How do I Get Over Him? (I Need Help Please!)

[Voyager]

Posted: April 02, 2013---on www.SpiritualForums.com:

For the full story or greater insight, you'll have to be familiar with the other thread I wrote about this situation titled here > http://www.unexplain...opic=236391&hl= , here> http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=240668&hl= and here> http://www.spiritual...ead.php?t=49193

I said I would tell about what happened after the March 18th... Well, on the Tuesday, the 19th of March, I finally told J about my feelings for him. after the comment he made after dropping me off that Monday evening, about a girl wanting him to come over her house that night, it just struck such a jealous cord in me that I couldn't hold it in any longer. I worried about what he might do with that girl from the time I got out of his car until that morning after clocking in to work. We were supposed to be hanging out that following Saturday, but that morning I heard him mention something about doing something to his car on Saturday. Well, he had me under the impression that he was going to hang out with me and said nothing to me about changing his mind, so I walked through his station (on the way to mine) and asked him "what are you doing Saturday?" I don't remember what he said because by then I was too upset to think; it was feeling more like an option while he was my priority. I couldn't let it slide this time. Once I got to my station I texted him "We need to talk." He didn't text me back but I didn't expect him to; I didn't intend to make him nervous either...

Well, his lunch break is usually before mine, but I catch him by the time clock anyway... Weeks before this a psychic had told me that he was upset with me because of a text I had sent him that might have compromised his discretion/privacy. So, this time I went out of my way to make sure he had his phone on him, letting him know that I was about to send him something. After clocking out for lunch I went and sat down in the break room and texted him: "Feel free to delete this when you finish reading it: I don't really like putting myself out there like this, but I just don't want to beat around the bush anymore, so I'm just going to come out and make it clear that I like you, man. I mean I think you're beautiful. Have from the beginning. ...I do notice you talk about the ladies a lot. And it's cool, I never thought you weren't into them, but Ive just wondered if it was your way of telling me...continued" I was going to continue with "...you weren't into me..." but before I could he text me back "u cool and everything but i dont roll like that". I replied "And that is okay. My apology. And I didnt know if you did or not. And I've never really put myself out like this, so I must've thought you were something special, to do so. My bad".

I really had to suck it up in order to send that reply, but his words knocked the wind out of me. I didn't know what to do. I knew I wasn't going to finish eating. Everyone's talking around me turned into gibberish and I sat there and stared at the wall until it was time to clock back in. I just tried to gather myself as I walked back to my station. i didn't want to work anymore but I knew I needed the money so I tried to pull the strength from somewhere. But the more I tried to forget about what just happened the weaker I got. After about 20 minutes of that I just couldn't take it anymore; I gathered my things, waved bye to my supervisor, just so happened to run into my friend, Joe, in the hallway by the time-clock; I had already been wondering if I should cut him off as this situation reminded me too much of what had happened between us. And he just so happened to be in the right place at the right time for me to hand him back the key to his apartment and what I had borrowed of his. My boss happened to be there to see that I was leaving, he gave me a ride to the gate, and I started walking. I walked for about 2 hours until I got to the college. I happened to run into my old English professor who I often confide in--who knows I'm gay (who I was hoping would be there). He asked me how I was doing, I told him "good because I'm alive..." I guess that was enough for him to know something was wrong. So, we walked to his office and I sat and we talked for about an hour (making him late for a meeting). I tell you, my teacher is really a G-d-send; I told him he should think about being a therapist as a second job. Had it not been for him I don't know what I would have done, because I was out of it; I was so embarrassed and ashamed, felt so betrayed, by J who I perceived had been flirting with me for months, and by the many (roughly a hundred or so) psychics who told me that J was definitely attracted to me in the way that I was to him. Now, it hit me that all this time I had been fooling myself; how could I have allowed myself to be so stupid, so gullible, so vulnerable! I called my mother and asked her if she could pick me up, but I still ended up walking about another hour (toward home) before she did; I had to "walk it off."

