29 replies to this topic

[Viviana98]

spud the mackem, on 11 November 2012 - 05:54 PM, said:

Hiya Viv,If your Avatar is you, you'll never walk alone,hope you meet the right fella, good fortune to you.Its no use saying good luck as I dont believe in luck, ha ha, its fate mate.cheers.

Awwww thank you spud and yes that's me. I hope I meet the right fella someday too

[thebarman]

I've been married 3 years now, so obviously I don't think it's a "lost cause", but to be honest though I'm not really sure what is meant by that.

I presume the OP is asking if marriage is needed in today's society, to which my answer would be no. However, I do think it is wanted, at least by many of us.

It doesn't matter how many times someone has been married or whether they never get married, it's up to each individual person to make their own decision and there's no right or wrong answer.

[ealdwita]

The old saying - "Marriage is an institution".........But then again, so is Broadmoor!

[HerNibs]

Marriage is a legal contract between two people.  It affords partners certain rights and protections.  Medical, legal and death decisions.  

I've been married 25+ years.  It isn't easy.  Takes a great deal of work but IMO, it's very much worth it.  

Nibs

[Bling]

spud the mackem, on 12 November 2012 - 12:47 AM, said:

Whisky makes you frisky,
Water turns you rusty,
Rum turns you numb,
But Vodka rots your guts,  Nasdarovia !

And brandy makes you randy!

[spud the mackem]

thebarman, on 12 November 2012 - 04:57 PM, said:

I've been married 3 years now, so obviously I don't think it's a "lost cause", but to be honest though I'm not really sure what is meant by that.

I presume the OP is asking if marriage is needed in today's society, to which my answer would be no. However, I do think it is wanted, at least by many of us.

It doesn't matter how many times someone has been married or whether they never get married, it's up to each individual person to make their own decision and there's no right or wrong answer.

  Well Buddy I hope you make it to 40 + yrs like me.

[MissMelsWell]

My folks have been married for 46 years. At one point they almost did split up but managed to get it all back together.

I was married for 12 years. He was a cheater of collassal proportions. I understand he's about to go through divorce #2.

Up until the last couple of years, I was the only person to have been divorced in my family going back generations. (unless you want to count my aunt who married and divorced the same guy THREE times! LOL) one of my cousins split up with her huband a couple of years ago.

I"m not against marriage, but at this point, I'm not sure why I would get married except that the party is fun. If at some point I need to get married so my significant other can make decisions for me or vice versa, or we need to combine medical care or some other reason, Id marry him. But right now, it doesn't seem particularly necessary. We know who we're going home with every night and we know who we like to be with, pretty sure it doesn't require a wedding.

[psyche101]

spud the mackem, on 11 November 2012 - 10:03 AM, said:

Marriage is a contract between 2 people stating that they will stay together (for better or worse),but it seems that when things don't go according to plan (for worse) people can't handle it and part. Is this caused by the stress of modern day living ?. A Headmaster I know told me that 57% of children at his school are single parent families , and its worse in other schools.Has Marriage gone down the pan,or do people decide not to bother and just partner up, then when it comes to the crunch no divorce is necessary.Its tough on the kids who are left without a mom or dad.

I do not think marriage has gone down the pan, but I think many would like to believe that and remove any importance from the union so that is can be disseminated as a superfluous romantic formality. Or, ironically put, a tradition. I feel marriage has been undermined to a point where it means very little these days, and deliberately so to change the perception of the meaning of marriage.

But divorce was heavily frowned upon when I was a child. Still is in many communities, women had little rights and virtually no Government support. The Western ideal of divorce has changed that around dramatically. Now women can leave a household, and continue life as it was before the breakup, that is not having to lower one's standards for living.

