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How Do You Tell If Your Mate Is Cheating?


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#1    WoIverine

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:01 AM

Has anyone been through this before? If so, how did you find out? I'm probably paranoid, but I am suspecting my significant other of this. It's an awful feeling to live with.  <_<


#2    Virtual Particle

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:15 AM

View PostSpiderCyde, on 03 May 2010 - 12:01 AM, said:

Has anyone been through this before? If so, how did you find out? I'm probably paranoid, but I am suspecting my significant other of this. It's an awful feeling to live with.  <_<


Human smell differently when interacting with another sexual partner....But in reality??? The technology does not exist, outside our own physical senses, to know the difference.

Developing technology which, does just that? Would aid in discovery.

Any thoughts?

Edited by Triad, 03 May 2010 - 12:16 AM.

Time is a form of communication
Consciousness transcends all states
that can be perceived as matter
Matter communicates its existence
to consciousness through time        
Man is infinite
God is more
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#3    Sakari

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:16 AM

I can not remember what Psycologist said this ( was a popular one ) , but she said " if you think your other is having a affair , there is a 90% chance they are".....

Not sure where the numbers came from , but I agree...If you suspect this , you are probably correct...You know your other ( lack of better word) more than anyone else does.....

I have a ex-wife because of affairs she had...I do remember having that " gut feeling" , and I tried to deny it , but it was correct....

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#4    the1truebat

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:45 AM

View PostSpiderCyde, on 03 May 2010 - 12:01 AM, said:

Has anyone been through this before? If so, how did you find out? I'm probably paranoid, but I am suspecting my significant other of this. It's an awful feeling to live with.  <_<
I hate to ask, but what's making you think she's cheating? Is she being vague with her answers. Is she spending lees time with you? Has she began new activities? Is she just acting wierd? You don't have to answer if it's too personal.

I am the guy with the stick.

#5    Black Hound

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:46 AM

Hire a private detective, easy and hopefully cheap. Confronting won't work, as they'll lie. Physical force isn't the answer either. Just say "Good Bye" and learn from your mistakes.Go for brains, not for looks.


#6    Tropo

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 01:28 AM

How about just asking them?
Sure they can lie but I don't think all of this sneaking around with detectives and such is going to help.
I mean if you can't trust your partner then should you really be in a relationship with them anyways?

Edited by Tropo, 03 May 2010 - 01:29 AM.


#7    Watchers

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 01:55 AM

Terrible dilemma. I know exactly where you're at. I guess it depends on how well you know the person, and what their habits/behavior is. Being with someone for several years can give you a good idea--and if you see that they have a bad habit of lying and they are needy/dependent and have attention problems, they may be more prone to cheat on you. One thing that I do know is possible is for you to become so paranoid that it ends up driving the other person away, or actually becoming a self fulfilling prophecy--it ends up driving them INTO the arms of someone else.

Some would say that the best course of action would be to keep quiet about this and just try to go about life as normal (until actual proof smacks you in the face).

Some would say keep quiet, but sneak around and try to discover the truth on your own.

Personally, I think the best option would be to politely (and with the right timing) confront your partner, and tell them how you're feeling. Don't just say "I think you're cheating on me", and definitely don't accuse them of anything. Just simply say something like, "Lately I've been feeling like something's going on...and here's why..." Give him/her the reasons you feel this way (specific examples etc.) If they respond agitated and irritated, chances are they're probably cheating on you. But if they respond nice and calm and genuinely attempt to put your worries to ease, and seem legitimately concerned with making things right, then things may be ok.


#8    WoIverine

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 02:55 AM

View PostWatchers, on 03 May 2010 - 01:55 AM, said:

Terrible dilemma. I know exactly where you're at. I guess it depends on how well you know the person, and what their habits/behavior is. Being with someone for several years can give you a good idea--and if you see that they have a bad habit of lying and they are needy/dependent and have attention problems, they may be more prone to cheat on you. One thing that I do know is possible is for you to become so paranoid that it ends up driving the other person away, or actually becoming a self fulfilling prophecy--it ends up driving them INTO the arms of someone else.

Some would say that the best course of action would be to keep quiet about this and just try to go about life as normal (until actual proof smacks you in the face).

Some would say keep quiet, but sneak around and try to discover the truth on your own.

