Do humans really need both parents?

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

I have wondered this for a while. I was raised by a single parent, my mom.

and i realized today how it affected me, when a few friends talked about marriage so excitedly! and i felt like puking, the thought of being with one man together forever for the rest of my life..how? why would u do that??? i see my aunt deal with it everyday and she puts up with all my uncles crap and she has kids so she wont leave him, there's no way i'd do that!

then i remembered that everytime i've picture myself with kids, its just me and my daughter i see, just me and her being really happy, my friends told me i was the wierd one and i can totally see that! like lol it is wierd, instead of imagining me and my husband happy with our kids, it makes me happier imagining me and my daughter there.

me and my mom are bestfriends, i tell her everything, and i've never seen her have a stable relationship, but because she always gets cheated on, so i saw her grow out of that and she became really hard and picky with dudes, and so have i, i'd rather be alone, ive seen different types of men come into our lives and i enjoy being alone for a while.

k maybe im blabberin alot now, but point was, i feel happy i didnt grow up with my dad, my mom was both; i really never felt he wasnt there because she always told me how much she loved me and i was an only child so we really do only have each other, i feel happy when i thnk about marriage, but i dont think it would work out, i get bored fast and i think its hard to understand why some women stay with men even though they treat them like crap.

i feel i grew up just fine though, i did suffer some abandonment issues, and only looked for the BAD GUYS, but now that im older, i dont put up with anyones crap, and i would never date the same type of irresponsible rebel guys that i used to when i was younger, now i kinda choose wisely, and who can bring good to my life not drama, i've grown lots from who i was. i have friends who did grow up with both their parents and they pick the worst guys to be with, they dont mind getting humiliated, i just dont get it, im not saying this is all the people who grow up with both parents, but most of the ones i've met. what do u guys think?

do we really need both?? i dont feel i did..

[Erowin]

Well, you don't NEED both. Obviously you can grow up stable and happy with one parent, or even a foster parent or relative! Marriage is something people enjoy, and seeing your mother have many failed relationships probably changed your view on it. Most people marry their best friend, so after the intense love fades you can still put up with one another! Hahaha. I imagine a spouse just becomes like family. I was raised by both parents, and they become just very comfortable with one another. Of course, one parent is certainly enough. Glad you are so close to your mom

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

yeah, what is normal anyways right? what i wondered was, how it affected you in relationships or about the thought of love, but there is too many things that can affect people not just that, i wondered if values mattered or meant different things, but were all different.

[Purplos]

i've never seen her have a stable relationship, but because she always gets cheated on, so i saw her grow out of that and she became really hard and picky with dudes, and so have i, i'd rather be alone, ive seen different types of men come into our lives and i enjoy being alone for a while.

I think this is the reason you don't feel the need for a man in your life long term, not the fact that you didn't have a long term father, if you get what I mean. Being raised by a single mother didn't create your attitude on marriage and men. Seeing your Mom get cheated on and never find stability with a man did.

It's obvious that many people grow up to be fine, functional people with just one parent. I divorced my boys' father when they were babies and they're both fine, functional people. Would they have been different if I had a stable man in my life the whole time? Sure! Would they have been better? Nah, but I don't really see things in terms of 'better' and 'worse' when it comes to personalities and interests.

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

I think this is the reason you don't feel the need for a man in your life long term, not the fact that you didn't have a long term father, if you get what I mean. Being raised by a single mother didn't create your attitude on marriage and men. Seeing your Mom get cheated on and never find stability with a man did.

It's obvious that many people grow up to be fine, functional people with just one parent. I divorced my boys' father when they were babies and they're both fine, functional people. Would they have been different if I had a stable man in my life the whole time? Sure! Would they have been better? Nah, but I don't really see things in terms of 'better' and 'worse' when it comes to personalities and interests.

my parents got divorced when i was 3 so guess my image is that one, just me and my mom.

[Murrangurk]

hi Aubrienne, thought throw my lot in the ring.

I never had an opinion on same sex parents and single parents until a while back. I don't think you necessarily need both parents, but you do need both sexes to provide a role model or relationship with.

I grew up with my mum, who married later, but like most step-parents I never gelled with my step-father. I did have trouble dealing with male figures when I was younger. they scared the **** out of me. But did grow out of it. I too was marriage-phobic like you. Still am, in fact! but I am currently with someone (opposite sex,) and can definitely see myself with her forever. She's very awesome and we have a lot in common, and enough to overcome our differences. It took a long time, and lots of disastrous relationships, to get here. Both of us absolutely hate the idea of marriage, and kids - she is 100% AGAINST breeding. I'm only 90%!!

