Janiel's Story.

[Janiel]

Due to un-fathomable boredom at school, and too much time on my hands, I've started to write a story. So far I've only got one chapter done. But, i did just start it, so expect more.

So far it is untitled, but, if someone can think of anything feel free

Chapter One

“NO!” The random scream startled everyone on the bus. “NOT THE CHICKENS! NO!” The woman, now frantic, was screaming at the top of her lungs. “DON’T HURT THEM! DON’T!” Everyone on the bus was staring at her. It took a couple more moments for her - and everyone else on the bus - to see she was just dreaming. Confused, she stood up and asked the bus driver to stop and let her out. The driver complied, “Sure, no problem, ma’am.” and opened the doors.

She took a few steps out and sat down on a bench. After a couple minutes she stood back up and started walking. She was about 5’10’’ 105 pounds. More than average looks, though she would disagree if you told her that. Her name was Alice, her friends just called her Al for short. Alice was a wanderer, owning nothing more than what she had on her. Her back pack (containing some clothes and knick-knacks) and her briefcase (containing her laptop and money), these were all she’s needed in the last few months. Her laptop has been her main source of income since, as she liked to call it, “The day things went sour”, doing odd jobs and running a small online store. “Great, hungry again,” she mumbled. Reaching into her pockets she pulled out about $20. She sat down at the next bench she saw, which wasn’t far from where she was.

After sitting down she saw a couple of kids playing across the street, “Nothing odd about that,” she murmured to herself. She looked back up and saw what they were playing with. A dead dog, she was shocked, “How could any child in their right minds play with a dead animal?” she proclaimed. For some reason she felt compelled to just sit and watch. And that’s exactly what she did. After who knows how long the kids started biting at the raw carcass, chewing at it and eating it as if they were wild animals. Her face was now a twisted mess of emotion; shocked, scared, amazed, amused and for some reason really hungry. Now more than she’s ever been in her life, so it seemed. She got up very slowly and started walking towards the children. Now, you would think that being in the middle of a city this wouldn’t have gone unnoticed for so long. But, for some reason – beyond Alice’s imagining there was no-one around - not a soul. Everything was quiet while she walked. The children staring, their eyes empty….yet filled with something she didn’t understand. She kept walking, why? She would never know. But when she got there she said something that terrified her. “What’cha doin’?” She asked, as if she were a child herself. “Nothing much,” one of the children finally spoke up, but seemingly not finishing the sentence. After a good minute of silence he finished, “want some?”

Without thinking she nodded. The boy, looking about 12, tore a big chunk out of the dog’s side. “Here, and keep your money. We don’t need it.” The other children nodded.

She took a huge bite out of the raw flesh, listening to the sound it made and the skin severed and tore, the blood from the meat oozing down her cheeks. After finishing her bite she exclaimed, “Wow! This is really good!”

“We know,” the boy answered. “I think he’s the only one who can talk,” Alice said in her head. The boy spoke back up, “We killed it ourselves, just for you.” The boy put on the biggest grin she’s seen in the 22 years of her life. It somehow made her feel warm inside. She grinned back and took another bite, this time sitting down with the children.

It seemed like a lifetime she was there, just eating in the uncanny quiet of the city street. “Do you know anywhere where I can get some sleep?” She asked the boy, who pointed to a white cabin in the park, “There, it’s all set up for your stay, Al. Enjoy” She didn’t care that the kid knew her name – not to mention her nickname – all she cared about was getting some sleep. She entered the white cabin in the park and looked around. Everything seemed to be made of lace. The curtains, the rugs, the tablecloth, even the bed sheets. Everything was white; it was beautiful in her eyes. She walked over to the bed and sat down. Next thing she knew she was asleep, dreaming about “The day things went sour”…

Propetry of Jon Nielsen, 2005

Edited March 2, 2005 by Janiel

[The Cheat]

o0

strange... its intriguing tho... a nice 'what the heck is going on' effect, that makes you want to read more.

tho you may want to go back and put in more details, in introducing alice and in the setting, like try to make it seem more foreboding...

but all around, good job!

