Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


- - - - -

**shrugs**


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1    Angelfish

Angelfish

    Remote Viewer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 569 posts
  • Joined:24 Feb 2004
  • Location:other

  • If you could see it, then you'd understand.

Posted 22 April 2004 - 11:35 PM

Me wants feedback!

Her legs were stiff, her eyes hurt under the intense sunlight. She sat in what little shade a rather large boulder offered, sweating like a pig and contemplating taking off the very little clothing she now wore, as if that could possibly make the heat go away. Her right arm hurt like hell because of a wound she could not remember getting. But she currently couldn't even remember her own name so she didn't think much of that. The wind was nonexistent here. It was so dry the ground looked almost like cobblestones. And to top it off, there was nothing but the boulder as far as she could see. The much-shredded excuse for a tunic she wore was covered in blood, though she hadn't the slightest idea as to whose blood it was. She pushed herself to her feet unsteadily and started off. Walking a staggered line for hours before the heat took over and she gave in to dehydration. She stumbled, fell to her knees and tipped over sideways. She was in the sweet embrace of unconsciousness before her head hit the dusty earth.
It could have been that she lay there and never ever got up, never even opened her eyes. But this girl, a young thing, barely fifteen, had a great destiny. The gods could not simply allow her to die.
And so it happened that a young shepherd, weary from chasing a lost lamb for days, came upon the girl's prone figure and brought her back to his village. There she lived out the next year or so as if it had always been so. As if the prior fourteen years had never happened. To her they hadn't. The villagers accepted her as one of their own and dubbed her Ryna, an Old-tongue word for beauty. In time they grew accustom to the mark on her forehead that made her look as though she'd been branded years ago, the brilliant green eyes and the obsidian black hair that were a true rarity in The Overlands.

if you click this, the world will blow up
Posted Image
Ya know, a few days ago I found a better explaination(sp?) for Angelfish than "Cus it sounds cool".
But than I realized there was no one around to hear it, and I got really depressed.
I hope you all intend to make me feel better.

#2    Angelfish

Angelfish

    Remote Viewer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 569 posts
  • Joined:24 Feb 2004
  • Location:other

  • If you could see it, then you'd understand.

Posted 24 April 2004 - 05:37 AM

............so it's really that bad huh?
Oh well
New storyness now
TO MICROSOFT WORD!!!!!!!!!!


if you click this, the world will blow up
Posted Image
Ya know, a few days ago I found a better explaination(sp?) for Angelfish than "Cus it sounds cool".
But than I realized there was no one around to hear it, and I got really depressed.
I hope you all intend to make me feel better.

#3    ForeverFalling

ForeverFalling

    Alien Embryo

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 45 posts
  • Joined:26 Dec 2003

Posted 27 April 2004 - 02:05 PM

I think is sounds great so far! Good job.  grin2.gif I cant wait to see how it turns out.


#4    Snowbaby

Snowbaby

    SaRuMaN's Slave

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,169 posts
  • Joined:11 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Stirling, Scotland

  • Subby's twin sister (only thing is... he was 19 days overcooked)

Posted 28 April 2004 - 11:44 AM

oooooooooooooo tell me more! this is great!!   thumbup.gif  


#5    *MoG*

*MoG*

    Conspiracy Theorist

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 981 posts
  • Joined:09 Sep 2003
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Saaaaf East London

  • 2008 - Year of the MoG

Posted 28 April 2004 - 11:56 AM

Brilliant story..............but the mark on the forehead and black hair ........... is she Harry Potters' sister???

only kidding  wink2.gif


very catchy opener.

thumbsup.gif  


#6    Angelfish

Angelfish

    Remote Viewer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 569 posts
  • Joined:24 Feb 2004
  • Location:other

  • If you could see it, then you'd understand.

Posted 28 April 2004 - 12:08 PM

QUOTE (Mystic Mog @ Apr 28 2004, 07:56 AM)
but the mark on the forehead and black hair ........... is she Harry Potters' sister???


Why did I not see that coming? lol

Me post more later.
Must now go type........




if you click this, the world will blow up
Posted Image
Ya know, a few days ago I found a better explaination(sp?) for Angelfish than "Cus it sounds cool".
But than I realized there was no one around to hear it, and I got really depressed.
I hope you all intend to make me feel better.

#7    mickyboy

mickyboy

    Ectoplasmic Residue

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 125 posts
  • Joined:03 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:liverpool

  • get away frorm me son ya bother me

Posted 04 May 2004 - 07:12 PM

I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity...........Edgar Allen Poe


Im impressed  wink2.gif  

Then let us again examine whether that is a sound statement, or do we let it pass, and if one of us, or someone else, merely says that something is so, do we accept that it is so? Or should we examine what the speaker means?

Socrates

#8    GunnerCDM

GunnerCDM

    Alien Embryo

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 107 posts
  • Joined:18 Oct 2003
  • Location:Houston,tx

  • LIfes a mystery, the only question is how many mysteries are there in life?

