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My husband and I are done

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#61    libstaK

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Posted 17 September 2012 - 11:13 AM

Hey Moosehead, sorry 'bout the mix up with Ia and LA - didn't know Ia stood for Iowa tbh - blame it on Aussie ignorance (just on my part, I'll bet I could a been corrected by a local just as easily).

Glad you made the move and feel free.  I wish you well job hunting, I know the feeling when you are waiting for something to come through and it feels like you just can't get a bite but I trust in your tenacity and you have proven you have it in spades, something will come your way at least your emotional space has some room to recover and that is a good thing.

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If you ignore the excellencies of your own house, how do you intend to find other excellencies?
In you is hidden the treasure of treasures, Oh man, know thyself and you shall know the Universe and the Gods."

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#62    moosehead

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 09:47 AM

I finally got a place. So yesterday we were able to move everything in and get the UHaul back. I feel a little better now. But what a mess I have to clean p and put away. Shopping too and still running around tcb.
I am still very tired. This thing has bout killed me. But there is too much to do.
How is everyone? Doing ok?

Happiness illudes me. Each day is a struggle.

#63    spayneuter

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Posted 19 September 2012 - 04:04 PM

Hi Moosehead,
So glad things are falling into place for you.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  
joan+20

What a man dwells on, he becomes.

#64    moosehead

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 11:52 AM

Thank you spay/neuter. You must be an animal lover too. My dogs are interested in the newness of it all but I have to chain them outside to go potty. They were used to the farm and could run. They don't understand I dont' think.
But they have been so good and seems they know that changes have to come about.
Thanks again. You have all been so kind and helped me so much get thru this.!!!!

Happiness illudes me. Each day is a struggle.

#65    ouija ouija

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 04:27 PM

I think this is a good time to remind you to keep your wits about you the next time a man asks you to marry him. You say you swore you would never get married again after your first marriage, then you 'rushed into' a second marriage to a man who had already been married three times. Give yourself(and your animals), a break!
If you do consider marriage again, then for goodness sake make it absolutely clear to the prospective partner how you envision married life on a daily basis, then listen very carefully to how he thinks things will be. Then, and only then, make your decision.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

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#66    spayneuter

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 01:20 AM

View Postouija ouija, on 20 September 2012 - 04:27 PM, said:

I think this is a good time to remind you to keep your wits about you the next time a man asks you to marry him. You say you swore you would never get married again after your first marriage, then you 'rushed into' a second marriage to a man who had already been married three times. Give yourself(and your animals), a break!
If you do consider marriage again, then for goodness sake make it absolutely clear to the prospective partner how you envision married life on a daily basis, then listen very carefully to how he thinks things will be. Then, and only then, make your decision.

Well, yeah.  But I think from what moosehead said that this particular man has psychopathic tendencies.  Psychopathy are extremely charming and sincere when they want something.   Sometimes what they want is total control.

He may start trying to get her back now.

joan+20

What a man dwells on, he becomes.

#67    moosehead

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 12:12 PM

We are still talking but neither of us has even brought up getting back together or anything like that. I am happier now. No fighting and crazy stuff. It wasn't just about the dogs. As I told him if I had no dogs it would be something else. I am kind of head strong and he is too. We both just butted heads all the time.
As I had gone to school with him and kind of knew him and his family I thougth I had found 'THE ONE". But within 2 mts I even thought then I had made a mistake. But the marriage seemed to mean more to me than him. I thought it would be forever. I thought he was the one I needed for the rest of my life.
Thats what I get for thinking HUH?
NO I will not go back there. The only thing there for me is my grave plot next to my Daddys. Maybe then.
It is a horrible place to live. HORRIBLE.

Happiness illudes me. Each day is a struggle.

#68    Bl4d3

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 12:50 PM

even so your first love is always the strongest.


#69    lizzieboo

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 01:27 PM

It's good to know that you are out of that abusive relationship. Your most recent post worries me, however, in that making statements such as "we're both headstrong," as well as comments about having been in school with him and thinking he was "The ONE" implies that you are starting to make excuses for his behavior. As a former volunteer at a center for abused women, I recognize statements like that. Once the abused woman has escaped from her abuser, the difficulties of starting a whole new life cause her to feel a degree of nostalgia for her old life--especially, her relationship with her abuser. All of a sudden, he's not such a bad guy after all. All of a sudden, it's as much your fault as it is his.

Nine times out of ten, women who make excuses for their abuser end up going back to him. And the abuse starts all over again. Oh, sure, they're contrite and apologetic at first...but if you really listen to what they are saying, even in their "apologies" they're making statements along the lines of "I'm so sorry for what I did to you but I couldn't help myself because you made me so angry." See where this is going? He isn't really apologizing to you, nor is he taking responsibility for his own behavior--rather, he's blaming you for making him angry enough to abuse you! That thought--that "she made me do it" then starts preying on his mind...and his anger grows: "Why does she keep making me angry this way? Why won't she just do what I say?" And guess who bears the brunt of his inability to control himself? YOU.

