Galactic Goatman Posted November 26, 2015 #1 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) Prologue It was an ancient ship, vaguely oblong in shape, it's surface pitted and plastered with the scars of war, long abandoned by its builders. Twin engines at the rear of the ship powered it along a predetermined course through what amounted to an absolute hell-hole of a system, nothing but acid moons and dead worlds. That is, until the ship's long range sensors picked up a faint signal from one of the smaller planets. The ship's Assisting Intelligence, near-senile from years of neglect, willed the few remaining systems onboard the ship to plot a course towards its source. Micro-thrusters slowly turned the ship off its original course, while long dormant Automated Defense Drones awoke and prepared for battle. For this was standard procedure. And soon the corridors of the ship became filled with the creaking of old joints and the whirl of internal machinery. Within hours the ship had arrived at the source of the signal, a small, blue planet. To the unknowing, it seemed like a harmless little world, but to the AI, the images streaming through its visual sensors had awoken deep memories. Memories its builders had hoped to forget, for this world was the birthplace of the greatest horror ever to be unleashed onto the Galaxy, a horror so great that the mere utterance of its name could strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest warrior. That name was Human. Edited November 26, 2015 by AustinHinton 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted November 26, 2015 #2 Share Posted November 26, 2015 keep going! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcana Posted November 26, 2015 #3 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I'm with ouija ouija, please continue Austin, the premise is intriguing. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted November 26, 2015 #4 Share Posted November 26, 2015 So true, so true. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVG Posted November 26, 2015 #5 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You have definitely captured my interest. Please continue... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted November 26, 2015 Author #6 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Chapter 1 will be posted tonight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted November 27, 2015 Author #7 Share Posted November 27, 2015 "What is the greater sin, to take the life of an innocent to protect your kin, or to kill your kin to protect an innocent?" - Navro lee Harka, On the Verge of Extinction. No, this is a mistake, it just had to be. There can't be Humans out there! Kalla stared at the monitor with disbelief, the data streaming in from a ship in the distant Edom system indicated a sizable Human presence on what scientists believe was their homeworld. Kalla had never seen a live Human, for that blight on the galaxy was wiped out long before his time. Or so he was told. But the data from this (laughably ancient) ship said otherwise. It must be a mistake, he told himself, that damned AI screwed up. But even as he thought this, he found himself grooming the silky hairs that flowed down his neck, like he always did when he was nervous. But what I'm I to be nervous about? He thought, a bunch of code? Onboard the orbital station, Tylaka, it was Kalla's job to monitor all galactic communications, from audio recordings, to visual entertainment, to some less than tasteful fair. And during all his years of work, he had heard some pretty absurd things. But this took the proverbial cake, there were no Humans on that world, there just couldn't be. Once, out of morbid curiosity, Kalla looked up archive images of Humans, never before had a species filled him with such revulsion. Those round, flat faces, scrawny, hairless bodies, and those eyes. Those were the eyes of a monster. Just then an alarm went off, bringing Kalla back to reality. The resupply ship was due to dock soon, and Kalla smiled (or what passed for a smile among his species), there would be meat on that ship, and he was determined to get his share. Leaving his station, along with thoughts of blights and bogeymen, Kalla made his way to the dining hall. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 3, 2015 Author #8 Share Posted December 3, 2015 "It is ironic, is it not? That for all the wonders I have brought to our species, it is only my greatest failure that I will be remembered for." -Valerus Nak Cagos, founder of Fleetworks engineering Tylaka was not a large station, by any stretch of the imagination, but it still took Kalla quite a while to reach his destination, the station hallways were lined with the gleaming white metal common to Fleetworks tech, recessed lights provided an eerie blue glow. Kalla never noticed it before, but walking these halls alone, with only the faint hum of the stations reactors, this place was kinda creepy. But before long he heard someone's voice, a rather irritated voice at that. "Watch where your going fuzzball!" Kalla knew exactly what was going on, and he did not like it. He quickly ran down to the source of the noise, which as it turned out was the dining hall. Pushing open the heavy steel door, Kalla saw that everyone's attention was turned to the far corner of the hall, where the food was served, and where it was now all over the floor. And in the middle of it, sprawled out on the floor, was Tal. Kalla went over to help him up, weathering the usual storm of insults that came his way from Tal's accidents. After Tal had gotten to his feet, Kalla guided him to the restroom to help him clean off, although Kalla could still feel the hateful glares of everyone else. "Tal, how do you slip on a corrugated floor?" Kalla asked, as he wiped the sauce off of Tal's head. "I dunno." Tal replied. Tal was the youngest, and smallest, member of the stations crew, he barely stood up to Kalla's waist. He even still had the soft, brownish-blonde hair of a child, which had earned him the unflattering nickname of "fuzzball". "I was just trying to get food". Tal said, trying to look as innocent as possible with his green eyes. "Tal, listen, next time you want food, just tell me, and I will get you some, ok?" Kalla said, helping Tal to get his uniform back on. "There you go, all cleaned up." Kalla said. Standing on his knees, Kalla was at eye level with Tal, "Kalla?" Tal asked, "Is it ok if I stay with you the rest of the day?" Kalla thought about it for a second, "Ok, I don't see why not." Kalla then lead Tal back out to the dining hall, got some food, and then they both headed back to Kalla's station. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted December 3, 2015 #9 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I like it so far. Even without much description, a vision is forming in my imagination. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 3, 2015 Author #10 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) Thanks. I suppose I should have posted this earlier, here is a brief description of the Zylottan species: Zylottans a reptomammalian species, roughly 5-9 feet tall at the shoulder, with their necks adding another two, they have a snakelike head (lacking external ears and with only vestigial nostrils), thick muscular tails and barrel-shaped bodies. While they are bipedal by choice, standing on their collumn-like legs, they can "revert" to a quadrupedal stance when running. As they are not as "leggy" as humans, with arms and legs being of about equal length. Due to their evolutionary nature of being amphibious, they have webbed hands with each finger (a thumb and three fingers) encased in a claw up the the second joint. Their feet are vaguely circular, with only three claws, the fourth being vestigial. The end of the tail is flexible enough to rap around objects. They are covered head to toe in "hair" (actually modified scales) that can range in color from brown, to blonde, to red, to black. Eye color is typically brown or blue, with green appearing in 1/1000 births. Zylottans are a long lived and slow growing species. They are primarily carnivorous, but can and do eat fruits from time to time. The dental forumula per jaw is 4 pointed incisors, 1 canine, 3 premolars and 4 molars. No teeth are visible when the mouth is closed, although the canines may be large enough in some individuals to poke out between the lips. Sexual dimorphism is minimal, females are only slightly smaller and slimmer than the males. Edited December 3, 2015 by AustinHinton 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 7, 2015 Author #11 Share Posted December 7, 2015 You guys know you can comment on this if you want, right? It will help me imporve myself as a writer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted December 7, 2015 #12 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hi Austin. I don't know how old you are, but your writing seems quite mature. I haven't felt moved to comment on the writing itself, I've just been enjoying the story ..... which says it all really! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 7, 2015 Author #13 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hello, I am 20, btw. And thank you for the comment about my writing being mature, I try not to talk down to my audience, and I don't shy away from handling more mature themes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted December 8, 2015 #14 Share Posted December 8, 2015 You guys know you can comment on this if you want, right? It will help me imporve myself as a writer. Why does Kalla use human colloquialisms? "But this took the proverbial cake", and maybe even "bogeymen", and "This place was kinda creepy". Of course, you're writing the story the way you want to. I'm just thinking Kalla perhaps would have his own Alien phrases we still could understand. This is the only criticism I have. Your story is easy to read and moves on quickly and logically, and leaves us wanting more! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 8, 2015 Author #15 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Why does Kalla use human colloquialisms? "But this took the proverbial cake", and maybe even "bogeymen", and "This place was kinda creepy". Of course, you're writing the story the way you want to. I'm just thinking Kalla perhaps would have his own Alien phrases we still could understand. This is the only criticism I have. Your story is easy to read and moves on quickly and logically, and leaves us wanting more! Think of it as translation conveniences. All dialog is actually spoken in Alavok (the current Zylottan language). I simply did not want to alienate readers, using terms that have no human equivalent. For example, Zylottans can see, to a limited extent, into the UV spectrum. And thus have words for colors that Humans cannot see. But I will try and avoid human terms for now on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted December 8, 2015 #16 Share Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) Another think that's interesting about your story is that, in this kind of story, the author is able to create a complete world of your own imagination. This is a fun part of writing and reading this kind of fiction, for me anyway. I like to envision characters, societies, landscapes and environments different from human ones. All this doesn't have to be described so much specifically (although it of course can be), the Alien world comes to life by itself, so to say, by the development of the plot and by how the characters relate to each other and how they relate to their own Alien environments. Another thing is, I already like your two characters. What I mean is, I can relate to their "human-ness", even though they aren't human. They seem to be creatures