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Girls You Marry, Date, or Sleep With.


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#1    WoIverine

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:22 PM

I've heard a lot of guys refer to girls in these three categories. Supposedly there's girls you marry, girls you date, and girls you sleep with. A friend and I just had a huge discussion on this.

Girls you date: They're the partying type, they like to go out, have fun, they tease, they're not looking for a "relationship", but they're also not looking for a "hook up" or whatever.

Girls you sleep with: That pretty much says it all. These types are interested in predominantly no commitment, no real attachment, just casual sex, temporary companionship and a one night stand. They don't want to deal with you, other than for a couple of hours...if you get my drift.

Girls you marry: These are the best type. They are fun, spontaneous, faithful, honest, non partying, non club going, non bar going, good girls, responsible, hard working, beautiful, independent, looking to be in love and to be loved. They're also compatible with your sex drive and love making love to you, just as much as you do to them. They make you the most important thing in their lives, while you do the same for them.

Ok, so...I'm not sure if these things are even relevant, I'd love to have some guy's opinions on them, as well as some ladies' to see what people think.  :tu:

Edited by SpiderCyde, 08 February 2010 - 02:24 PM.


#2    Neognosis

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:39 PM

Opinion on what? Whether we agree with you?


#3    SRCivic98

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:47 PM

I think this is more of a status for a guy that's afraid of commitment. The same for a female as well. There could be catergories for men as well. For me I consider it more like this:

There is 1. The girl you hang with and talk to - she is supportive and there's a connection there but there's nothing more than friendship because you both know everything about each other and too much in common. 2. The girl that you would like to have - this usually the girl in your world that you know your chances are slim to none but you do anything and everything for but there's still nothing there. 3. The girl that you have for the rest of your life - to me this is the best type because if she's your type and your both passionate about your lifestyles and things you want to do then perfect. Because you both have a lot in common but also there is a few differences between each other to keep the curiousity up there a little bit. Also, these are usually the girl that you end up hanging with and like/love to have because you never looked for her and you two just found each other and there was an ultimately connected.

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#4    Clyde the Glyde

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:47 PM

The ideal woman is one who is not just your lover but also your best friend.  If you find one, don't let her go. They are hard to find.


#5    WoIverine

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 03:36 PM

Say your significant other wants to go bar hopping with a same sex, single friend a couple times per week, but you're not down with that because you feel like that's something single / looking to be single people do. You respect her by not putting yourself into situations where you can be hit on by other women, but she doesn't feel the same and won't do that for you. I trust her, and know she wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but it's more of a respect issue to me. I'm really confused about this, don't know how to react, or respond to that. I guess I probably suck at the relationship thing.  <_<

Edited by SpiderCyde, 08 February 2010 - 03:40 PM.


#6    Hamlyn

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 05:12 PM

View PostSpiderCyde, on 08 February 2010 - 03:36 PM, said:

Say your significant other wants to go bar hopping with a same sex, single friend a couple times per week, but you're not down with that because you feel like that's something single / looking to be single people do. You respect her by not putting yourself into situations where you can be hit on by other women, but she doesn't feel the same and won't do that for you. I trust her, and know she wouldn't do anything with anyone else, but it's more of a respect issue to me. I'm really confused about this, don't know how to react, or respond to that. I guess I probably suck at the relationship thing.  Posted Image

It's much easier to relate to your question when you put it this way. I wasn't sure what you were driving at with the first post, but now I see.

The way I see it, the two of you have very different values, and so it will be hard for you to get along as a couple.

I believe that even if both of you had her values, it would be hard to get along.

That bar-hopping lifestyle puts punishing miles on people and their relationships.

Furthermore, it's normal and practically inevitable for either one of you to feel threatened and jealous when the other one is doing it.

She's not going out to a knitting class, after all.

I hope you're not thinking that you "shouldn't" feel jealous or that you will somehow master jealousy in this situation. I think that the vast majority of human beings can just forget about that. We are what we are.

Again, I'm not talking about never letting her out of your sight, as if you were jealous and threatened about a knitting class or something. You are not being paranoid. Her behavior is indistinguishable from that of a woman who is single and looking. That is a hard, hard thing to try to live with.

And there's no reason you should have to, and there's no reason she should have to live your way if her lifestyle is what she wants right now (and it clearly is).

I'm a believer in personal freedom. If two people want the same things in life, then that's great. If they don't, then "oh well." That is just the way it is. There are about 6 billion people on the planet with whom you will not be sharing your life, and a relatively tiny number with whom you will be sharing it. :)

So two people not quite finding each other is a normal story.

I make myself sound all fairness and no-blame, but the truth is that I'm biased toward your position. I think that you are wise for choosing not to party in bars several times a week. I think that a person who is doing that into his or her 30's is in for big trouble. I mean, it's rough enough in your 20's. Best to grow out of it before it really kicks your ass.

So. If you take advantage of your own freedom, and your respect your girlfriend's by letting her go her separate way, then I think you'll find a woman who meets your description of the marrying kind, and she'll find you.

My first wife partied off into the sunset. I came to a point at about age 30 where I wanted no part of that anymore. But I still used alcohol to deal with pain, and I had to find a better way. That was a long and rough road. Today I'm with a woman who simply doesn't see any use for booze and partying. Which is good, because neither do I. :D

If a wretch like me can have that, then so can you.

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#7    WoIverine

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:41 PM

View PostHamlyn, on 08 February 2010 - 05:12 PM, said:

It's much easier to relate to your question when you put it this way. I wasn't sure what you were driving at with the first post, but now I see.