I missed my dad a lot, and tried hard to find a role as a male when I was younger, especially from my early teens into my twenties. I'm late 30's now, and feel awesome about who i am, as a male, and I'm also happy with my feminine aspects too. These terms, masc. and fem. are kinda amorphous, general abstracts, though, who knows what they really mean? When I was in my mid teens, it was a very hard time. I felt very alone, and I would put on albums by Jimi Hendrix and other male musicians, and while they were playing I'd allow myself to believe they were in the room, and I'd tell them all the stuff I would have told my dad, but couldn't tell my mum. A lot of it was just stupid ****, like what i did at school, and how many bottles I smashed with one stone that day. I often wonder if my life would have been different if my dad was around.

As I got older, I got the chance to know my real mum and dad better, and I'm glad I grew up without him, regardless. In the end it comes down to people, how messed up they are, their painful or happy pasts, their personalities. In hindsight, i did have a lot senior males in my life that I learnt from. As I did women.

i once knew a lesbian couple that had a kid through IV. We lived in a huge place with lots of workshops and they'd come over and do stuff. i was one of the first people there to be friendly with their kid, say hello, and have a conversation with her. She was about 8. When she came over and was bored I would let her play my xbox while her parents were working. i noticed she was absolutely desperate for male attention, and she totally locked on to me, followed me around, ask me questions, watched what i did like a hawk. The game was about pirates and she'd always be asking me about strategy and ships and so on. Sometimesi just didn't have time toplay with her or explain everything, and i hoped she'd just pretty soon get involved in the xbox and let me get back to what ever I was doing. but it became pretty apparent that she did crave interaction with males. Her parents were quite full on gay and political. They were also quite sexist. they didn't have a good opinion about males. In a sense they kind of denied the father figure in her life. It was easy to tell she needed to experience a father or senior male to relate to, and also she needed to feel good about who her father might have been. If she could have a positive, constructive relationship with an adult male, she could feel positive about the aspects of her that are her father's. this is probablytrue not just of same sex couples, but single sex parents were their is difficulty or blockage in the relationship toward the parent's opposite sex.

Ultimately I think it's a subconscious, social need. in a sense, what may be percieved as the "ideal" in the end is transmuted through circumstance and karma, if you will, so as a growing human you make do with what you're given. And there's much truth in the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." A proper healthy village has males and females in it. And I think it isn't healthy to grow up with just one parent, or even one kind of parents. You need all kinds of relationships as you grow up. Also it's probably not exactly unhealthy either, maybe just harder incertain respects.

[H.H. Holmes]

Having a male rolemodel and female rolemodel in a child's life is the most beneficial scenario. However, you can be raised by a single mom or dad (or two moms or dads) and grow up to be just fine. It really matters how good of a parent you had.

[~TheBigK~]

Well, you don't NEED both. Obviously you can grow up stable and happy with one parent, or even a foster parent or relative! Marriage is something people enjoy, and seeing your mother have many failed relationships probably changed your view on it. Most people marry their best friend, so after the intense love fades you can still put up with one another! Hahaha. I imagine a spouse just becomes like family. I was raised by both parents, and they become just very comfortable with one another. Of course, one parent is certainly enough. Glad you are so close to your mom

Having a male rolemodel and female rolemodel in a child's life is the most beneficial scenario. However, you can be raised by a single mom or dad (or two moms or dads) and grow up to be just fine. It really matters how good of a parent you had.

I agree with these. It might change your view on things but you definitely don't need both parents. My father died when I was younger, which I realize is not the same as divorce, but I was raised primarily by my mother. I can see how divorce might negatively affect somone's view on relationships or love, that makes sense. My dad passing though, has sort of made me appreciate relationships and the thought of marriage more. They would have never gotten divorced and my mom had to go through a lot raising us when he was gone, and it was nice to know that they at least loved each other and she took care of him best she could.

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

hi Aubrienne, thought throw my lot in the ring.

I missed my dad a lot, and tried hard to find a role as a male when I was younger, especially from my early teens into my twenties. I'm late 30's now, and feel awesome about who i am, as a male, and I'm also happy with my feminine aspects too. These terms, masc. and fem. are kinda amorphous, general abstracts, though, who knows what they really mean? When I was in my mid teens, it was a very hard time. I felt very alone, and I would put on albums by Jimi Hendrix and other male musicians, and while they were playing I'd allow myself to believe they were in the room, and I'd tell them all the stuff I would have told my dad, but couldn't tell my mum. A lot of it was just stupid ****, like what i did at school, and how many bottles I smashed with one stone that day. I often wonder if my life would have been different if my dad was around.