So cultural and economic changes have been massive in the last 50 odd years, more so than they have been in the last 2,000 years of marriage. Rather than marriage "going down the pan" I suspect it is in some respects evolving due to the cultural and economic changes in the general partnership situation overall. It's more like we have changed marriage rather than marriage losing anything. But ironically, we still refer to it as tradition.
I would agree that I think it is tougher on the kids. But we need to face up to ourselves, most people do not give a hoot about kids. If we did, the divorce rate would not be so high. I understand it is warranted in some situations, and I do advocate Divorce, but I think it has become all to easy, and that aspect is where a selfish attitude become enough for a divorce. For instance, I know one lady personally who tells me that her kids are happy if she is happy. I think she has it completely back to front. Responsibility has been removed from marriage I would say. Whilst that may have distinct advantages, I cannot be sure on the whole that it is a good thing. Not that opinions matter, the new way is in motion now. We can do naught but sit back and see what it brings.

[Bling]

For me my future marriage will be a public and legal affirmation of my love for Marty and my desire to provide him with full legal rights after I have passed away in order to make his life easier for him at the time. I want him to feel secure in the knowledge that I have bothered to take the extra step to let him and the world know that I want to be his 'Mrs' and partner for life....but I'm mushy like that!  

[spud the mackem]

Bling, on 13 November 2012 - 07:21 AM, said:

For me my future marriage will be a public and legal affirmation of my love for Marty and my desire to provide him with full legal rights after I have passed away in order to make his life easier for him at the time. I want him to feel secure in the knowledge that I have bothered to take the extra step to let him and the world know that I want to be his 'Mrs' and partner for life....but I'm mushy like that!  

  Tell me when and I'll drink a toast.A large Drambuie perhaps.

[Neognosis]

Quote

Marriage is a contract between 2 people stating that they will stay together (for better or worse),but it seems that when things don't go according to plan (for worse) people can't handle it and part. Is this caused by the stress of modern day living ?. A Headmaster I know told me that 57% of children at his school are single parent families , and its worse in other schools.Has Marriage gone down the pan,or do people decide not to bother and just partner up, then when it comes to the crunch no divorce is necessary.Its tough on the kids who are left without a mom or dad.

We live much longer than we did even just a century ago.

Today, men do not reasonably expect to lose at least one wife in childbirth.

Women can support themselves and working outside the home is not taboo.

Therefore, longer life expectancy, the ability of women to support themselves, has led to a change in the way our culture feels about marriage. "Until death do us part" can mean as many as 80 years now, when it used to mean probably more like 7-10.

Not to mention that extramarital affairs are more unacceptable today than they ever have been before. In various times, you stayed married for life, but people looked the other way, and most men of means had a kept woman on the other side of town.

[Viviana98]

Bling, on 12 November 2012 - 12:13 AM, said:

I'm not at all cynical about marriage, which I probably should be considering my experiences with it! My parents split up when I was 11 and I have been married twice (age 22, and 32). I'm in the process of divorcing my second husband at the moment, it should be through by xmas. Now I have met my soulmate in Marty I wouldn't even consider not being married to him, it will happen some time next year! I've had some bad luck in the past - first husband was a closet gay who cheated on me, and second husband was a violent con man. Once you meet the right person you know, I know now....but I admit I was naive in the past and was taken for a ride. Marty's for keeps though, not one shadow of doubt!

I think its awesome that you've remained positive and open to love after going through what you did with your first two husbands. I envy you for being able to move past that and love and trust again, I really do. Your amazing Bling and I wish you the best!

[Catz]

Viviana98, on 11 November 2012 - 10:10 AM, said:

I've been divorced for about 8 yrs now and I don't think I'll ever get married again. I don't want to grow old alone but I don't want to get married.

I'll take the diamond though, just not everything else that goes along with it haha

Me too, this month I'll be divorced for 9 years, but I do not see myself getting married again-I just do not want to go through that all again..Too much pain..! But never say never..

[Bling]

Viviana98, on 14 November 2012 - 09:09 AM, said:

I think its awesome that you've remained positive and open to love after going through what you did with your first two husbands. I envy you for being able to move past that and love and trust again, I really do. Your amazing Bling and I wish you the best!

Thank you sweetie! xx

[Sweetpumper]

Catz, on 14 November 2012 - 01:55 PM, said:

Me too, this month I'll be divorced for 9 years, but I do not see myself getting married again-I just do not want to go through that all again..Too much pain..! But never say never..

Same hell, Different Devil.