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Rough Draft 1

Posted by Xanthurion2 , 14 August 2012 · 712 views


It was just a normal day. The same kind of day I've had for the last six years. Get up, shower, brush teeth, all the other boring morning activities. Then sit in my favorite chair and watch the local news and weather before I have to get to work. Yep, just a normal guy. Maybe even a little

The little jingle just started playing on the TV and the announcer came on with his usual, "And now, your local news and weather on Channel 4, the state's leading news network." As if it's some kind of competition. I just want to see the damn weather. I don't care who's number one or number two. That's when my son, Jake strolled lazily into the living room, already dressed for school. He even remembered his backpack today.
"Dad, when are you going to get my frisbee off the roof?" Jake inquired.
"I'll do it later. I just want to see what the weather's like today."
"Oh come on, Lance, just get the frisbee. It'll take two seconds." My wife, Gwen chimed in.
"Okay, okay, I'll get my ladder."
"Good, I'm taking Jake to school. See ya when I get back."
We walked to the garage together because that's where the ladder and the car were. Big surprise.
"Don't fall and hurt yourself." Gwen warned as she stepped into the car.
"Don't worry, I'll be fine."
And with a final wave, they were gone. Time to start climbing. With my ladder in hand, I made my way out the garage door around to the side of the garage where I remembered the frisbee had landed. I looked up at the sky when the rain began to fall. Just perfect. The garage roof was lower than the rest of the house. Thank God. My ladder would not have been tall enough if the flying disc had landed on the roof of our white two story cape cod home. I set up the still new looking ladder I bought a year ago and began climbing. As I neared the top I noticed I had set the ladder a little too far to the right. I wasn't about to climb back down so I started stretching my arm as far as it could go but I still could not reach the frisbee. At that point, I attempted the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. Clutching the gutter, I began leaning the ladder to the left. My fingers were on the frisbee when my shoe slipped on the rain soaked rung of the ladder. I quickly grabbed the ladder (another stupid idea) and I knew it was going to hurt as I fell and the ladder landed on top of me and then fell to the side.
I didn't feel anything for about thiry seconds as I was staring at the warning label of the ladder. If I wasn't in shock I would have found the warnings hilariously stupid. I didn't want to move because I knew if I did, something was going to hurt. About thirty more seconds passed and I started to move my fingers and toes. Slowly at first, then faster. I felt a sharp pain dart through my left arm as I tried to move the fingers on that hand. I knew something was wrong but I didn't want to believe it. I slowly stood up and when I looked at my arm, I knew it was broken.

*It did have better paragraphs but, it didn't copy correctly and I didn't want to fix it...it's good enough, I think.

Aug 14 2012 03:48 PM
Yeah, for me, when I copy and past here, it never comes out the way I typed it.  Anyway, I like it, this reads a lot smoother than the clumsy way I write!  I think it's a good introduction to the story.

Maybe you could end this part with more of a connection to what comes next, so the reader would have a better idea of suspense and anticipation to what follows.

As far as style goes, I try to copy Kurt Vonnegut's and Douglas Adam's style or writing. Not very successfully, but it helps me  because I'm not smart enough to have a style of writing of my own.

I think writing style is important, though it's hard to define. A personal stile of writing transforms just a report of what happens into a story with something extra that intrigues the reader.

It's like you're adding your own personality or view of life to the story. My view of life is that it's absurd, and I include that wherever I can. Writing is a personal expression of your personality. If you don't include 'you' in the story, it's just a report.

Just my over-long thoughts from a nobody who's not a good writer. I think your plot is really interesting, and from reading this part I think you're doing really well. :)
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Aug 15 2012 05:50 AM
thanks for the feedback. there are one or two more scenes i am adding to the 1st chapter but I haven't gotten around to writing them. these scenes would do what you suggested.
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