Posted 04 May 2004 - 09:46 PM

very nice i would like to hear more


#9    The Raven

The Raven

    Wanderer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,684 posts
  • Joined:24 Mar 2004
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Maine, United States

Posted 04 May 2004 - 09:51 PM

Not bad at all! I like the creativity .and how you used your words..As a fellow writer myself, I will gladly help you with any of your writing needs.

Baron Wormser said:

What brought me to the woods was the longing to be with words in an undistracted place. 'Woods' and 'words' were almost identical.

Wayfarer - A Journey in Thought and Creation

#10    man_in_mudboots

man_in_mudboots

    title?

  • Member
  • 2,425 posts
  • Joined:17 Nov 2003
  • Location:swamps of south central Louisiana

  • whither goest thou, young rogue?

Posted 06 May 2004 - 12:03 AM

QUOTE
Me wants feedback!

and feed back you shall get, but dont get P-Oed at me if im a little too critical, i have that habit. wink2.gif

QUOTE
And so it happened that a young shepherd, weary from chasing a lost lamb for days, came upon the girl's prone figure and brought her back to his village.
QUOTE
and contemplating taking off the very little clothing she now wore, as if that could possibly make the heat go away. The villagers accepted her as one of their own and dubbed her Ryna, an Old-tongue word for beauty.  the brilliant green eyes and the obsidian black hair that were a true rarity in The Overlands.

i would like to hear a little about the shepard boy. maybe you should have her living at his house, if he is to be a long-lasting character. i always wonder why fantasy authors spend so much time on the beauty, personality, and actions of the female charaters, but little on the males.
QUOTE
The wind was nonexistent here.

this part sounds just like louisiana. the rest is the complete opposite, though. guess you could say its a *sopping, drenching, soaking, wet heat* wink2.gif

Edited by man_in_mudboots, 06 May 2004 - 12:12 AM.


#11    chico del nacho

chico del nacho

    Psychic Spy

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,370 posts
  • Joined:18 Apr 2004
  • Location:Cranbrook, BC, Canada

  • First and Foremost Member of The Doomsday Bananas

Posted 06 May 2004 - 12:10 AM

it reminds me of stephen king's "the talisman," albeit in a different sort of style. i'd be interested to hear more, but i'm kind of sitting on the fencepost of whether i like it or not. i'd need to read more.

i still vote for social democracy. it's like communism lite! only 1/3 the calories of normal communism!
whoever said "money can't buy happiness" was never poor.
I think there's something innately wrong about most people to inspire alien curiousity.
i'm so proud of this post...
Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. -P. J. O'Rourke
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. -Oscar Wilde

#12    man_in_mudboots

man_in_mudboots

    title?

  • Member
  • 2,425 posts
  • Joined:17 Nov 2003
  • Location:swamps of south central Louisiana

  • whither goest thou, young rogue?

Posted 06 May 2004 - 12:13 AM

QUOTE (chico del nacho @ May 6 2004, 01:10 AM)
i'm kind of sitting on the fencepost of whether i like it or not.

uh......your not supposed to say that......


#13    chico del nacho

chico del nacho

    Psychic Spy

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,370 posts
  • Joined:18 Apr 2004
  • Location:Cranbrook, BC, Canada

  • First and Foremost Member of The Doomsday Bananas

Posted 06 May 2004 - 12:17 AM

QUOTE (man_in_mudboots @ May 6 2004, 01:13 AM)
QUOTE (chico del nacho @ May 6 2004, 01:10 AM)
i'm kind of sitting on the fencepost of whether i like it or not.

uh......your not supposed to say that......

what? why not? i'm being honest. it seems quite promising.

i still vote for social democracy. it's like communism lite! only 1/3 the calories of normal communism!
whoever said "money can't buy happiness" was never poor.
I think there's something innately wrong about most people to inspire alien curiousity.
i'm so proud of this post...
Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. -P. J. O'Rourke
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. -Oscar Wilde

#14    man_in_mudboots

man_in_mudboots

    title?

  • Member
  • 2,425 posts
  • Joined:17 Nov 2003
  • Location:swamps of south central Louisiana

  • whither goest thou, young rogue?

Posted 06 May 2004 - 12:38 AM

QUOTE (chico del nacho @ May 6 2004, 01:17 AM)
QUOTE (man_in_mudboots @ May 6 2004, 01:13 AM)

uh......your not supposed to say that......

what? why not? i'm being honest. .

i know your being honest, but i learned (rather obstinantly and a bit too late) that its better to be a little discreet than a lot honest. what a good thing to say would be "it seems quite promising", like you said, but be subtle (yes, im lecturing you on being subtle blink.gif )and leave out the last part. thumbsup.gif  happy.gif

Edited by man_in_mudboots, 06 May 2004 - 12:39 AM.


#15    Angelfish

Angelfish

    Remote Viewer

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 569 posts
  • Joined:24 Feb 2004
  • Location:other

  • If you could see it, then you'd understand.

Posted 06 May 2004 - 06:50 AM

Actually mr. MIMB, the sheperd boy isn't a lasting character.

if you click this, the world will blow up
Posted Image
Ya know, a few days ago I found a better explaination(sp?) for Angelfish than "Cus it sounds cool".
But than I realized there was no one around to hear it, and I got really depressed.
I hope you all intend to make me feel better.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users