Ex-girlfriend in dreams (need input)

[C Rich]

Hello everybody.

For the last 4 years I have dreamt about my ex-girlfriend. This woman and I had dated about 8 months. Things were always great. In fact, there were hardly any problems at all that I can remember. We were very close and comftorable with one another. She was a virgin, unlike myself, and wanted to give herself to me. I refused because I did not want to complicated our relationship with sex. The way I saw it, We had plenty of time for those things in the future. Our relationship was just that good. I was 19 yr. old college student at the time and she was 17. She wasn't your typical teenager however. She was raised right and valued her morals. Her priorities in life were a bit different than mine at the time. Her main focus was on school. She had big goals(to attend a prestigious Law School). After spending day and night with eachother for 8 months, her priorities had swayed more to school than that of me. I understood. We were both in two different situations but both didn't want to sacrifice our relationship to achieve our goals. Eventually after time, something had to give. We both decided that it would be for the best and part our seperate ways. We never closed any doors. We left them open. We had hope that one day that we would re-unite and this time on our terms. Eventually with time, we had lost touch almost completely.

I am now married with one child whom I love both dearly. I joined the military and am now serving in Iraq. Before I got married, I called my Ex and informed her of the news that I was going to get married. I didn't want her to keep holding on to something that would probably not happen. But, even after settling down with somebody new I still have these dreams of "Her" (my ex). The interesting thing is I do not think of her during my waking hours at all and then I have a random dream of her. This then causes old emotions and feeling to come back for a couple weeks until the dreams stop. I carry on with my life and then a couple months later, the dreams start again.

Heres the deal. In Iraq you are given plenty of time to think about things. Your mind can really wonder off. I just started having these dreams again. The 3rd dream in 5 days! I start thinking of her and then feel guilty that my mind is on her rather than my wife back home. I don't know what to do any longer. It's hard because I do not believe that I am the one responsible for inducing these dreams because I do not think of her at all during the day. They just randomly occur. It is a vicious cycle that is making me second guess my marriage and love for my wife.

Most of the dreams are pretty similar:

In the bginning of the dreams it's usally her and I. We are usually some place crowded with people. I cant recall what we are talking about. Theres definately a attraction between the two. We have even kissed in a couple of these dreams. The middle of the dream is usually a blur but I usually remember the endings. We are both keeping eye contact from across a large room or long hallway. There are people everywhere. We are both trying to make our way to one another but the dream ends before we make contact.

The last dream I had was the most shocking however because it was unlike the previous dreams. It was her and I. We kissed and things kept getting more intimate until we actually made love. I remember that I was married in this dream with my current wife and I asked myself before the encounter, "Should I be doing this"? I have never cheated on anybody in my life. Ultimately, I made the decision to sleep with my ex in the dream. Once again, the middle of the dream was a blur but the ending was interesting. We somehow both ended up in a college class room. She was sitting two seats behind me. The professor dismissed the class and I turned and look at her as I grabbed my belongings. She looked at me and said while holding her hand out to me, "Now I can have you, the way in which we both want". She lead me out of the classroom and into the long hallway. I dont know where we are headed but this is where I woke up.

I do not know what these dreams are implying but I know the feeling I have when I awaken. I feel content, energized, and really... somewhat relieved.

Any advice or explanation of why this keeps happening would be greatly appreciated! I apologize for rambling on and on.

The interesting thing is, I do not really think of her during my waking hours.

[radioactive-bagel]

Hello everybody.

For the last 4 years I have dreamt about my ex-girlfriend. This woman and I had dated about 8 months. Things were always great. In fact, there were hardly any problems at all that I can remember. We were very close and comftorable with one another. She was a virgin, unlike myself, and wanted to give herself to me. I refused because I did not want to complicated our relationship with sex. The way I saw it, We had plenty of time for those things in the future. Our relationship was just that good. I was 19 yr. old college student at the time and she was 17. She wasn't your typical teenager however. She was raised right and valued her morals. Her priorities in life were a bit different than mine at the time. Her main focus was on school. She had big goals(to attend a prestigious Law School). After spending day and night with eachother for 8 months, her priorities had swayed more to school than that of me. I understood. We were both in two different situations but both didn't want to sacrifice our relationship to achieve our goals. Eventually after time, something had to give. We both decided that it would be for the best and part our seperate ways. We never closed any doors. We left them open. We had hope that one day that we would re-unite and this time on our terms. Eventually with time, we had lost touch almost completely.