i did this too! aww its so sad when i think back, my mom had to leave me with strangers many times to go to work, i remeber she used to put me to bed, but i knew when i woke up she wouldnt be there so i'd hold on to her pants in that place where belts go, lol id wrap my fingers around there hoping she wouldnt be able to leave me, but she had to go to work,i remebr i had a huge fear of her dying when i was little, i was always worried that she would die and leave me. its so sad when i look back at that, and thanks to my dad i went through lots of crap in life, but in the end i guess i turned out good, u know its like, what situation havent i been through by now?? it's made me tougher and mature.

one thing i remeber too is my mom asking me to be an adult to act older, i was 10 and she'd tell me "your 10! your not little anymore, act your age!" and i was like " but im only 10..im a child =[" i hated growing up too soon, i didnt want her to ruin my childhood, so then i would worry more about my own good sometimes, and evr since, i've always worried about how things affect me, and worrying about the future and i feel old even though im 22, i feel like my life is almost over, though when i talk to older people they make me feel stupid for even thinking that way.

i always wonder why im so wierd like that, i worry so much about how certain people will affect my feelings, when i was little i remebr i had OCD ish and i read about it, so i fixed myself, my mom never knew this, but i used to have to count around and do certain things repeatedly or else something in my head would tell me i would die, or if i didnt do things, then my mom would die, so then i would always turn the shower water to freezing cold and and count to 60 or else i coudlnt leave the shower, and one day i read about it and i told myself to stop and i got out one day without doing that and i realized it was all mental and i didnt listen to those voices in my head anymore, i ignored it, i realized i could be crazy so i began to ignore the voices and be trying to act normal, and idk if i still am, but i dont do those things anymore lol its those wierd thigns i did as a kid that i cant beelive turned me to who iam now.

[danielost]

you may need some counsiling not saying you do but most people want to be with a partner. and if your aunt is being abused she is being stupid, that of course is my opinion. i am from a broken family too, my dad says he got costudy of me to stop my moms abuse of me. i told him from my point of view he might as well have left me with her.

everyone i have ever loved has used me. yet i still want a partner.

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

you may need some counsiling not saying you do but most people want to be with a partner. and if your aunt is being abused she is being stupid, that of course is my opinion. i am from a broken family too, my dad says he got costudy of me to stop my moms abuse of me. i told him from my point of view he might as well have left me with her.

everyone i have ever loved has used me. yet i still want a partner.

then looks like we both need counseling. ive never had any, but i took psychology so i understand many things about me.

usually when people grow up without one of their parents, they grow up feeling that they have this gap missing, and usualy try to fill that in with whoever the love partner is, funny enough the only partners these people are interested in are as abusive type who will only help recreate everything they've been through, theres either that case or the case where instead you become ths person who prefers to be the cheater thn to be cheated on, because we've been abandoned, so we cant take closeness and when somethings ging awesome then u go ahead and cheat or you feel like your patrner is just anooying! we cant have stable relationships and there's always lame drama if you dont pick a fight then the other person will, and usually your attracted to others who have been through the same crap so it just happens all over, its a pattern that needs to be broken, once i realized this, it helped me alot because i was into guys who treated me like crap and i would stay cus i was "in love" it wasnt though, its this pattern we need to stop and actually look for people who will treat us good. i went through both cases already and now im being picky bout who im with and whenever i see signs in a guy that one of my exes had, i freakin run, cus im tired of that cycle; whenever a dude tells me he smokes or i find hes into drugs, or he tells me he's cheated before, instead of thinking "i can change him" and "he'd never do those things to me!" now i think, RED FLAG..i hate the drama and i dont want it, i want a real dude who actually wants something out of life like i do now and i dont havbe time to be hurting you know? so yeah

and about my aunt. yes she stupid thanks to her i know what i will never put up with, can u beelive he is such a macho man he woudlnt let his 6 year old boy go to the store with him if he had a pink shirt on? he made fun of his own son and told him he was gay if he didnt take of his shirt! yes to a little 6 year old boy! he made big fuzz out of it and made the kid cry and my aunt does nothing about it! she rather her kids suffer than to have my uncle be mad at her, he controls her life completely and i feel sorry for the kids cus i love them, lucky im there to explain to them some things. im so scared my little boy and girls cusins will grow up to either hit women or grow up thinking its right to do absolutely everythign a man tells you too, i always tell the girls that they should love their mom no matter what, but that its not normal to have to ask your husband for permission to do things, and they all understand whats going on, theres nothing i can do to help if she says shes happy with my uncle she thinks he's the best thing in the world and in loooove with him, it just sucks to see it. =[

its stuff like that that worries me cus i wonder how all this is affecting them so bad, and i feel like im glad i grew up without a dad cus right now they are better off like that ,u know like even the kids wish the mom got a divorce, shes dumb though, and i think its better to grow up without a dad if growing up with one means watching and going through all that abuse and being affected psycologically and then becoming just what ur parents were, or who knows how it affects each one.