The way I see it, the two of you have very different values, and so it will be hard for you to get along as a couple.

I believe that even if both of you had her values, it would be hard to get along.

That bar-hopping lifestyle puts punishing miles on people and their relationships.

Furthermore, it's normal and practically inevitable for either one of you to feel threatened and jealous when the other one is doing it.

She's not going out to a knitting class, after all.

I hope you're not thinking that you "shouldn't" feel jealous or that you will somehow master jealousy in this situation. I think that the vast majority of human beings can just forget about that. We are what we are.

Again, I'm not talking about never letting her out of your sight, as if you were jealous and threatened about a knitting class or something. You are not being paranoid. Her behavior is indistinguishable from that of a woman who is single and looking. That is a hard, hard thing to try to live with.

And there's no reason you should have to, and there's no reason she should have to live your way if her lifestyle is what she wants right now (and it clearly is).

I'm a believer in personal freedom. If two people want the same things in life, then that's great. If they don't, then "oh well." That is just the way it is. There are about 6 billion people on the planet with whom you will not be sharing your life, and a relatively tiny number with whom you will be sharing it. :)

So two people not quite finding each other is a normal story.

I make myself sound all fairness and no-blame, but the truth is that I'm biased toward your position. I think that you are wise for choosing not to party in bars several times a week. I think that a person who is doing that into his or her 30's is in for big trouble. I mean, it's rough enough in your 20's. Best to grow out of it before it really kicks your ass.

So. If you take advantage of your own freedom, and your respect your girlfriend's by letting her go her separate way, then I think you'll find a woman who meets your description of the marrying kind, and she'll find you.

My first wife partied off into the sunset. I came to a point at about age 30 where I wanted no part of that anymore. But I still used alcohol to deal with pain, and I had to find a better way. That was a long and rough road. Today I'm with a woman who simply doesn't see any use for booze and partying. Which is good, because neither do I. :D

If a wretch like me can have that, then so can you.

I hear you, thanks for the advice, we've been arguing about it for a few days. I think we've come up with a solution though. If she wants to go out to a bar(s) I'm going with. :)

Edited by SpiderCyde, 08 February 2010 - 08:41 PM.


#8    Hamlyn

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:45 PM

I didn't even know that was an option on offer. :)

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#9    _Nyx_

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:47 PM

I'm the marrying type ^_^  Years ago, I was the other two. Most of us grow up and mature and life in the "fast lane" gets old after awhile.


#10    WoIverine

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:51 PM

View Post_Nyx_, on 08 February 2010 - 08:47 PM, said:

I'm the marrying type ^_^  Years ago, I was the other two. Most of us grow up and mature and life in the "fast lane" gets old after awhile.


Ahh, cool! So there is hope after all. lol


#11    _Nyx_

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Posted 08 February 2010 - 08:58 PM

Yeah, there is :yes:


#12    The_Griffin

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 05:52 AM

In my opinion these three types of girls are really the same girl just going through different phases in her life. You can't be quick to dismiss the first two types right away because they will eventually turn into the third one...the girls you marry  :tu:


#13    TheBloom

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 01:29 PM

From a female perspective:

I think a guy who is quick to judge what 'type' I am isn't worth my time on anyway.

Can you imagine sleeping with a guy and then having him say 'but..it was just sex. I thought you were just a fling'.
OUCH. Then again, you could say to the girl 'you should have been more discrete about opening your legs!'

I have never been one for that sort of thing anyway. I'd classify myself in catagory 3. The marrying type. However, I DO enjoy going out. I DO enjoy going to clubs (on occasion). That doesn't mean I'm out to hook up with a random guy just because I enjoy the atmosphere of a club.
I enjoy my freedom (albiet monogamous freedom). I think it's empowering for each person in a relationship to have their alone time. Alone time doesn't mean alone from everyone. It means time away from your partner.
I spend a LOT of time with my boyfriend, and every now and then I end up ranting and saying 'I need to go to my friends house for a while'. He knows I'm not cheating, he also knows I am with whoever I say I'm with. Guy or girl. He trusts me that I just need time on my own.

The only thing that's needed between two people is HONEST COMMUNICATION.

As long as each other knows exactly where the other one stands there should be no misunderstandings.


#14    Neognosis

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 01:42 PM

Quote

I hear you, thanks for the advice, we've been arguing about it for a few days. I think we've come up with a solution though. If she wants to go out to a bar(s) I'm going with.

Can you be happy that way?

I am nearing the end of a very long and painful road, and I have realized, the hard way, that you can't keep being a little bit unhappy for a LONG time to avoid being VERY unhappy for a short time. The former will eat you alive and make you an empty shell.


#15    WoIverine

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 04:22 PM

View PostNeognosis, on 09 February 2010 - 01:42 PM, said:

Can you be happy that way?

I am nearing the end of a very long and painful road, and I have realized, the hard way, that you can't keep being a little bit unhappy for a LONG time to avoid being VERY unhappy for a short time. The former will eat you alive and make you an empty shell.

I hear you man, and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough situation with yours. It literally is the toughest thing I've dealt with. If we don't make it, at least I will have learned a few things about myself and what I need to work on. I've learned to be even more discreet in the screening process for a potential significant other. If I decide to start dating again eventually, I'm not settling in the least for ANYTHING that I don't want, or like. Through every break up...the wall seems to get a lot larger, and tougher, it hurts, but not so much anymore.





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