[saRa]

Second time I read it.

XD

[Janiel]

tho you may want to go back and put in more details, in introducing alice and in the setting, like try to make it seem more foreboding...

507348[/snapback]

Remember, it's just the first chapter

Thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to read, though

I'll probably work some more on it tonight.

[Syaoransbear]

Ahh good job Janiel! It's always good to find a fellow young writer . Your story if much more entertaining than my fanfiction.

[The Banana Pie Eater!]

Finally! Some twisted story I can enjoy!

Great job... A greater job than I could ever do

[Janiel]

Thanks guys. It's far from done, too. This is, after all, chapter one

[snuffypuffer]

I'll save most of my comments for when you've posted more.

[The Banana Pie Eater!]

Why do I have a feeling that this will end whit Alice becoming a vampire like Raven and kill people

Ack... I shouldn't watch in the future so much

[jack0fhearts]

ROFL Janiel. Nice, even though it's the first chapter, the audience already has a specific definition of this woman. You add so much character to her, I cracked up laughing when she thought to herself "Great, I'm hungry again". Way to go Mr J

[Silent-Storm]

I like it, i really like it, you have an exquisite imagination janiel..

Looking forward to reading more..

[Janiel]

Alright, I just finished Chapter two, tell me if in needs anything. Or if you see any mistakes. Thanks

Chapter Two: Reconnection

Her mind was wandering, more so than she’s ever done physically. She was remembering everything about that day, “The day things went sour”. She didn’t want to remember, but she couldn’t stop it, for it had already started. December 12th, two years ago, this was the day it happened. This was the day everything in her life went downhill. It was an extremely cold day, unusual for where she lived; the snow was falling faster than a crashing plane. “It’s too quiet,” Her mother complained “I don’t like it, I know They’ll come. I know it!” Her voice now trembling, Alice’s mother started to cry…again. “Hush, woman,” Her father now speaking up, making sure everyone in the house knew he was the man in charge. “If you don’t shut up They’ll find us, and you know it.”

“…Dad? Can you not make things worse?” Alice finally spoke up; she was tired of her father pushing everyone around. She hated him for it. “You’re making it worse for all of us, for me, for Mom, (Mom was still crying because she knew Paul, her husband, would freak out on Alice for standing up to him) for Cynthia, for Frank, even for yourself. I think it’s you who needs to sh** down and shut up!” Paul was dumbfounded, never in his life had anyone spoken up to him, no one dared. He was a towering 6’’ 5’ 270 pounds, He had been working out since he was 12. In his mind he pictured himself grabbing Alice by the throat and throwing her across the room, but the look in her eyes. The hate, the hate she held for him was keeping him bound to this one spot. He sighed, “I…I’m sorry. Alice, Lisa, Cynthia, and Frank, I am so very sorry. I can’t take this anymore. They have kept us her like pets for too long. I can’t do it anymore.” Paul stood up, dwarfing everyone else in the room, save for Frank who was of equal stature – and already standing – Paul started walking towards to door. Lisa screamed, “Honey, don’t! DON’T GO OUT THERE! They’ll rip you to shreds, you know it!” “I know They will,” Paul responded, “But They’ll do it eventually, you know that. We have to stand up, we have to fight them. 15 years They’ve kept us trapped here, year in, year out. 15 years, it’s been too long. I’m going, alone or not, I’m going.” Lisa collapsed to the ground in tears. “P- P- Paul…Don’t go, I love you, don’t do it!” Paul made no physical notice of hearing her. Frank walked up to his father, “Dad, I’ll stand by you.” Paul smiled, “That’s my boy.” He sounded happy, something Alice hadn’t heard from him…ever.