the reader can root for, whatever the circumstances they may find themselves in in future chapters. I could be wrong, but even if they wish to destroy all humans, they seem sympathetic so far. Maybe they'll turn out to be evil b*******, I don't know, but having likeable characters, or even just characters who follow the plot in a logical manner, being true to themselves, creates interest in the story for the reader. The author must submit something for the reader to grab a-hold of, something to relate to. I think you've already accomplished this for us so far. Edited December 8, 2015 by StarMountainKid 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 8, 2015 Author #17 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 13, 2015 Author #18 Share Posted December 13, 2015 Hey guys, weird question, i know, but what sounds better for a ship name? One Winged Angel Purity of Faith Retribution's Thunder Clairvoyant Eternal Bliss Forgone Sorrows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted December 13, 2015 #19 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I think it would depend on the attitude of the captain and the kind of society the ship is from. If it's a peaceful ship or a warship or an exploration ship or a commercial ship, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 13, 2015 Author #20 Share Posted December 13, 2015 ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted December 19, 2015 Author #21 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Hey guys sorry for the long delay, the nes THREE chapters will be up tomarrow, but i found this line kinda funny and i wanted to share it: Tal: Are you sure this place dosnt have ghosts, i heard lots of moans last night. Kalla: Tal, i dont think those we're ghosts... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted January 2, 2016 Author #22 Share Posted January 2, 2016 "Your certain of this?" Commander Nevira looked at the graphs that scrolling their way across his datapad. He had been rather rudely interrupted from his studies by a young lieutenant, she had been so eager to inform him that she nearly ran into his office door. "Y-yes, sir. The information arrived this morning. S-straight from the Tylaka." The lieutenant told him, still trying to catch her breath. Nevira looked the young Zylottan over, her hair was very pale, with a faint striped pattern. She wore the standard issue white-and-blue armor, although he noticed some personal touches, such as scalloped edges on the neck plates, and a "K" letter on her helmet. "What is your name?" Nevira asked her. She hesitated for a second, swaying gently from side to side, a sigh of stress. Finally she worked up the courage to respond. "Kinika Valok, sir, but you can call me Kini." She seemed to have taken some comfort it identifying herself, as Nevira could sense that she wasn't as stressed. "Ok, Kini, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Now if you don't mind, I need some time to think this over." Nevira told her, as gently as he could. Kini gave a quick bow and left, but not before nearly knocking over an urn near the door. Enthusiastic little thing, Nevira though to himself, and sort of attractive, in an odd sort of way. Nevira brushed that thought out of his head and sat back at his desk. If the data Kini had delivered is any indication, the new few cycles were going to be long ones... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted January 2, 2016 Author #23 Share Posted January 2, 2016 It did not take long for the Authority to approve of Nevira's request, the data that he had acquired told him that the Nek-Vee had gained access to several space capable nuclear missiles. Nevria knew damned well what they intended to do, and apparently so did the Authority. Why else the Authority have put him in command of the largest warship in the system? Nevira stood at the command helm of the Clairvoyant and looked out across the stars. Even at full power it had taken the Clairvoyant three cycles to reach its destination. And most of its crew was doing their own things. But the time of leisure and fun was over, they had a battle to win. Nevira toggled the inner-ship comms and issued orders for all combat personnel to gear up. The ships control crew was mostly those who had served on it before, with some newcomers. Nevira had made sure that lieutenant Kini had been reassigned before they left. He would need her enthusiasm with him, no, he thought to himself. He didn't need anything from her, he just wanted her with him. He squeezed his arm, and relaxed, he was in command of a mission now, there was no time to think of the feelings he has for the lieutenant, the lisp she has when she talks, or the flight suit she had on, which showed off her natural beauty in a way no armor could. Nevira's snapped out of his fantasy and quickly glanced around, good, no one seemed to notice that he had been out of it. He regained his composure and activated the ships manual drives, as good as Assisting Intelligences were, they couldn't pilot a ship to save their lives. He would bring the ship into a geo-synchronous orbit with the structure the nukes are believed to be in, before deploying ground troops to capture them. Supreme Commander Ganlia and his company were the best there was, they never failed, and Nevira almost felt sorry for the Nek-Vee who would be unlucky enough to face them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarMountainKid Posted January 2, 2016 #24 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Very interesting, looking forward to the next chapters. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactic Goatman Posted January 2, 2016 Author #25 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Thank you. I will be posting a lot more regularly for now on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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