I guess my ride--to and from work (J's older cousin) didn't know what happened to me, so I wasn't able to communicate to him that I needed a ride to work the following day (I also didn't know if J might have told him "Hey cuz, can you believe **** likes me!" so I was embarrassed all the way around). J is usually my back-up ride, but things were too awkward now, so I rode my bicycle to work the next day. Later that night that I had confessed to J, I texted him, "Are we good?" as I didn't want to hold a grudge. He text me back "Yea we cool." I text him, "Okay, because I would still like to be a friend. (Nothing has changed) And if not that is fine too. You don't know me too well, so you wouldn't understand why I did what I did today, or how I felt.... It was just how you talked about girls (in which you have every right of course) that made me feel I should say something, especially after that comment last night... I'm not going to lie; it did kind of get to me--knowing how I felt about you. I didn't want you to find out this way (text) but I honestly couldn't hold it in anymore after that. Sorry buddy". He texted back, "Yea we friends." He spoke to me and acted normal, but I couldn't speak back to him or look him up at his face for about 2 days. The thing that helped me was that J doesn't show his feelings and acts professional and friendly, so he continued to speak to me even though I wouldn't speak to him. It was through talking to others about it that helped me feel better about the situation, until I eventually caught him walking down the hallway and I I didn't put my head down put looked right in his eyes to let him know that I wasn't upset anymore. We are now back normal; I even asked...told him last Friday to free up this weekend to hang out. He didn't say yes or no, but he said "you're talking about Downtown?" I meant at my friend Joe's (I apologized to him and we're also back to normal) apartment, as we have been planning on for weeks (thinking he would probably feel more comfortable knowing that it would just be a "hanging with the guys" thing). Why he suggested Downtown where he knows it would be like a date, I don't know, but when I mention Joe's place this time he didn't seem excited. I just told him "either one" is cool.

This, however, has been an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least. I want to get to know him more as a person, but I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that I wouldn't still want more to come out of it. Because I will still burn with jealousy when he flirts or talks about females... or even another guy. I don't want anyone else to have him! not romantically. So, I don't know how this is going to work. Honestly, I have still consulted with a few more psychics, in even more desperation after this! And I have still gotten mixed messages. So, although I am glad that I finally came out and told him, it's not enough to make me feel any better about being turned down. Rejection hurts, and the more you love or value a person, the more painful their rejection of you is. It's painful across the board, but if it were a handsome stranger in a club who I approached, it would sting but not as much, as I would probably rarely see him if ever again. But when I have to be in the presence of the person who rejected me everyday, Monday through Friday, having become deeply emotionally attached to him, it's a horse of another color. I constantly wonder "should I look at him this way or not?" "How should I speak to him?" "How should I act when he's around?" "Should I show that I care that he turned me down or should I hold it in and act as though he doesn't faze me?" I try very hard to act normal with him, I try to even ignore him (like many psychics have advised), but it doesn't work. When I hear his voice it sounds so beautiful to me it shoots through me like electricity, his presence (whether direct or passive) is magnetic, his eyes are hypnotic! I can't stand it!!!! I want so much to get over him, but I honestly cannot. I don't know how. I have been turned down many times and it always hurts, especially when I put myself out there on the front line to pursue the person (which usually is the case), but this is not as simple as "There are plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sorry, people can quote that cliche' all they want, but human beings are not the same as fish, and even every fish is unique. And to me, there really no other J*** on this planet; never has been, never will be! I don't want someone like him, I want HIM. And the fact that I can't have him is driving me insane. I really don't know what to do here. The only thing I can do is get over him, but I don't know how to do that.

- - - Updated - - - 04/5/2013

I'm just getting off of work... Before I left, I asked him, once again (I asked him Monday I think) if we were going to hang out this weekend; he said "nah, man... I'll be busy... at your Joe's house?" I told him "you don't have to." He said he'd call if he could. I don't know if he now doesn't want to hang out with me since he knows I like him. He did say our friendship was still in tact, but maybe it can't be normal anymore; I don't know, but I know that from this day forward I'm doing to put effort into ignoring him as much as possible.

I say "effort" because it will actually take lots of effort for me to block him out. See, J, was the biggest benefit to working at this particular job. I really despise this job, in all honesty. and as it proved itself yesterday, I am not a favorite among my coworkers. A few psychics did tell me that people were around me were jealous of me; I didn't understand this as I have a very small personal circle, but "Blessed Prophetess" or "Psychic Victory" from Bitwine.com, told me that there would be a lot of competition and other stuff going on with the job (one psychic, some time ago, even told me there would be a fight involving me). I am one who gets picked at (been that way all of my life, in general), but it actually escalated yesterday to where I felt like a total outcast (couldn't even touch a bite of food and felt like clocking out and going home). But even well before any of this, I just felt very connected to J (beyond sexual attraction). The job doesn't pay nearly as much as it would take for me to be satisfied. J has always been a breathe of fresh air; the only reason I would sometimes look forward to going to work would be solely to see him; whenever walking to and from my station, I'd walk through his station just to say him and possibly have him nod at me or say "what's up" (which he usually did). There is a sense of camaraderie with the other guys, but absent J, my the atmosphere would still be much less exciting.

