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Signs that you've stayed in various cities too lon


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#1    Althalus

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Posted 02 August 2002 - 02:18 PM

Signs you've been in London too long

You say 'mate' constantly.
You think it is perfectly normal to pay over three pounds for a pint.
Anyone not from London is a 'wanker'.
Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Wanker'.
You have no idea where the North is.
You see All Saints in the Bar Med (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
The countryside makes you nervous.
Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
American tourists no longer annoy you.
You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day".
You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car.
You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL.
Two pounds ninety five for a friiickin caramel Frickincrapachiino Starbucks muck coffee

Signs you've been in Manchester too long

You go mad when somebody who is not from Manchester says 'mad ferit', "Nobody says that EVER!" you scream.
You say 'mad fer it' when back in Manchester.
You think fisherman's hats are attractive.
You support Man City out of principle.
You see Coronation Street stars all the time and think nothing of it.
You think Londoners are 'soft southern wankers'... until they kick your head in at a footie match.
You get a freckle and consider yourself 'suntanned'
You deny that it rains all the time.. as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.
You won't pay more than one pound fifty for a wrap of skag.
People start yawning when you talk about how great Manchester is

Signs you've been in Liverpool too long

You have an urge to steal.
You think Brookside is a 'glamorous' soap.
You think Hollyoaks is 'posh'.
You keep going on about how great Liverpool and Scousers are.
To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
You start to cry when you hear 'Ferry cross the Mersey'.
You think anyone from Liverpool has a great sense of humour.
You often wonder why you don't hear of many Scouse comedians any more.
You think everyone's heard of Greg Pateras
You start thinking that Plymouth sounds nice.

Signs you've been in Glasgow too long

You say 'pish' all the time.
You say 'aye' all the time.
You end sentences with 'like' i.e. 'I'm no goin' there, like, it's pish'.
You think McEwans beer is great, ignoring the fact it 'tastes of pish like'.
You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
You punch everybody you meet.
You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
You are incomprehensible.
People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words 'Edinburgh' or 'England'.
You have heart disease aged 26 due to all deep-fried pizzas you have consumed since birth.

Signs you've been in Dublin too long

You say "I'm Grand" all the time.
You think of Guinness as if it is the sixth food group.
You disagreed with 2. - Guinness is the FIRST food group.
You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
You say "Are you Grand ?" all the time.
You say "Isn't it grand" all the time.
You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh and Siobhan.
You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes
You say "Your man" all the time.
You say "Your woman" all the time.
You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at 30.
You talk about 'dinners' and 'mammys'.

Signs you've been in Cardiff too long

You are still there.

"We make choices everyday, some of them good, some of them bad. And - if we are strong enough - we live with the consequences."
David Gemmell

#2    Halo_Jones

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Posted 02 August 2002 - 04:58 PM

Again  :s2 :s2 :s2
Its so nice to laugh
At the moment I'm chasing my two little darlings around with calomine lotion to stop them scratching their chicken pox  :s01 at least they're no longer contagius  :-/ Oh how I long for Adult conversation :se


#3    Tommy

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Posted 04 August 2002 - 12:07 PM

Really enjoyed the London one Al.  :s2 :s2

"Superstition created all the gods and angels, all the devils and ghosts, all the witches, demons and goblins, gave us all the augurs, soothsayers and prophets, filled the heavens with signs and wonders, broke the chain of cause and effect, and wrote the history of man in miracles and lies" ~ Robert Green Ingersoll




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