Paul turned towards to door and started walking, Frank right beside him. As soon as he reached the door he ripped it open, wood splinters shooting out in all directions. They were already outside, waiting. “Paul…” one of them moaned. “Paul….we have been waiting.” Paul couldn’t see them, it was too dark. After some minutes of complete silence one of them crept out of the darkness. Huge creatures they were, towering over Paul, at least seven feet tall. It was very slender, reminding Alice of herself in some weird twisted way. “Wait,” Alice started, “Hush, child…” It spoke to her, its words oozing out like molasses. It was oddly beautiful, its deep red eyes piercing the very fabric of her soul. “Wha-What are you?” Alice asked. “We are what you could call Demons. But, We have a name, We are called Felions.” Its response shocked Alice, not because they were demons, but because – in some far out part of her mind – she already knew them, they’re names, it was all known somehow. The Felion started to walk back into the shadows. “No you don’t, you ugly b******!” Paul was yelling at the top of his voice. The Felion turned around and grabbed Paul by the throat. Frank ran after him, screaming cuss words while swinging his arms in all directions. Lisa was in the kitchen hiding, Cynthia and Alice watched in stunned amazement. Paul screamed “You kept us here, imprisoned! You shall pay for it!” The Felion was not impressed; it looked at him like a child looks at a piece of garbage. “You mean nothing to us, Paul.” And with that the Felion snapped his neck like a twig. All the while Frank was bashing at its side, “You mean nothing, either, Frank.” It spun around faster than comprehensible and struck Frank in the head with the backside of its hand. It looked to Alice that its hands were the size of a spare car tire. The Felion looked at Alice, “You three are spared, and you now have rights to leave. Live your lives, make the best of them. Just remember, We will be watching. You are our pets, and We’ll get you back when the time comes. With that the Felions were gone.

Propetry of Jon Nielsen, 2005

Edited March 2, 2005 by Janiel

[jack0fhearts]

lol Janiel Well, I had a particular sort of expectation based from chapter one.. Chapter two went a whole new different direction All I'm hoping is that you settle with these two patterns which each chapter's presented, and no more off-key surprises!

[Silent-Storm]

But still, you can't stop reading it..

Nice one janiel, i like you're style...

[+joc]

Make sure you take a copy next time you visit your 'therapist'. She will most likely be 'very interested'.

[The Banana Pie Eater!]

Wow... It begun like a twisted story... To a Hellraiser story like thing... Great job

[Daughter of the Nine Moons]

Yay! Janiel you have a devoted following already! I too was surprised by the direction of the second chapter. Lets see some more.

edit to add:

To a Hellraiser story like thing... Great job

I loved Hellraiser.

Edited March 3, 2005 by Daughter of the Nine Moons

[Walken]

This is as strange as it is unique!

Keep it up, Janiel!

[Shivel]

Wow Janiel, so far this is a really great story..and yes i agree with Walken its very unique. Im looking forward to chapter 3.

Edited March 3, 2005 by JayMan895

[Janiel]