Yet, I am, for the first time, going to have to get used to J not being there. I have one month left before I let this job go in order to pursue other things (school and another job opportunity), but it is going to be a very long month; it will feel like at least a year, as the energy surrounding this place is getting more intense, and dark as far as I'm concerned. I have tried, sometimes, ignoring J, not looking him in the face or saying "hey" back when he spoke to me, but it really broke my heart to respond to him in such a way, as I really adore him and care about him (people can be skeptical all they want about it but only I know how I really feel about). When I would respond to him like that I would always end up fighting back tears (sometimes they would come anyway). I know, blocking him out is probably the best remedy for a soul broken by his rejection of me, but realistically, it's impossible to totally block him out. I HAVE to hear is voice (when he's talking to someone else). If he speaks to me or says my name, I HAVE to hear it. I HAVE to at least catch a glimpse of him from the corner (even if I look away as fast as I can). If I'm looking down at the ground (to the right or left or up in the air) when he's walking toward me, I could just possibly trip over something and bump into something or someone (which I wouldn't want to do); just to be practical. So, avoiding him the way I would like to is not even an option. All I can do here is try my best to avoid him as much as I can---including resisting the temptation to walk by his station, forcing me to take a longer route to get to where I'm going (walking through his station is a much more convenient and speedy transit---most of the workers do it). I am telling you, the sound of his voice, one glance at him, especially if I catch his face or eyes, and I'll be spell-bound (if my eyes meet his---by accident or not---for a fraction of a second, I'll be back at square-one)! His very presence just a very strong gravitational pull toward me. You may think I'm exaggerating but I truly am not. This is why I say it's impossible for me to avoid him or completely block him out.

If it is something that you do, please pray for me, guys. I have made the decision to not pursue him anymore, but you know it's not going to be easy.

Edited April 6, 2013 by Voyager

[Sakari]

Two things.

I hope you learned your lesson about " psychics ".

Only thing that mends a broken heart is accepting the loss, and accepting how things are.

Only thing that does this is time.

[WoIverine]

When I went through a breakup after 3 years (I really really loved this girl) I knew that I had to make myself as busy as possible, so I did. It helped, but the worst times were when I was alone. So, to combat the alone time, I decided to start playing an online MMO game (Final Fantasy 14). I met a lot of great people there who talked me through things and we all became great friends. We'd go on missions together and we had a blast. Was so much fun, that I started to forget about how bad I felt, and eventually I even delayed dating again because I didn't want it to impact hanging out with my in-game friends. Some people may think that's sad or whatever, but it really helped me get through it.

Edited April 6, 2013 by WoIverine

[Kaikou]

I feel for you dude, I really do. Sakari raised a good point. My situation was very different to you, but hopefully what I say might help in the long run.

A couple of years ago, there was a particular girl that I liked. I'd been to school with her, and 6 years after I left, we got in contact again by chance.

We started hanging around - very frequently and over a small period of time got quite close. Just as things were about to start getting serious, another guy appeared on the scene.

Completely out of the blue, ultimately they got together at which point I was taken out of the picture never to be seen again.

I had put a lot of time, energy and thought Into this just for everything to backfire. I tried to cast it out of my mind - which really didn't work, if anything it just made things harder.

Anyway, after several days of moping around and feeling sorry for myself, I suddenly (completely out of nowhere) got really angry at myself.

I found myself thinking "You're seriously going to let this drag you down?" "Sure she was a great girl, but there are millions more out there. who are even BETTER."

"Stop moping, pick yourself up. "You didn't end up together for a reason, this guy obviously had something that you didn't".

"Take this as an opportunity to learn from what ever mistakes you might have made". "Take all of the negative aspects involved in this and make them positive".

"Learn how to be more attractive to women, learn a new language, lose weight, get in shape, try something new everyday".

I suppose the moral of the story here is that, this is going to be hard for you. However there are ways to take action. We all face the fear and reality of rejection and failure.

However we can reprogram ourselves to embrace those feeling and turn them into stepping stones to get what we ultimately want.

Good luck my friend, I hope you find happiness soon.

[lsra]

You put yourself out there, and when feelings aren't reciprocated it hurts. And it will probably hurt for a while. Time will make the heartache less, but there really is no magic cure all for it. Just know it will get easier. Also, hopefully you have learned that you shouldn't put much stock in what a psychic tells you. You are doing nothing but wasting your money.

[Winter Summer]

It's hard. But everyone who's been there has learned from it. I'm so sorry for your heartache.

Think of this as a practice run for something truly special and lasting in the future.

Best of Luck.