Edited May 16, 2011 by Aubrienne_Ellyrias

[d e v i c e]

I think, just so long as the child is receiving the right love and guidance, nurturing, role modelling and care, and isn't being exposed to abuses and inappropriate behavior, then that's the main thing. Life will always present it's challenges - both outside and inside ourselves - but again, if the child has been given the right care and love, then through the trust that love brings, I'm absolutely certain they will make it.

If you're a caring loving adult, then that's enough. It's okay to be who you are.

Love is the answer.

[Aubrienne_Ellyrias]

I think, just so long as the child is receiving the right love and guidance, nurturing, role modelling and care, and isn't being exposed to abuses and inappropriate behavior, then that's the main thing. Life will always present it's challenges - both outside and inside ourselves - but again, if the child has been given the right care and love, then through the trust that love brings, I'm absolutely certain they will make it.

If you're a caring loving adult, then that's enough. It's okay to be who you are.

Love is the answer.

yeh thats true, i like ur answer

[conspiracybeliever]

I don't think it's being raised by a single mother that has turned you against marriage but I guess it's possible. My parents have been married for over 60 years. I can't imagine being with one person your entire life. I was married for 7 years and it wasn't all horrible. We had good times and bad but I just don't think I ever want to do it again. Every man I've dated since after a couple of years things about them start to annoy me. I guess it's that this is it thing. It seems so final. I don't think it's normal. I think it's just something people do because our society tells them they should. Most married people I know aren't really happy I don't think.

[zenfahr]

I think the ablility to raised by one parent is definintly there. I dont think its any better or worse than having two parents. I knew many kids who had two parents, but mom or dad or both were always absent, or stoned or drunk. So I cant say having two would be better, Also know single parents who are just as bad, and use kids as a way to get more child support. So cant really say that is better either. But back on the subject... As a child of a single parent I would assume you would be just fine if that person was a willing participant. But now as a single parent myself, and speaking for single parents I know. Its hard, Damned hard. You do everything to see that your child is safe, happy, and confortable, and in the end of the day you are beat. So as a child I would say no you dont need two parents, as a single parent I would state.... life would be so much easier with a partner. But then thats the meat of it huh? who is that perfect partner? What kind of parent will they be? Hence I am still a single parent.

[The Skeptic Eric Raven]

I was raised by my grandmother. Mother was shcizophrenic. I for sure wish I had been rasied by 2 parents. I would have made much better decisions early on. My grandmother totally loved me but was very easy on me. My friends that had single parents were the same way. I think it gives you a better chance of making bad decisions early on. Just MO.

[zenfahr]

I don't think it's being raised by a single mother that has turned you against marriage but I guess it's possible. My parents have been married for over 60 years. I can't imagine being with one person your entire life. I was married for 7 years and it wasn't all horrible. We had good times and bad but I just don't think I ever want to do it again. Every man I've dated since after a couple of years things about them start to annoy me. I guess it's that this is it thing. It seems so final. I don't think it's normal. I think it's just something people do because our society tells them they should. Most married people I know aren't really happy I don't think.

I was married for 15 years. I dont think I'll ever do that again either. I really like to date women, sometimes romantically sometimes for fun. Now I have several ladies I date, I enjoy all of their company. Does that make me bad? Perhaps that perfect "one" has not presented herself yet, but I would really hate to close off all of these freindships due to a committed relationship with one person. Also let me state becasue I am dating several women, does not mean I am in a sexual realationship with each of them. Or in my case... any of them, tho it has happened. And I dont hide them from each other. I have dated some girls whom have stated that since I was with them then I did not need to talk to the others.... As a very social person I find this hard to swallow.

[Wookietim]

I don't think that the number of parents (Or their genders) really matter much... I think it's more a question of how good that parents are that matters.

A kid can have 1,2,3 or more parents and turn out great. A kid can have two mothers, two fathers, or two martians and turn out great. With one caveat : Those parents have to be good parents.

On the other hand, a kid can have the classic nuclear family and turn out bad if one or both parents are bad parents...

[Trog]

The big things that happen in our lifetime are never random , believe it or not , being brought up by a single parent was what you put your hand up for in this lifetime , that was an experience that you needed to have this time around .