I would strongly suggest that you seek counseling from a professional who works with abused women and understands the thought processes that such women engage in. You need to figure out why you entered into a relationship when, by your own admission, you knew the guy hated dogs and had control issues. Forget about him; he'll either wake up or he won't. Given your remarks about his multiple marriages, my guess is he won't. He'll just keep right on preying on women who, for some reason known only to themselves, tolerate being victims.

Just don't let his next victim be you. Again.

Edited by lizzieboo, 21 September 2012 - 01:31 PM.

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#70    twistedtesticle

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 07:00 PM

Sounds like cohabitation before marriage could have prevented a messy & expensive divorce! Best of luck.


#71    Beckys_Mom

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 08:43 PM

View PostLilly, on 01 September 2012 - 12:31 PM, said:

Here's some information why animal abuse is a  'red flag' regarding a person's potential for negative/dangerous behaviour.

http://www.pet-abuse..._connection.php

That is so true...  I personally could not trust anyone who can find it easy to torture and even kill a defenceless animal...  Red flags would be up all over the place ...

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#72    Dr. D

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Posted 22 September 2012 - 02:32 AM

Anyone who cannot see the nobility of an animal can never find it in a person.

Especially themselves.

Edited by Dr. D, 22 September 2012 - 02:32 AM.


#73    spayneuter

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Posted 22 September 2012 - 05:36 PM

View Postmoosehead, on 21 September 2012 - 12:12 PM, said:

We are still talking but neither of us has even brought up getting back together or anything like that. I am happier now. No fighting and crazy stuff. It wasn't just about the dogs. As I told him if I had no dogs it would be something else. I am kind of head strong and he is too. We both just butted heads all the time.
As I had gone to school with him and kind of knew him and his family I thougth I had found 'THE ONE". But within 2 mts I even thought then I had made a mistake. But the marriage seemed to mean more to me than him. I thought it would be forever. I thought he was the one I needed for the rest of my life.
Thats what I get for thinking HUH?
NO I will not go back there. The only thing there for me is my grave plot next to my Daddys. Maybe then.
It is a horrible place to live. HORRIBLE.

Moosehead,
Is he saying he is sorry?  Is he justifying his actions.  Do you feel he is trying to make you take the blame?  Stay strong.  
joan+20

What a man dwells on, he becomes.

#74    spayneuter

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Posted 22 September 2012 - 05:51 PM

View Postlizzieboo, on 21 September 2012 - 01:27 PM, said:

It's good to know that you are out of that abusive relationship. Your most recent post worries me, however, in that making statements such as "we're both headstrong," as well as comments about having been in school with him and thinking he was "The ONE" implies that you are starting to make excuses for his behavior. As a former volunteer at a center for abused women, I recognize statements like that. Once the abused woman has escaped from her abuser, the difficulties of starting a whole new life cause her to feel a degree of nostalgia for her old life--especially, her relationship with her abuser. All of a sudden, he's not such a bad guy after all. All of a sudden, it's as much your fault as it is his.

Nine times out of ten, women who make excuses for their abuser end up going back to him. And the abuse starts all over again. Oh, sure, they're contrite and apologetic at first...but if you really listen to what they are saying, even in their "apologies" they're making statements along the lines of "I'm so sorry for what I did to you but I couldn't help myself because you made me so angry." See where this is going? He isn't really apologizing to you, nor is he taking responsibility for his own behavior--rather, he's blaming you for making him angry enough to abuse you! That thought--that "she made me do it" then starts preying on his mind...and his anger grows: "Why does she keep making me angry this way? Why won't she just do what I say?" And guess who bears the brunt of his inability to control himself? YOU.

I would strongly suggest that you seek counseling from a professional who works with abused women and understands the thought processes that such women engage in. You need to figure out why you entered into a relationship when, by your own admission, you knew the guy hated dogs and had control issues. Forget about him; he'll either wake up or he won't. Given your remarks about his multiple marriages, my guess is he won't. He'll just keep right on preying on women who, for some reason known only to themselves, tolerate being victims.

Just don't let his next victim be you. Again.

Lizzieboo,
You are so right.  My favorite excuse is "I love you too much".
joan+20

What a man dwells on, he becomes.

#75    spayneuter

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Posted 22 September 2012 - 05:53 PM

View Posttwistedtesticle, on 21 September 2012 - 07:00 PM, said:

Sounds like cohabitation before marriage could have prevented a messy & expensive divorce! Best of luck.

Been there, done that, didn't work.  Something about getting married changes the people who are interested in control.  It's like they won and can treat you anyway they want.
joan+20

What a man dwells on, he becomes.




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