I am now married with one child whom I love both dearly. I joined the military and am now serving in Iraq. Before I got married, I called my Ex and informed her of the news that I was going to get married. I didn't want her to keep holding on to something that would probably not happen. But, even after settling down with somebody new I still have these dreams of "Her" (my ex). The interesting thing is I do not think of her during my waking hours at all and then I have a random dream of her. This then causes old emotions and feeling to come back for a couple weeks until the dreams stop. I carry on with my life and then a couple months later, the dreams start again.

Heres the deal. In Iraq you are given plenty of time to think about things. Your mind can really wonder off. I just started having these dreams again. The 3rd dream in 5 days! I start thinking of her and then feel guilty that my mind is on her rather than my wife back home. I don't know what to do any longer. It's hard because I do not believe that I am the one responsible for inducing these dreams because I do not think of her at all during the day. They just randomly occur. It is a vicious cycle that is making me second guess my marriage and love for my wife.

Most of the dreams are pretty similar:

In the bginning of the dreams it's usally her and I. We are usually some place crowded with people. I cant recall what we are talking about. Theres definately a attraction between the two. We have even kissed in a couple of these dreams. The middle of the dream is usually a blur but I usually remember the endings. We are both keeping eye contact from across a large room or long hallway. There are people everywhere. We are both trying to make our way to one another but the dream ends before we make contact.

The last dream I had was the most shocking however because it was unlike the previous dreams. It was her and I. We kissed and things kept getting more intimate until we actually made love. I remember that I was married in this dream with my current wife and I asked myself before the encounter, "Should I be doing this"? I have never cheated on anybody in my life. Ultimately, I made the decision to sleep with my ex in the dream. Once again, the middle of the dream was a blur but the ending was interesting. We somehow both ended up in a college class room. She was sitting two seats behind me. The professor dismissed the class and I turned and look at her as I grabbed my belongings. She looked at me and said while holding her hand out to me, "Now I can have you, the way in which we both want". She lead me out of the classroom and into the long hallway. I dont know where we are headed but this is where I woke up.

I do not know what these dreams are implying but I know the feeling I have when I awaken. I feel content, energized, and really... somewhat relieved.

Any advice or explanation of why this keeps happening would be greatly appreciated! I apologize for rambling on and on.

The interesting thing is, I do not really think of her during my waking hours.

You're subconsciously dwelling on something in the past that you feel should have gone differently. It seems like part of you doesn't think it's over yet..that the phone call wasn't enough. If things are going great with your family, I wouldn't think too hard about these dreams after you have them. They should go away with time. Well, it's been four years already..but maybe once you can let go of her in your dreams, things will be resolved and you'll stop having them.

[Purplos]

I'm not dream expert, but here's what I think.

The girl from your past is being used as a 'what if' in your life. She is the 'other road' you might have taken. I would think it has something to do with being in Iraq and having that extra time to think and, most likely, the stress of the situation and being away from your wife. It's not about the girl, exactly, but just about what other paths your life could've taken.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.

[C Rich]

You're subconsciously dwelling on something in the past that you feel should have gone differently. It seems like part of you doesn't think it's over yet..that the phone call wasn't enough. If things are going great with your family, I wouldn't think too hard about these dreams after you have them. They should go away with time. Well, it's been four years already..but maybe once you can let go of her in your dreams, things will be resolved and you'll stop having them.

Maybe so.. there wasn't proper closure. The phone call should had been enough. Maybe it was enough for her, but perhaps not for myself and thats why the dreams continue. I almost get the urge to try and schedule a face to face visit so I can tell her exactly what has been going on within the last 4 years ,pertaining to my dreams that is. I would like to see her reaction to these dreams and how she would respond. Maybe it would aid me in finding closure for myself and I can continue on with my life with my family. Just a thought. I just would like to continue on without all the confusion of whether my mind, God, or even ESP is trying to tell me something indirectly. By the way, is it possible for people to communicate indirectly through each others dreams???

[Rosewin]

For the last 4 years I have dreamt about my ex-girlfriend.

It usually takes 1/3 of the time we are with someone to get over them. This is out of the ordinary for sure.

I understood.

Did you accept? Acceptance is the biggest part of moving forward or else some part of us will always stay stuck in the past.

We never closed any doors. We left them open. We had hope that one day that we would re-unite and this time on our terms. Eventually with time, we had lost touch almost completely.

So this is actually saying perhaps that you never closed any doors? That you left them open?

Do you still have hope one day you will re-unite? Do you regret losing touch?

Before I got married, I called my Ex and informed her of the news that I was going to get married. I didn't want her to keep holding on to something that would probably not happen. But, even after settling down with somebody new I still have these dreams of "Her" (my ex).

Did you actually call hoping she would say she still loves you and not to get married?

The interesting thing is I do not think of her during my waking hours at all and then I have a random dream of her. This then causes old emotions and feeling to come back for a couple weeks until the dreams stop. I carry on with my life and then a couple months later, the dreams start again.

