all sound the same.  Plus, they all sound like someone else has written them.  What I mean is, they all sound like the same persona has written them in the same way, but not me. It's a little disconcerting. It's almost like I haven't written any of them myself, someone else has. I think this is because I'm not really the persona who's been writing all this, my alter-ego has.

Sometimes I wish I could get rid of this guy, this alter-ego of mine. But, when I try to write something myself, he always comes out and takes over. Like now. I'm not sure if I'm writing this or he is.  I guess I just have to live with this curious situation until I can afford to see a psychiatrist. Maybe he'll send me to a mental hospital. I might actually enjoy living in a mental hospital for a while. It might be a nice change for me.

I once had a friend who spent some time in a mental hospital, and there he was cured of his brain malfunction. He even had a diploma of sorts that he had framed and hung on the wall of his living room. It stated that he was officially sane. It was signed by two psychiatrists, who were recognized by the State of Illinois, so it was official. He used to point to his diploma and say, "I can prove I'm sane, can you?"

Most people don't have that kind of official documentation certifying their sanity. Maybe everyone should volunteer to be committed to mental hospitals for a while. Just long enough to be certified sane and have a diploma to prove it. Maybe that should even be mandatory. A law enacted that, at a certain age, everyone is required to spend say two years in a sanatorium. It would be like being drafted into the Army.

Anyone without a sanity diploma would be considered mentally deficient by the government. They'd have their citizen's rights taken away from them, and it would be hard for them to get jobs or collect any kind of benefits like food stamps or social security. They'd be outcasts from society and live in hovels and be ragged and dirty and hungry all the time.

Of course, when they got tired of this kind of awful life, the could always volunteer to go to a mental hospital and be cured of the reasons they refused to go to the mental hospital in the first place. When they'd gotten their diploma, they'd wonder why they'd refused to go in the first place.

All their misgivings about becoming officially sane would have disappeared from their memory. They'd always be happy after this, I suppose, and rational and normal.

I think a lot of people would refuse to go, though. I think I would. I'd escape to Canada or someplace that didn't have this law and seek sanctuary. I'd be like a refugee. Maybe there I could get a job as a laborer or something, and not have too bad a life enjoying my mental abnormalities.

I'd do this because I think being slightly crazy is better than being completely sane. Maybe I only think this way because thinking this way is part of my craziness. My fear of sanity is a symptom of my mental imbalance.  If I had earned my diploma, I'd look back on this psycho-phobia and laugh at my prior foolishness. "What an idiot I was," I'd say, and I'd be right.

But I'm never going for my diploma. I kind of like my abnormal behavior and eccentric though patterns. I'm used to them and they're comforting, like old friends.

Maybe in my scenario above, people who didn't have a sanity diploma would have a sort of diploma, anyway. A document stating their insane-ness, an insanity diploma. Signed by two psychiatrists, most likely. If I had one, I'd frame that and hang it on my living room wall, just like my friend did with his sanity diploma.

Proof of insanity has its benefits, I think. That way, I wouldn't have to come up with so many excuses. I'd just point to my diploma.

I don't know about this diploma thing, but here in California it is a sad state of affairs in mental hospitals. I don't know if it's just here, but people flood in, various doctors meet with each rarely and for a very, very short time. After a 5 minute talk, the doctor usually prescribes or slightly changes a medication, then makes a decision on whether the person has to stay, for how long, or can be released.

A diploma of sanity sounds like a farce of how the brain of the mentally unstable works. I don't know what was up with that.
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Apr 02 2012 07:54 PM
I think my friend's "diploma" was just his release papers from the hospital.

Mental hospitals are probably just as bad everywhere. Sad.

Thanks for the comment.
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Apr 02 2012 09:06 PM
Quite enjoyable.  There is nothing abnormal about developing a writing voice.  A lot of writers write well but don't communicate in any other form very well.  That is why they write.  I don't think trying to sanitize artists is a wise idea.  I like biodiversity, and I think a lot of the social problems we see today can be attributed to people considering their truely unique qualities as not the cool kind of abnormality.  So they'd rather get hardcore about it in order to conform to an acceptable popular diagnosis, and can spend years going about figuring out who they are in the wrong way.  

Anyone who does something creative is also often their own worst critic.  In a more tolerant, and less extreme world centered on expedient functionality, the sanity diploma idea would probably be fantastic.  Who knows, if it were instituted it might change psychology and psychiatry for the better.  Hmmm, maybe there would be institution break-ins.
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Apr 02 2012 10:49 PM
Thanks for your compliment and insightful comment. I try to use my writing voice in order to make what I have to say more interesting. If I wrote my thoughts on some subject in a more conventional way, I think it would be pretty dull reading, like a report.

The way I write may be dull reading anyway, but at least I'm trying to be abnormal and creative. The former I don't have to work on much, but the creative part doesn't come as easily.

I enjoyed reading what you had to say, as well.
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