59 replies to this topic

[Lilly]

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

[joc]

Lilly, on 14 October 2012 - 05:24 PM, said:

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

Hook, line and...sink her!

[Hilander]

Dr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 08:40 PM, said:

Don't people do the same thing when dating?  Best foot forward, best possible image, etc.?

Yes they do but they can't send you a picture of someone else saying its them or lie about weight etc.  Plus when you are face to face with someone its easier to read them.

[Hilander]

joc, on 13 October 2012 - 09:47 PM, said:

Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity.  Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity.  So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity.  Just keeping it real......

If there has been infidelity before flirting can be considered cheating.  It can also be considered emotional cheating.

[Dr. D]

Lilly, on 14 October 2012 - 05:24 PM, said:

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?

[Lilly]

Dr. D, on 14 October 2012 - 11:27 PM, said:

So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?

No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

[Dr. D]

Lilly, on 14 October 2012 - 11:59 PM, said:

No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet.  If they have lied, it will be known.  Simple.  If they have not, the relationship can continue.  If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.

[orangepeaceful79]

Dr. D, on 15 October 2012 - 12:21 AM, said:

Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet.  If they have lied, it will be known.  Simple.  If they have not, the relationship can continue.  If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.

I don't agree.  To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing.  When people lie, other people get hurt.  We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair.  That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety.  What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are?  Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all.  It happens and it hurts like hell.  The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust.  I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime.  I have many, many regrets because of it too.  I lost my marriage to this kind of thing.  I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people.   I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful.  Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear.  If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is.   Thanks for reading.

[Dr. D]

orangepeaceful79, on 15 October 2012 - 12:36 AM, said:

I don't agree.  To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing.  When people lie, other people get hurt.  We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair.  That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety.  What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are?  Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all.  It happens and it hurts like hell.  The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust.  I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime.  I have many, many regrets because of it too.  I lost my marriage to this kind of thing.  I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people.   I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful.  Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear.  If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is.   Thanks for reading.

I appreciate your comments and in essence you answered the question if cyber love is possible.

[orangepeaceful79]

I was just hoping that my story could help people to protect themselves in their futures.  I tend to feel that the only good that can come out of my actions now is to tell my truths and hope that my story can help other people to make good decisions regarding their online romances.

[Amy the Mighty]

I think sparking that initial interest in somebody is possible online, but personally, I would suggest backing up that initial impression with some face-to-face contact. And, ever the Luddite, I don't think that Skype cuts the mustard. Whether you are a person with full vision, or you're vision impaired, there is so much information conveyed between people when they are in the same space, like tone and pitch of voice, smell, the person's physical presence (whether they are a big person, or a smaller person). Vision-impaired people pick up on plenty of data to ascertain whether someone is hot or not.

[Lilly]

I counseled my friend to insist upon meeting (in a very public place) the men she's corresponding with on a dating site. If they refuse to meet in person then she should refuse any further discussion with them. Wasting time with someone who isn't 'real' is just a fools errand.

[Mike D boy]

To set up a rendez-vous for a cyber romances: Not the worth the time and cost of a plane or bus ticket to meet someone it turns not to be who they are. The cyber romance could be a trick to hoax you, he/she could be married setting up some trouble or wanting affairs, a dangerous sign of ligitation around the corner. Important for all of us to watch out for traps when it comes to cyber romantic relationships.

[Bling]

There are many different kinds of love, so I guess you can love online to some level. I've certainly been there....

[Lilly]

I don't think it's possible to have real love if it remains only online. Sure, people have initially met online, but any real relationship has to meet in person eventually. IMO, the people that are lying about themselves are the ones who only want their *love* to remain online. These people are the ones who've lied about their marital status, age, appearance, life circumstances etc. Such people will put off any real life meeting that would serve to out their deception. There are also those that will meet only for quick affairs, a big clue that they are married or just players.

All in all, cyber-space isn't all that safe a place to wear ones heart on ones sleeve.