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The whole reason she is in councelling is so I don't say anything bad about him. It puts me in a hard position when she asks me ehy he did thungs like he did. After telling me he gave her an alcoholic beverage at 8, it was really hard to keep my cool. When I asked her why she didn't tell me about (4 years) she told me that he told her that I wouldn't let him see her anymore. We blocked the emails and had to change our cell numbers due to his harrassing and abusive messages. As to court, here in BC it is up to the judge whether he/ wants to talk to the child. From what my lawyer has stated, she will not be subjected to this as my daughter wrote a letter with the councellor stating her wants. I know, I have been subject to usually men who are 'skeptical'. I am not trying to get back at him-I left him after the second time he hit me. And with the laws here, until the child is old enough to make a choice, you have to send them to visit. I have tried to get along with him, even listening to him complain about his girlfriends in order to have my daughter see a healthy parent relationship. But, once things started coming out, that was the end of tha
Its hard to know the extent of your grievance towards him. And obviously you may not want to talk about here. But minus sexual/physical/severe emotional abuse towards your daughter or others that she may be witnessing these things occurring to, Its a fine line to cross in refusing visitation.
Both me and my ex went through episodes were we had problems with D&A and we both responded by not letting the other visit during that time. It sucked wholly crapola balls but in the long run as our child was still <5 it was likely nice not to expose him to our insanity. Giving a child an alcoholic beverage at age 8 although isnt what I would choose to do nor our childs mom it is not totally unacceptable in many European style cultures so one would have to know more before saying its a bad thing specifically. Was it at a holiday meal special event etc...
Anyways I could go on for a long time about this glorybebe and thank you for bringing up such an interesting topic even if its an unpleasant life experience to yourself.
What I do see is his family has alot more money then you and hes using that as a power tool over the child and to an extent you. When hes already got to pay for an attorney for family court and is still buying her those gifts hed be telling you bring it on. Id say its a statement akin to that. At 13 the psychology of being in such a battle of wills is not good for the child. Id say. Because shes aware enough to know whats going on. Also the grandparents are reaching out to you and from this perspective they are doing so in good faith. I mean there attachment to there grandchild is just as real as your own attachment. So you might want to explore improving your relationship with them if your relationship with the dad is deteriorating. One thing you dont want to do is alienate her from the grandparents who might be completely innocent in this situation and ARE an important part of who she is and growing up knowing them is important IMO. This is what they meant when they said being a parent is not easy.
Id only implore parents to work all this stuff oiut well before there children reach this age as it an ugly part of the modern era and a good reason to find "the one" before having children. A big reason I only have 1 child.
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glorybebe, on 06 February 2013 - 05:10 PM, said:
