Magikman Posted September 17, 2002 #1 Share Posted September 17, 2002 Recieved this via email the other day, thought some of you would get a chuckle out of it. ============= At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles per gallon." In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release stating, "If GM developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver like a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on 5% of the roads. 6. The air bag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying. 7. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key and grabbed hold of the antenna. 8. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as before. 9. You would have to press the START button to turn the engine off. Magikman :s02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentalcase Posted September 17, 2002 #2 Share Posted September 17, 2002 Now that's quality entertainment!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kira Posted September 17, 2002 #3 Share Posted September 17, 2002 :s2 :s2 :s2 :s2 :s2 I wish I had Bill Gates face when he had read that!!!!! ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 17, 2002 #4 Share Posted September 17, 2002 :s2 :s2 :s2 :s2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halo_Jones Posted September 17, 2002 #5 Share Posted September 17, 2002 :s2 I agree with CW Bil Gates face must of looked a picture. But I bet he would of nodded his head as he was reading them ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceyKC Posted September 17, 2002 #6 Share Posted September 17, 2002 :s2 Excellent response from GM!! :s2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Posted September 18, 2002 #7 Share Posted September 18, 2002 lol Love number 6 ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted September 18, 2002 #8 Share Posted September 18, 2002 :s2 That's an old one, but it always makes me laugh out loud :s2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dakoda Posted September 22, 2002 #9 Share Posted September 22, 2002 :s2Loved numbers six and nine! ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lottie Posted March 7, 2004 #10 Share Posted March 7, 2004 If Microsoft made cars 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted March 7, 2004 #11 Share Posted March 7, 2004 In response: General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers --but imagine if they did... HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?" CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'." HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'. CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'. HELPLINE: "A 'V'?!?" CUSTOMER: "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V', followed by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..." HELPLINE: "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you sit behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about." CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel thingy-- Is that the round thing that honks the horn?" HELPLINE: "Yes, among other things." CUSTOMER: "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Your cars stink!" HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't even start up!" HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the product." CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this manual of yours. It said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did -- now the thing's crashed." HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the car sir?" CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual said and it didn't work!" HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?" CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?" HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14. The pedal next to the accelerator." CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual you know." HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?" CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes fast and won't crash anymore!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?" CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lottie Posted March 7, 2004 #12 Share Posted March 7, 2004 LOL!!!! They are great jokes Phantom especially like the second one! Lottie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zygon Posted March 7, 2004 #13 Share Posted March 7, 2004 omg, phantom, that IS funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crosswarrior Posted March 7, 2004 #14 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Yes!!! This is great!!! I laughed for 5 min. It was wonderful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaj Posted March 7, 2004 #15 Share Posted March 7, 2004 They should really check for drivers-license when selling a car.. or just dont sell cars to stupid people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doomgirl Posted March 8, 2004 #16 Share Posted March 8, 2004 They sound like my step mother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaNgO_gIrL_hErE Posted March 8, 2004 #17 Share Posted March 8, 2004 These are hilarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambyglam Posted March 8, 2004 #18 Share Posted March 8, 2004 very witty! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
<bleeding_heart> Posted March 8, 2004 #19 Share Posted March 8, 2004 They should really check for drivers-license when selling a car.. or just dont sell cars to stupid people It would create a huge job market for Drivers for sports stars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Great Big Sea Posted April 2, 2004 #20 Share Posted April 2, 2004 That's so true, we have two macs at home an emac (mine) and a imac (my sisters) and I hate it when they ask you if you want to restart your computer! : P Anyway funny! And I hope to god that that Gates doesn't make a car! You campers probably know this already but Gates is giving his kids ten million dollars 'cause he wants them to learn how to be reponsisble with their money or anything. Hell, if my parents could give me that kind of money I would do the dish's by hand! Okay not maybe not by hand- I might just use the diswasher. Anyway, that's a good joke all of them true if you have a mac at home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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