DemosKratos Posted December 12, 2012 #1 Share Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) It breaks my heart but I will never be able to show it to her. I poured my heart into it and was hoping I could get some feedback about it. The last part is ridiculously corny intentionally. Thanks guys. Two eyes guided my head to the door When into the room she appeared My jaw collapsed to the floor To where I sat, she neared Between us a passion is shared The essence of the written word A single conversation, you had me snared Is what I'm feeling so absurd? I've walked down my path deaf, dumb and blind Vaguely aware of the prison I'm in You did so much to unshackle my mind I can feel wings sprouting from within I've crossed the Atlantic for the sixth time Endless oaths I have swore I've fought in war, covered in blood and grime How have I never felt this before? I shouldn't know you but I feel like I do Your quality shines bright Compassionate, intelligent and funny too I'm surrounded by darkness, you are the light I can't know how you feel or what you think But I'd like to know So would you like to get some cofee to drink? Edited December 12, 2012 by DemosKratos 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted December 12, 2012 #2 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Love does a crazy thing to a soul... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemosKratos Posted December 12, 2012 Author #3 Share Posted December 12, 2012 It does indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hasina Posted December 12, 2012 #4 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Bloody brilliant~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemosKratos Posted December 12, 2012 Author #5 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Of Shadows Posted December 12, 2012 #6 Share Posted December 12, 2012 great job with the rhyme ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemosKratos Posted December 12, 2012 Author #7 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks! I am starting to write a lot more for the sake of writing instead of just for college assignments. I don't know why I have specifically taken an interest in poetry but I was nervous submitting this, I actually thought maybe it was too much rhyming. I read my schools literature magazine that features a lot of poems from other students and a lot of them don't rhyme at all... I'm going off on a tangent I guess, I'll just stop here and say I have no idea what I'm doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmilinJack Posted December 12, 2012 #8 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Love does a crazy thing to a soul... Sometimes not positive... In any case that's a story for another time. Enjoyed the poem. Glad to see someone experiencing such strong feelings. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarah_444 Posted December 12, 2012 #9 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Nicely done. You don't have to know much about poetry to write it. It's in there, just let it out. "A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses". ~Jean Cocteau 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Of Shadows Posted December 12, 2012 #10 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Thanks! I am starting to write a lot more for the sake of writing instead of just for college assignments. I don't know why I have specifically taken an interest in poetry but I was nervous submitting this, I actually thought maybe it was too much rhyming. I read my schools literature magazine that features a lot of poems from other students and a lot of them don't rhyme at all... I'm going off on a tangent I guess, I'll just stop here and say I have no idea what I'm doing. i never had interest in poems that doesn't rhyme in my opinion it's the rhyme that gives it this nice tune when you read it so don't look at what others are doing or done , do what you like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Still Waters Posted December 13, 2012 #11 Share Posted December 13, 2012 It's a good poem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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