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Funny Stories

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#16    Technocrat

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Posted 20 April 2013 - 08:41 AM

My wife went into the butcher's and said, "You've a sheep's head in the window." The butcher said, "That's a mirror!" :D

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.

#17    s33ker

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Posted 20 April 2013 - 10:18 AM

A man with a giant peach for a head is standing in the street when a  man walked up to him and asked "what's with the giant peach for a head?"
He replied "funny story that, I found a lamp with a genie in it and got 3 wishes. The 1st wish I made was to be the richest man in the world. My 2nd wish was to be irresistible to only the most beautiful women of the world , and my 3rd wish was to have a giant peach head.


#18    CatFromHell

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Posted 21 April 2013 - 08:57 PM

A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water. It's disgusting!]

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink. Water's disgusting. Sheep poo in the water.]

Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting. Don't drink it!]

'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy! Can't you speak English?' Said the man at the stream, in a splendid English accent.

'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !


#19    Technocrat

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  • "In a perfect world, every dog would have a home and every home would have a dog." Anon.

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 12:02 AM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" He says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"


Edited by MrSerendipity, 24 April 2013 - 12:03 AM.

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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.

#20    Technocrat

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Posted 26 April 2013 - 01:09 PM

Political "Spin."

(True or False?)
Judy Harper an amateur genealogy researcher in Northern Ontario, Canada, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Prime Minister Stephen Harper's great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Winnipeg in 1889. Both Judy and Stephen Harper share this common ancestor. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Manitoba Provincial Jail. On the back of the picture, that Judy obtained during her research, is this inscription: 'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Stoney Mountain Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the CP AND CN trains six times. Caught by Mounted Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'

So Judy recently e-mailed Prime Minister Harper for information about their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.

Believe it or not, Harper's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Rudd was famous in Ontario during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the CP and CN Railways. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroads. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Mounted Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed!"


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​"​A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.





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