We live many lifetimes , may be hundreds or even thousands .... Before we reincarnate we sit down with our Spirit Guides and go through all the experiences we've already had and those we're yet to have and we choose which experiences (lessons) we'll take on in this life .

Marriage isn't for every one , may be you didn't put your hand up for that lesson this time .... This all clearly shows up on a Numerological chart , there are web pages that show you how to work out your chart using numerology , you might be surprised what you find .

The number 6 is the romance marriage number , if this number doesn't show up in you birth date or your peak cycle numbers , then you didn't put your hand up for marriage this time around .

Pythagorus worked it all out two and a half thousand years ago , for our benefit , so that we could see what we needed to do in each life , what lessons we had to learn , what memories we brought with us form our past , what test we have to pass at the end of this life .

The formula that Pythagorus worked out , if used properly , will tell you who you are , the experiences that you go through in this life determines who you are , you are what you do , if you repair broken down motor cars for people , then you might think that you are a motor mechanic , that's partially true , but it's more than being a grease monkey , your lessons this time may have been to help those in need , to serve others , yes even in this day and age some have to be servants .

How do I know this , I hear you ask , I have spoken to my Spirit Guides , but please don't think for one minute that this is something unique , many people have spoken to their Spirit Guides , and I have studied and practiced numerology over many years .... Sorry my reply is so long , but I hope you take the time to read it .

[conspiracybeliever]

I was married for 15 years. I dont think I'll ever do that again either. I really like to date women, sometimes romantically sometimes for fun. Now I have several ladies I date, I enjoy all of their company. Does that make me bad? Perhaps that perfect "one" has not presented herself yet, but I would really hate to close off all of these freindships due to a committed relationship with one person. Also let me state becasue I am dating several women, does not mean I am in a sexual realationship with each of them. Or in my case... any of them, tho it has happened. And I dont hide them from each other. I have dated some girls whom have stated that since I was with them then I did not need to talk to the others.... As a very social person I find this hard to swallow.

Same here. I think the majority of people think this kind of thinking is more odd for a woman than a man though. Not sure why. Personally I think there are just as many men out there looking for a marriage partner as there are women. There are just as many men out there that want or need to be taken care of as women. I don't know if I just haven't met the right person, it's possible i guess. I don't understand people who fail at marriage and then run out and just accept the next person that comes along which it seems many people do. I think there are very few really happy marriages in this world. People just think that is the way it's supposed to be.

[conspiracybeliever]

The big things that happen in our lifetime are never random , believe it or not , being brought up by a single parent was what you put your hand up for in this lifetime , that was an experience that you needed to have this time around .

We live many lifetimes , may be hundreds or even thousands .... Before we reincarnate we sit down with our Spirit Guides and go through all the experiences we've already had and those we're yet to have and we choose which experiences (lessons) we'll take on in this life .

Marriage isn't for every one , may be you didn't put your hand up for that lesson this time .... This all clearly shows up on a Numerological chart , there are web pages that show you how to work out your chart using numerology , you might be surprised what you find .

The number 6 is the romance marriage number , if this number doesn't show up in you birth date or your peak cycle numbers , then you didn't put your hand up for marriage this time around .

Pythagorus worked it all out two and a half thousand years ago , for our benefit , so that we could see what we needed to do in each life , what lessons we had to learn , what memories we brought with us form our past , what test we have to pass at the end of this life .

The formula that Pythagorus worked out , if used properly , will tell you who you are , the experiences that you go through in this life determines who you are , you are what you do , if you repair broken down motor cars for people , then you might think that you are a motor mechanic , that's partially true , but it's more than being a grease monkey , your lessons this time may have been to help those in need , to serve others , yes even in this day and age some have to be servants .

How do I know this , I hear you ask , I have spoken to my Spirit Guides , but please don't think for one minute that this is something unique , many people have spoken to their Spirit Guides , and I have studied and practiced numerology over many years .... Sorry my reply is so long , but I hope you take the time to read it .

This is very interesting. I share your beliefs, most of what you wrote anyways. Some of it I hadn't heard before like the numerology part. Strange because my year of birth has a 6 in it so I guess I raised my hand for marriage this time. I'll know better the next. Thanks!

[Trog]

Each digit in our birth date has a meaning , if a 5 shows up in your Peak Cycles the basic meaning is Upheaval , and when that digit shows in a woman's chart it usually means divorce .

The basic meaning for 7 is sacrifice , when this digit shows in the birth date it usually means a debt (karma) brought through from a previous life that has to be discharged .

I put a short article up on 'Writers and Artist Hang Out' dealing with sacrifice and karma , if you're interested it's on the third page about half way down , dated 29-4-2011.