If the emotions and feelings come back they are not old but recent and it means you are really thinking of her in your daylight hours.

I start thinking of her and then feel guilty that my mind is on her rather than my wife back home. I don't know what to do any longer. It's hard because I do not believe that I am the one responsible for inducing these dreams because I do not think of her at all during the day. They just randomly occur. It is a vicious cycle that is making me second guess my marriage and love for my wife.

If you feel guilty this is definitely a problem that needs to be resolved and it is outside the scope of this thread or forum to fully help you with that but surely you realize this already.

I do not know what these dreams are implying but I know the feeling I have when I awaken. I feel content, energized, and really... somewhat relieved.

You still have an emotional attachment, dare I say a form of love, for someone else, the thought of them from a dream experience can bring you great joy and contentment, this might be something you will have to realize.

It does seem like you have a connection with this person as well and have not fully closed it which will need to be if you wish to get on with your life. How to close it depends on what you believe will work.

There is no way someone can give you advice between whether this is just an unhealthy connection that needs to be broken so you can move on with your life or if this is a healthy connection and part of fate so that you should tell your wife and then go confess your love to this old flame which might not result in her returning the same feelings. My advice is get help but also that it most likely is an unhealthy connection that needs to be broken.

Edited October 3, 2009 by Rosewin

[C Rich]

It usually takes 1/3 of the time we are with someone to get over them. This is out of the ordinary for sure.

Did you accept? Acceptance is the biggest part of moving forward or else some part of us will always stay stuck in the past.

So this is actually saying perhaps that you never closed any doors? That you left them open?

Do you still have hope one day you will re-unite? Do you regret losing touch?

Did you actually call hoping she would say she still loves you and not to get married?

If the emotions and feelings come back they are not old but recent and it means you are really thinking of her in your daylight hours.

If you feel guilty this is definitely a problem that needs to be resolved and it is outside the scope of this thread or forum to fully help you with that but surely you realize this already.

You still have an emotional attachment, dare I say a form of love, for someone else, the thought of them from a dream experience can bring you great joy and contentment, this might be something you will have to realize.

It does seem like you have a connection with this person as well and have not fully closed it which will need to be if you wish to get on with your life. How to close it depends on what you believe will work.

There is no way someone can give you advice between whether this is just an unhealthy connection that needs to be broken so you can move on with your life or if this is a healthy connection and part of fate so that you should tell your wife and then go confess your love to this old flame which might not result in her returning the same feelings. My advice is get help but also that it most likely is an unhealthy connection that needs to be broken.

I failed to mention that after the break up, it was really hard on her. More so than with myself. She would call randomly, telling me that she wishes that she could be with me and we could do the things we used to with one another. I would offer to meet up and talk about things over a cup of coffee. She would refuse and say that it was just too hard. This happend about once a month for about 8 months after the break up.

It seemed that she longed to be back together but the timing was still bad. This was how our conversations continued for months on end until I called her pertaining to me getting married.

After getting married(2 and one half years now) we kept communication from time-to-time via e-mail. My only intention for staying in touch with her was to not lose our friendship. She replied for a while but then stopped. I took this as her letting go or maybe she just could not handle only having a friendship with me. She may had wanted more and it was just too hard for her. I dunno. This is a mystery to me. I would like to know how she has been and if she still thinks about the road that could have been taken.

I guess what I want to know is what kind of person she is now. Meeting with her and explaining these dreams. Get her view on everything and just maybe it well help me find my own closure. Thus, then the dreams might stop....

[Lady Amethyst]

I guess what I want to know is what kind of person she is now. Meeting with her and explaining these dreams. Get her view on everything and just maybe it well help me find my own closure. Thus, then the dreams might stop....

It sounds like you're feeling some form of guilt for breaking up with her. I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to regain contact with her about your intimate dreams. We all dream about our past lovers and this isn't suggesting that those people want us back, but for some it can be.

You mention "mystery" and we all want to solve mysteries from our past.

Don't let this dream of her take you over. Some dreams can overcome a person and even make someone fall in love (or fall back in love with) another. You're in Iraq. I'm sure your family and esp your wife is thinking about you a lot. Dreams can behave like red herrings and fool people into taking upon silly quests, and even make mistakes. Think carefully first before you consider talking deeply to your ex girlfriend.

The dreams are not so much about her, your ex girlfriend. The dreams are about yourself.

