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3 replies to this topic

#1    Diebytheflyguy

Diebytheflyguy

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Posted 27 April 2004 - 03:00 AM

Ok, well, for an English assigment I had to write some poems and eventually pick my best one... I have NO experience writing poems before and was wonder what YOU, the people think is best...I tried... Be Honest...

Your tears fell as murderous shrapnel
Manipulating their cause,
Sorrow once fell below
Your impenetrable surface.

Your anger causes pain
While others vast in ability
Left behind in this consuming race,
Swallowed by the eastern beast.

OR

As I failed to see the truth in the sky
I soon turned to nature.

My distrust in man has turned me away,
Away towards the trusting wisdom.

The faceless trees have spoken multicolored thoughts,
Which answered questions of the unspoken youth.

Disconnected from comprehension
My mind, my soul, my existence
Has turned; dizzying the truth,
As a child happily spins a top.

We hear through a funnel
And see through a crack,
A crack in the morals of our lives;
So insignificant only the true know the truth

The innocent know knowledge itself,
But with knowledge comes power
And with power comes control…
No one is innocent

OR

Wasting away; mindlessly and dull
You grow as you deteriorate
Useful to no one, useless to all
Blaming yourself on God

Belief is fearful,
As is Apostle charm.
You’re conforming to temptation.
Good is evil.

In the wild you seal your defeat
To your enemies the cause is lost
No one helps to stop,
The savage world is easy






#2    Cercea

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Posted 27 April 2004 - 03:42 AM

I've had to write poems for Language arts also...  ( never voluntarily laugh.gif )
If I had to pick, I would go with the second one, it seems the best.


#3    Kismit

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Posted 27 April 2004 - 08:56 AM

Honestly the second one . The other two are sorta O.K. but the second one manages to conjure up imagery in a short span of time . It's got more impact than the other two  original.gif  Go with the second one .


#4    MaNgO_gIrL_hErE

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Posted 27 April 2004 - 10:05 AM

I have to agree with the others.The second one is the best as it leaves a stronger "feel" on the reader thumbsup.gif  

"If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees"
      Khalil Gibran

"The past cannot be changed,the future is still in your power"
Hugh White

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