It's about something

[markdohle]

It’s about something

People write for different reasons and I am not always sure why I do it at all. When younger I actually disliked writing and did as little as possible. Though from time to time I did find myself writing page after page of 'something'…. mostly painful stuff that I did not like reading afterwards....So I said one day, why bother-- well I never really bothered anyway.. What I saw did not connect to me, though it was me who wrote it. At times I think there is some compulsion to post, then at others times, it is because I need to. If I don't post, as I have mentioned before, the writing seems stillborn.....don't understand that yet either....in fact I understand so little. I guess when I write, I get to see something of what goes on inside and I am thankful that I have the language to express it. No telling where I would be if I could not put something down on paper. For me, (perhaps for many who write, the millions out there who scribble), everything put down is in some way revealing and therefore at times can be scary to send, but I just hold my breath and hit 'send'. Those who receive can delete and I am sure there are many who do. I delete lots of stuff that is for sure. We all get too much email. Perhaps writing is like threading wool, bringing thoughts and ideas and yes emotions to the surface and what is written is like the thread and is a small part of a very large tapestry. I am a blind writer I believe, I just sit, kind of think of something, and then 'bam!" out it comes. I have tried to plan what I write but it does not work, I trip over my own feet. I think at times I sound robotic when I pen, at others pedantic, then there are times when I think I sound just human, someone trying to find out what that "something" about life is. I know love is central, still seeking that, at times I think I have found it, then the inner chaos starts again and I find myself dancing over the void......perhaps the dancing over the void, something I don't like, is an important part of that "something"….. that is what my life and our lives are about.