You're wondering what will happen to you. Sometimes you may feel homesick and missing people. I think your dreams are a reflection of your emotions and the past because that was where you were probably safer. Your ex symbolises that past safety and if it isn't dreaming about her then it's dreaming about your parents, or former buddies, or stuff you always liked. Write more to your family and wife

[Rosewin]

I also feel the dreams are about yourself but only you truly know yourself. If you do believe you are being on the level with yourself regarding your own feelings then perhaps you might be right that this connections is her doing and her inability to let go. If this is the problem indeed, maybe some type of action on her part, with or without her intentionally doing so, simply refusing to forget someone can keep us bound to them and in some way them bound to us, these dreams might simply be her energy and refusal to let go reaching you.

If all that is the case then talking to her still is a very risky endeavor in that it can make things worse and harder for her. If you believe these dreams are her doing my advice is to still seek help, another kind, and to have this connection broken.

I failed to mention that after the break up, it was really hard on her. More so than with myself. She would call randomly, telling me that she wishes that she could be with me and we could do the things we used to with one another. I would offer to meet up and talk about things over a cup of coffee. She would refuse and say that it was just too hard. This happend about once a month for about 8 months after the break up.

It seemed that she longed to be back together but the timing was still bad. This was how our conversations continued for months on end until I called her pertaining to me getting married.

After getting married(2 and one half years now) we kept communication from time-to-time via e-mail. My only intention for staying in touch with her was to not lose our friendship. She replied for a while but then stopped. I took this as her letting go or maybe she just could not handle only having a friendship with me. She may had wanted more and it was just too hard for her. I dunno. This is a mystery to me. I would like to know how she has been and if she still thinks about the road that could have been taken.

I guess what I want to know is what kind of person she is now. Meeting with her and explaining these dreams. Get her view on everything and just maybe it well help me find my own closure. Thus, then the dreams might stop....

Edited October 3, 2009 by Rosewin

[radioactive-bagel]

Maybe so.. there wasn't proper closure. The phone call should had been enough. Maybe it was enough for her, but perhaps not for myself and thats why the dreams continue. I almost get the urge to try and schedule a face to face visit so I can tell her exactly what has been going on within the last 4 years ,pertaining to my dreams that is. I would like to see her reaction to these dreams and how she would respond. Maybe it would aid me in finding closure for myself and I can continue on with my life with my family. Just a thought. I just would like to continue on without all the confusion of whether my mind, God, or even ESP is trying to tell me something indirectly. By the way, is it possible for people to communicate indirectly through each others dreams???

Another reason you could be stuck is because you're keeping this to yourself. Instead of going to your ex about it. Maybe you should (carefully) tell your wife. Part of the reason why your so bothered is because you are happy and you like the way things are. So by not telling your wife about your bizarre dream, they keep occurring. You feel guilty when there probably is no need for you to be.

[Fitter]

Something you need to focus on is that dreams are imagery. What people dream about is not a true representation of events or issues in real life but only a representation of the real issues.

Consequently, even though you are dreaming about this previous girlfriend, it is not actually her that is the cause of the problem you are agonizing over in your subconscious.

You know the relationship with her ended without closure. That is not the issue. Your subconscious is using that example of unfinished business to represent in your dreams a deeper issue that needs to be resolved.

Examine your life from your career choice downwards to see if you can pin down the real cause of these dreams. Once that is resolved, you will cease having the dreams of this past girlfriend.

F

[number444]

A now ex-girlfriend, who at the time was my girlfriend, was so mad at me one morning when I woke up. The previous night everything was ok, but in the morning, she was furious. I kept asking her what was wrong and she gave me the silent treatment, until finally she told me that the reason she was mad was because I kept saying my ex-wife's name in my sleep. And like you, I don't even think about my ex during the day, so I felt she was over-reacting, but whatever the case may be, she held a grudge.

Now as far as what's going on with you. I think you need to be very careful about how you handle yourself in the near future.

My interpretation is that you're having personal issues with your current marriage. It could be that you married too quickly with someone you thought was the one. If she is, then once again, be careful and don't mess it up. It could be - if you find yourself torn between two girls that you love, and you don't know who to give your heart to, then what it really boils down to is that neither one is meant for you.

Chances are that it's a personal issue related to control.

Maybe you love your current wife so much that the thought of her letting you go would destroy you and the way your subconscious protects you from going off into the deep end with that thought is to make her not seem so important by focusing on a person that you had feelings for in the past.

we will all get old. make sure that when you are old, you can look back and have very little regrets if any.

good luck with it all.

[Tim G]

I'm thinking, on some level, you haven't fully let her go yet and it is slipping into your mind. She will move on regardless and find someone else even if the breakup was hard. You need to tell your mind to forget the notion of it. By letting yourself take ANY validity in these dreams, you start to question reality and the choices you made and that's never a good way to live.

-Tim G