Personally, I think the best option would be to politely (and with the right timing) confront your partner, and tell them how you're feeling. Don't just say "I think you're cheating on me", and definitely don't accuse them of anything. Just simply say something like, "Lately I've been feeling like something's going on...and here's why..." Give him/her the reasons you feel this way (specific examples etc.) If they respond agitated and irritated, chances are they're probably cheating on you. But if they respond nice and calm and genuinely attempt to put your worries to ease, and seem legitimately concerned with making things right, then things may be ok.

Wow, excellent advice, thanks! Thanks to everyone else as well.


#9    Neognosis

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:19 AM

Quote

Go for brains, not for looks.  

Right.... because only good looking people cheat... :wacko:

what you should be more concerned wtih is what is missing in the relationship for her/him that is causing the infidelity.


#10    Amberlight

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:39 AM

I would keep quiet about my suspicions and gather hard facts. That way when it's time to discuss it, they cannot refute the facts. If you still love this person, be gentle and try to get the honest answer as to what is happening and why. The "other person" is really irrelevant, your loved is all that matters.

Today on my walk I passed by this old lady who was sweetly calling to her cat. She said, “Here Sylvester, here kitty kitty, come here.” But while she said it she was holding this large broom. This made me wonder what she knew about Sylvester that the rest of us didn’t. - Amberlight

#11    Agent X

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:43 AM

If you want to be certain hire a private detective.

This is not a joke.

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#12    Sakari

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 04:05 AM

If your gut feeling is right ( I hope it is not) , dump her hard , and never look back....Once a cheater all ways a cheater....

I do hope you are wrong though for your sake....Been there , it does hurt....

Is she a wife or girlfriend?....Hopefully no written contract :)

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#13    TwilightSilver

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 11:06 AM

View PostSakari, on 03 May 2010 - 04:05 AM, said:

If your gut feeling is right ( I hope it is not) , dump her hard , and never look back....Once a cheater all ways a cheater....

I do hope you are wrong though for your sake....Been there , it does hurt....

Is she a wife or girlfriend?....Hopefully no written contract :)


I never used to believe in "Gut feelings" or "Intuition" growing up. I always just ended up being gullible enough to think things were fine. Then after three failed relationships recently, I've learned to trust my gut. Sakari is right. If you have that feeling, act on it. Ask. It's a terrible thing if they are, and you find out in that way, but at least you will get some form of closure. I should have acted on my gut feelings many times, but I ignored it. It's the body's way of saying "Waaaaait a second.....something isn't right here...."  :blink:

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#14    Belial

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 12:24 PM

Just ask the question directly, the eyes usually give it away ;)

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#15    Migzilla

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 05:24 PM

In my personal opinion, I think you should be honest about your feelings. Personally, I would have a talk with my wife and let her know how I feel. I would be careful not to accuse her, since I'm not even sure she is cheating (it may even be offensive...so be careful and watch your tone). I would just tell her how I feel and that I want to know the truth. I wouldn't expect an answer right away. In fact, I would ask her to think about it and answer me later that day. I know that might sound stupid, but if you expect an answer right away, most people will lie. Think about it, ever since we were kids, we learned to lie whenever we were in trouble. I'm not a liar, but sometimes I catch myself wanting to lie whenever I feel like I've been put on the spot. If they are cheating, it's not going to be easy to confess. So maybe you should just say how you feel, and not immediately ask is they are cheating. Regardless, don't push for a quick answer. Also, be understanding if they do initially lie. Who would want to confess to such a thing? You can make it easier on them by keeping your cool and not sounding accusatory. Again, it may sound silly, but think about how hard this is. If they are cheating, they know that admitting it may result in divorce. If you have kids, that will make it even harder. And so, if you want the truth, don't push them into feeling the need to lie.

Also, I would do some soul-searching and see if perhaps I have been giving her reason to want to cheat. Maybe that means we need to spend more quality time (not just watching television or seeing a movie) together. I don't think you should rely on wedding vows to keep each other faithful, but rather on the fact that you two mutually give each other what you need. If you rely on wedding vows alone, things will probably becoming too routine (and that would make me want to cheat).

You may want to take a moment in advance to decide what you will do if your spouse is cheating. Otherwise, you might just let your emotions get the best of you when you find out. This is your spouse, it's worth the effort.

I'm certainly no expert...I can only share what I would do if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't hire an investigator. If I ever felt the need to go that route, I would really ask myself if I truly want to be married at all.

I hope everything goes well.

Peace,
Migzilla





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