Well, here it is. Chapter Three

Chapter Three: The Dress

Alice woke up in a cold sweat wishing she didn’t have that dream. For the last two years she’s blocked out that memory. Alice Cynthia and Lisa were the survivors, each having their own way to cope with “The day things went sour”. Alice simply blocked it out. Cynthia, who was actually Alice’s fraternal twin, went on to finish college and is about to become a full time doctor. Lisa ended up remarrying about 8 months after that day. Lisa’s never told Richard, her husband, about that day. Her story is that Paul and Frank died in a car crash while off-roading. “Why am I thinking of them so much?” Alice asked herself realizing she was still in the lace house. Groggy from her dream she stood up and saw a piece of paper on the table. She walked up to and read it aloud, “There’s some clean clothes in the drawer to your right, signed, The Children.” She looked around the room for a moment and finally found the drawer, her clothes were a mess, but she had her own. Asking herself, “Oh well, they’re free, why not?” She opened the drawer and found three piles of clothes, three different sets. There was another piece of paper, it read, “Please, take only one. Do not be greedy, Alice.” She stared for a moment then looked at her choices. One pile was made completely of lace, “I’m so sick of seeing this stuff” dismissing the first pile. The second pile was composed of a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, not to mention matching underwear. She picked up the jeans and put them over her legs to see if they would fit, they were her size…exactly. “Wow, these are some smart kids!” She said, rather loudly. She put the jeans back and looked at the last pile. It seemed the most extravagant out of the three, containing a long black dress, “Wow, this looks really expensive. Like a ballroom dress.” She mumbled to herself. She pulled it out and tried it on, it fit her perfectly. After a couple minutes of strutting around she took it off and set in down on the bed. Looking at the rest of the third pile, of course it had to have matching underwear. Alice rolled her eyes. “Whoa, what’s this?” she said as the moved the underwear aside. It was a pair of boots, knee-highs, but they weren’t normal boots. They had a gem on the top of each one, a large round gem. It looked to Alice like a ruby; she had seen one in a museum as a child. “It seems the Children want me to have this one” Alice laughed, “I guess I should take it, I mean, it’s beautiful!” So she took out the boots, all black save for the red rubies. Laid them on the bed next to the dress, and did the same with the underwear. “Hmm, I bet my hair is a mess…” she said, “Wonder if there’s a mirror here somewhere.” Of course there was, it was right in front of her, on top of the dresser where she got her new clothes. Her hair, shoulder length black hair, was perfect. “How the hell…?” She asked herself. “Oh well, at least I don’t have to deal with it now.” Snickering as she said that. She sat back down on the bed and closed her eyes. The chain of images that appeared startled her: flashes of axes, swords, blood, guts, and other gore.

“sh**!” She screamed, “What hell was that!?” Sudden the feeling that she should get out of here come upon her. “Damnit,” she said without knowing. She quickly changed into the black dress and boots, while stuffing her dirty clothes into her backpack. She felt like panicking. Again talking to herself, “No, no, just calm down. Take deep breaths, Alice. Deep breaths…..Okay, we’re good to go” She grabbed her backpack and put it on, “Where’s my briefcase?” Looking around the room again she saw those flashes again (Screams from the darkness). She collapsed to her knees as more and more flashes came to her: Knives in eyes, Axes in chests, people impaled on sticks and swords, blood, (Screams from the darkness) guts, bones. “NNNOOOOO” She yelled, “GO AWAY YOU b*******, GO AWAY” It was then she knew who was here. The Felions were here to check up on her. “No, no, I don’t believe it. They can’t no!” “Yes, Alice, We’re here, you know it. You knew it was inevitable, We have to check up on her pets, do we not?” The voice coming to her in her head, “We know what you’ve been doing, siding with the other powerful forces of this world.” “Wha-What are you talking about…?” “The Children, They’re like Us, keeping human pets, keeping some kind of order. They think you’re their pet, Alice. They must be taught- wait,” He seemed interrupted, “Do you posses any of their gifts?!” It demanded an answer, and quick “Yes…why?” Alice asked. “NO! NO! It can’t be! NOOO!” It howled, “How could you have done this to Us, Alice?” The voice went away before Alice could come up with an answer. “I…I have to get out of here…” Alice said as she got to her feet and walked toward the door. “We were glad you stayed with us, Alice.” The voice coming from behind her, it was the Children, grinning. “You are very welcome.” Replied Alice, “I would be honored to do it again” She said, smiling. With that she opened the door, walking back into the world.

Property of Jon Nielsen, 2005

Edited March 3, 2005 by Janiel

[Michelle]

OOOOhhhhh Janiel, very intriguing....can't wait to see where it goes.

You do know you're going to have to finish it now. I've read books for ten or twelve hours straight because when I start one I have to finish it.

[Janiel]

I know I have to finish it, I want to finish it.

[Syaoransbear]

If you finish it, you should post it on Fiction Press.com

Other writers can then read and review it

Good luck with your story!

[saRa]

Can't wait to see where it goes. So far so good. Keeps me reading. I really like it.

Pick one compliment of your choice.

It's really great, Janiel. Now, hurry up and finish the next chapter!

[jack0fhearts]

Yes! Touch-down. lol Janiel, Janiel, Janiel. Alice is adorable. The way she talks, thinks and moves. It's so cute!