8 replies to this topic

[G Donnelly]

I was on my way to college when I decided to get the bus.Little did I know that one little bus ride would change my life. I didn't realise that a mad professor had stowed on board his little prototype of a time machine,despite the hysteria of the Government's crackdown on suspicious devices. So here I am minding my own business one minute,then one dial turn later,I am whizzed to the other side of the Millenium. I honestly didn't feel a thing.
The bus stopped due to the time leap and short-circuited it's engines.I have no alternative but to step off,thinking that all First Buses need to do is call Green Flag out. However,much to my surprise according to a big holographic sign it's suddenly the year 2933! I now decide to investigate further my new environment and I was shocked at the sudden transformation of the Planet Earth.
All I saw were robots plowing fields,doing menial tasks and generally being at people's beck and call,while the humans lounge in nuclear powered sofas.I didn't see one entire shop,so I presumed they had stopped the concept of money.In fact I saw no buildings at all and all the people were naked. They wern't at all embarrassed by the fact.
I also saw vehicles that hovered over the road and then I realised a simple truth.They had terraformed the planet so it's warm all the time.They must also artificially form rain clouds if the plants need substinence. I ended up smelling the air and it was flowers on a spring day. All lavender and roses. There was plenty of evidence of food on display,so I sampled some and it tasted nothing like the top Michelin approved restusrants could even offer.
I felt despite this perfect utopia,I wanted to get back on the bus.I was very uplifted by what the future was to become.

[G Donnelly]

My fifth season is called cratch.
This is caused by a second sun,which has wondered into the Solar System,therefore causing a new season,where the Earth is permanently bathed in sunlight. This stops the process of cloud-forming and leaves the place a dry and scorched land.
Of course this ends up being the only season! This is a bad thing,because it causes a runaway greenhouse effect which transforms the Earth into Venus,with sulphuric acid and raining all the time.

Btw,here's that promised E-Mail...

I'm just writing to let you know I need somebody to lean on and a shoulder to cry in the midst of an emotional,solemn and tear-jerking Remembrance Day service.I'm counting on you because you've gone beyond the call of duty in the past. Unlike my other friends you've gone the extra mile when it comes to any problems I have experienced.
It's important because I have just lost my brother in the Helmund Province due to an improvised car bomb. I want you to join hands with me and remember not just my brother,but all the fallen comrades cut down in the prime of their lives and never forget all the sacrifices they have made.But I'm sure my brother wouldn't want us to get too maudlin.
It's going to be held on Sunday 11th November at the Cenotaph in Whitehall,London. It's quite easy to find because it's near all the major landmarks. I'll appreciate it if you do this favour for me.

[Leave Britney alone!]

Instantly I love this.

[G Donnelly]

I believe you, on 01 December 2012 - 02:02 PM, said:

Instantly I love this.

It didn't stop my tutor criticising it for not being emotional enough.

Edited by Walnut Whip, 01 December 2012 - 04:07 PM.

[G Donnelly]

Tbh I admit it needs to be more detailed...
What were the mad professor and the other bus passengers doing?
Could have mentioned the robots taken off their serving duties to fix the bus.
I should have described the taste of food better and all the other sensations.
Some dialogue could have come in handy too!
Though you have to make do with the limited timespan you've got.
Tbh it would have graded no more than a B+ if it was marked.
The other essay came from facts I gleamed about Venus.

Edited by Walnut Whip, 02 December 2012 - 02:59 PM.

[Leave Britney alone!]

I try to write for enjoyment instead of grading my own work or that of another.

All the suggestions you made were great. I would simply rework it and add them in but then again adding all that in might take away from some of the magic.

When reading other people's work sometimes obvious errors stand out but if it makes me feel good reading it the magic is more important than the grade.

Hope to read more from you. Your conscientious approach has its value.

Edited by I believe you, 04 December 2012 - 07:46 AM.

[G Donnelly]

I believe you, on 04 December 2012 - 07:45 AM, said:

I try to write for enjoyment instead of grading my own work or that of another.

All the suggestions you made were great. I would simply rework it and add them in but then again adding all that in might take away from some of the magic.

When reading other people's work sometimes obvious errors stand out but if it makes me feel good reading it the magic is more important than the grade.

Hope to read more from you. Your conscientious approach has its value.

If ever I decide to write and publish a book you'll be the first person in my acknowledgements.
You might have given me the kick up the backside to pursue what I thought was a pipedream.
Atm I'm currently at English level one with the possible likelihood of me following up with a GCSE degree.
However they have  toughened up now by ditching the multiple questions in the finals.
They have realised that dumbing down is getting its fair share of criticism.
Cheers for the nice comments and fair appraisal.

[Professor T]

*evil professor mode*

Mawaha ha ha!!

Nicely written!

[G Donnelly]

Professor T, on 05 December 2012 - 05:47 AM, said:

*evil professor mode*

Mawaha ha ha!!

Nicely written!

You ain't see nothing yet. Check it out!

                                                                                                                                                        Medium Brown

                                                                                                                                                        13 Unexplained Mews

                                                                                                                                                        Atlantis

                                                                                                                                                         ATL7 UFO3

Dear Mr Di Canio

I'm asking as a volunteer for the charity Aquatic Football For Mermaids and we are thinking of arranging an event on top of Captain Nemo's submersible the Nautilus.

We feel that mermaids are not getting the same opportunities as us mere mortals when playing the beautiful game.They need specially adapted football boots which they can fit inside their fins.However some boffin flying through Mars atmosphere with a jet pack worked out the only time mermaids can wear football boots is in zero gravity.However the prices for hiring a space shuttle for the day are astromonical. Which is why we are organising this event to raise much needed funds.

We want some kind of figurehead for football and you come highly recommended.So your duties for the day will be signing rare printed versions of Plato's manuscripts,doing the first recorded speech inside a dumbbell and educating my fellow Atlanteans about the finer points of football so they can pass this knowledge to the mermaid guinea pigs for their intergalactic space adventure.All of these tasks will be sponsored so I'm expecting a really good fund- raising total which will be ideal for our objective.

While you are performing your duties there will be plenty of other actitivies going on to arouse interest and awareness in our particular charity.There will be a tombola held in a shark's mouth,shooting coral with a harpoon,a Mary Poppins contest to see who's the best using a jellyfish as an umbrella and riding with barracudas.

The date for this event will be Friday 21st June 2013. I've decided to arrange it then,because we are expecting a rare planetary alignment involving the Sun,the Moon,all the planets and a recently discovered black hole.I've been told by my man in the know at the observatory that there will be no chance of choppy waters.He even hinted that there might be a literal parting of the waves which we need for some much needed air bubbles and light relief.

As I have said I've arranged it to be on top of Nemo's subsmersible because me and the Captain have come to some kind of understanding.I don't think you want to know what I did in return for this favour.The instructions for the event will be printed on the back of Piri Reis's map.Available on all good poop decks.

If your not there your very square.

Yours faithfully

^^^^ I did that as part of my IT publishing project.