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Sometimes They Just Won't Die


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#1    Naveed

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Posted 26 January 2004 - 07:32 AM

"Sometimes they just won't die." James thought to himself. A piercing gun shot penetrated the air. That was the fifth shot he had wasted on the damned abomination that lay at his feet. Green black goo leaked from the shredded stump of the decaying human. A small patch of the fungus could be seen growing within the woman's hair.

"Hey baby." Two gorgeos blue eyes enveloped James as he walked in the door. A thin black transparent teddy was all that covered the glistening form in front of him. "I have surprise for you." Claudia said as she beckoned him to come forward.
"Hmmm...I love surprises." he said in a tone of interest.
"Then you'll really love this one." she replied as she winked.
A smile cracked across his face. "Really now?"
"I'm pregnant." Their arms tensed around eachother.

Memory turned to reality and he entered the dispatch office. Somewhere amongst the mess of papers, notebooks and computers, were the keys. Whether or not he could find them amongst the taters of omce organized desk was a different thing all together. Placing his left hand on the desk, he flung himself over.
"f***!" he thought as he came over to the otherside. The red mess was slick, gooey, and lumpy. Something that vaguely resembled a kidney lay in it. His black work boots slid in the muck. He landed with a loud wet thud, that reverberated through the hanger next door. White turned to red as his sleeve absorbed the blood. Looking over he saw the rest of the person that had once owned the remains James was laying in.

He awoke the next morning, lost in the feelings of the night before. Everything from the night before was a blur, due to the joy of the surprise. He heard Claudia in the shower, getting ready to go to her job interview at the school district. If all worked out she would be a kindergarden teacher by the end of the week.
Picking up his RCA remote, he pressed the red button. Flickering to life, the screen in front of him brought up the face of a news reporter.
"Scientists and poison control experts are urging the people to beware of the strange new fungus that is appearing around town. A scientist studying the fungus has been poisoned by it and doctors have not been able to come up with a cure for the toxin. Now lets go to Barbera with the sports."
She started on some boring thing about the Chicago Bulls when the original reporter interupted.
"This just in."  he paused looking at the prompts in front of him, "It appears that Dr. Evans, the infected scientist has died. Wait a second...no it appears he is alive, but oh my God, has attacked the doctors and nurses. Several have been killed, but reports are coming in that they are coming back to life. Reanimating somehow." Thats when it all started.

"You're gonna have to stop day dreaming." James spoke to himself outloud. "It's not going to help you survive at all."
Something caught his eye. Rows of numbers lined the back board of the desk. Dangling right below them was his hope for salvation. Quickly he stood up and grabbed a key ring of one of the numbered hooks. N555RT was his plane, at least the one he would make his escape on.
Sunken eyes stared at him from within the hanger. A white mushroom fell from it's bloodied face as it brushed at it. It lumbered forward.

Bright blue waves flashed along it's white body, their color matching the sky's. James checked all the flaps, unhooked the ground ties, and went through all the pre-flight steps.
Looking over, he could see the grey Rubbermaid boxes. They loomed in the distance, seeming to get farther away as he walked towards them. He had no choice though. The plane needed gas, the gas that were in the little red containers, in the big grey boxes. Thankfully the pre-flight didn't show that he need to fill the entire plane.

Claudia stood there in their kitchen, her face covered in the fungus. Her eyes appeared an unearthly red, as she walked towards him. A waterfall was going down his face as he dispatched the first burst into her head. He fired another shot into her belly, knowing very well their unborn child was infected with it to. He dropped his shotgun and fell to his knees and blacked out.

It hit him like and rampaging elephant from behind as his final memories of Claudia cleared from his mind. He dropped to the ground unconcious and the infested vermin that stood above him feed.

Waking up, James hungered, despite his missing stomach. He was one of them now, a zombie. One of the mindless fungus spreading machines that his wife had been in her final moments.



What do you guys think? Thats the rough draft version and I'd really like some feedback.  devil.gif  


#2    Naveed

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Posted 28 January 2004 - 08:15 AM

Hmmm...going by the lack of replies, my story needs work. Or no one here is a zombie fan.  rolleyes.gif  


#3    secondhand

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Posted 28 January 2004 - 02:20 PM

I love zombies. I liked your story as well man, it was cool. It would be interesting to know what you're going to do with it? The idea of a zombie story from a zombie's point of view would be ace!

The idea that a fungus caused people to become zombified is a liitle bit clichéd though IMHO. It works well enough, but it's been done many times [admittedly not a fungus though]-for example the novel "The Fog", by James Herbert or the British film "28 Days Later", directed by Danny Boyle [which was superb]. A small criticism though.

I like your style as well, it reminded me of a book I read, it was called Blood Crazy-I forgot the author. If you like zombies you'll love it. It's never going to win the Booker Prize but it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Keep it up mate! And if you have any other stuff I would love to read it! Hope my humble opinions are of some use.

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#4    Naveed

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Posted 28 January 2004 - 03:58 PM

Yeah they are thanks! The reason I used a fungus was because the normal reasons for zombies are disease, radiation, or some evil spell or something. I was aiming to make it a little bit different from the norm of those. I'm going to be starting work on a series of short stories dealing with the same zombie universe as the one posted, each involving different characters, and sometimes the interactions between them and the old ones. I think I might go to this characters point of view again in zombie form to lead up to another story. I also intend on explaining more of the fungus so it doesn't seem as cliche.  


#5    sabretooth

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Posted 28 January 2004 - 04:14 PM

would make a good short movie



#6    secondhand

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Posted 28 January 2004 - 04:27 PM

Naveed, that's gonna be cool. Make sure you post some more stuff, it'll be cool to read. I suppose the fungus thing's irrelevant, the character's the most important part. Good luck with it.


#7    Naveed

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Posted 30 January 2004 - 10:04 AM

anyone else read it? I need some ideas on what I can do better for the story, and what it may be lacking.  


#8    *MoG*

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Posted 30 January 2004 - 10:34 AM

QUOTE (Naveed @ Jan 30 2004, 09:04 AM)
anyone else read it? I need some ideas on what I can do better for the story, and what it may be lacking.

I think it is grafically gruesome.

Just the right amount of detail to make it relevant to the story without making it a gore fest.

I personally don't gell well with 'flash back' stories, probably because I am a bit of a simpleton and get very easily confuesed.  I'm a bit lost as to the plane bit, was he infected then? or was he trying to escape? and if he did escape, how come he got infected by his wife? Did she follow him?

Sorry, but like I said, I am a bit simple and I tend to need things explaining to me.  

But all that aside, I think it is a great story, I like zombies.

Perhaps the next book could be about how the fungus came about, a Government experiment gone wrong? and how it escaped into the cities and infected Claudia.

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#9    The Krow

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Posted 31 January 2004 - 07:30 PM

Right up my Alley... Great story man

I have morals, they're just subject to revision as the situation dictates.

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This Is The Cancer From My Cellular Phone
That Emits Radiation Which Destroys My Brain
This Is The Cancer From My Television Screen
Which Reports The Danger While It Does The Same
So Can We Free Ourselves, From The Threat Of Death

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