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The Neverending Story: Reloaded


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#31    J.B.

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 08:18 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped. Confirming that the world, indeed, was as topsy turvy as this "dream" made it, Joe got back on his two feet swearing under his breath the entire time, thinking at least they're not primitive barbarians this time.


#32    Antimony

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:20 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Posted Image
Claudine went to the Ladies to power her nose.

#33    J.B.

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 09:52 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake."


#34    Antimony

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 10:17 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

Posted Image
Claudine went to the Ladies to power her nose.

#35    THE MATRIX

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 10:58 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. After a few minutes he realized he was chained to a table naked. The voice came a little closer. It was a Hot Brunette wearing a Red Bustier, matching thong, garters, black stockings, and 4in. Stilettos. His mind wasn't just going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada but also his groin area.


#36    Antimony

Antimony

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 11:14 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy.

As OP and quasi "moderator" of this thread I am taking the liberty to edit your response wolf and delete the rest of your paragraph. Firstly I explained & asked about three times to post one sentence per post, which you ignore, secondly this is still a family friendly forum and the direction in which you're taking the story is going too far for my taste. Thanks for understanding and I hope the mods won't mind.

Posted Image
Claudine went to the Ladies to power her nose.

#37    J.B.

J.B.

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 04:53 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it.

(Somehow, I don't think this is a Bruce Campbell tribute story for Wolf, maybe he's like Campbell's characters? LOL. Just kidding.)


#38    Antimony

Antimony

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 06:13 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed.

Posted Image
Claudine went to the Ladies to power her nose.

#39    J.B.

J.B.

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 06:28 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.


#40    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:03 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind.

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#41    J.B.

J.B.

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:13 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind. Who is this guy, MacGyver? Joe thought as he watched the LGF, wondering if maybe he could use any of those items himself.


#42    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 25,687 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
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  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:22 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind. Who is this guy, MacGyver? Joe thought as he watched the LGF, wondering if maybe he could use any of those items himself. But the so far expressionless face transformed into asymmetric grin, and the LGF took the cork of the heap, pointing at Joe’s chest.

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#43    J.B.

J.B.

    Alien Abducter

  • Member
  • 5,427 posts
  • Joined:23 Sep 2007
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:United States

  • Deadpan snarker in your midst: Jokers beware. I eat jokes for fun and spit out seriousness just because that's how I roll. :P

Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:29 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind. Who is this guy, MacGyver? Joe thought as he watched the LGF, wondering if maybe he could use any of those items himself. But the so far expressionless face transformed into asymmetric grin, and the LGF took the cork of the heap, pointing at Joe’s chest. Without thinking, Joe dived to the side and waited for the shot that never came.


#44    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 25,687 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Croatia/Sucamore Beach

  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:39 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind. Who is this guy, MacGyver? Joe thought as he watched the LGF, wondering if maybe he could use any of those items himself. But the so far expressionless face transformed into asymmetric grin, and the LGF took the cork of the heap, pointing at Joe’s chest. Without thinking, Joe dived to the side and waited for the shot that never came. Instead, the green eyebrows went up and the LGF started to vigorously point at the cork and the Joe’s chest, like he’s trying to suggest... some sort of trade?

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#45    J.B.

J.B.

    Alien Abducter

  • Member
  • 5,427 posts
  • Joined:23 Sep 2007
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:United States

  • Deadpan snarker in your midst: Jokers beware. I eat jokes for fun and spit out seriousness just because that's how I roll. :P

Posted 08 June 2010 - 07:48 PM

When Joe dragged himself out of bed on that drizzly Wednesday morning, never in a million years would it have entered his mind that by the time the day was over what he considered normality would have left his life for good, never to return. He walked out to his kitchen, yawned, and grabbed some poptarts before doing a double-take and looking at the little green man sitting at his kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Are you a leprechan" Joe asked as he took a bite out of his poptart. "You've come to steal me Lucky Charms?"

The little green man gave Joe an "Are you fricken serious" stare and kept eating his cereal, clearly unimpressed by Joe's sense of humour.


But Joe wasn't really being serious. He pulled out his axe and was ready and willing to use it. But the little green man did not back down. He just kept on eatin. And he ate the cereal with a mocking smirk.

Infuriated, he swung his axe with his full strength. It struck the little green man in the stomach. Instead of blood being drawn, the green man went poof. The only thing that was left was a green smoke ring that floated up to the ceiling. It dissipated on contact.

The alarm clock rang. He smashed it with his axe. He threw the bowl and cereal away in the trash, but then he got a good look at the outside.

Every single person outside was green. All of them. He was the only black man in the world. That was, at least the world stretching as far as his neighbourhood street. Joe didn't dare walk past his door until he was better armed than an axe. But what else did he have in the house apart from the set of ceramic kitchen knives his mother had given him for Christmas last year?

Then Joe got a brilliant idea, ran outside to grab every heavy stick he could find, and broke all his upstairs windows for jagged pieces of glass. Now he only had to get a hold on some heavy-duty glue. Then he remembered the belt-sander downstairs with the ductape near it and spent the next hour dulling down parts of the glass before duct-taping it to the sticks as improvised javelins. He used to be quite good at it in High School, so he was confident he could hit a target if necessary.

Joe picked up his golf-bag as an improvised quiver and slipped 9 new makeshift javelins into it before running to his bedroom on the second story of his home for a better look at his surroundings.

But as he stood there at the window, slightly panting from rushing up the stairs, he could not believe what he saw when he took a closer look at the little, green people milling around on his street. There were hundreds of them, unarmed but all staring right back up at him from the street, baring little ghost-white fangs.

Yet, they were smiling, in a strange sort of way, not maliciously grinning as he first thought, and holding hands whilst slowly chanting: "Sanita-lee, sanita-lee Kumquat..."

Joe ran downstairs, stashed the weaponry behind the front door, and walked out with his hands where the little green men could see them, making sure the men knew he was being peaceful. He swallowed hard a couple of times, wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and slowly stepped onto the lawn. To break his tension, Joe calmly spoke to the chanting Green people, "I come in peace, now take me to your leader."

In reply to that however, the Kumquats (that's what Joe decided to call them in his head) just smiled even wider and grabbed his hands with their strange three-fingered claws which were surprisingly warm and silky to the touch. Joe cringed inside, thinking to himself how dare these weirdos touch me! And yet, their touch felt strangely soothing, and a preternatural calm overcame him.

Joe felt his body warming and the suggestion of words started filling his brain, but it would take some time for him to get used to the feeling enough to make sense of it.

After an hour he was brought to a green hut. One of the little green men walked into the hut. Five minutes later this really Tall Hot Blond woman wearing a green corset, garters, black stockings, and 4in. black stilettos came out of the hut. She told Joe that she was the leader of the little green men. Joe was silent. His mind was going Hubada Hubada Hubada Hubada.

Dazed, he couldn't help himself trying to touch her curvaceous body, but when reaching out to her he was groping empty air. Joe hadn't learned his lesson from the axe strike he'd made in his kitchen, and now he was paying for it.

And so the time of remarks has ended and the story went back to green people that go puff when you strike them with an axe, which is more than strange coincidence because in one of the parallel universes someone was mentioning axes, wondering where that strange drive to talk about axes came from.

"Aww, ****, I should have known better than to trust them that much!" Said a rather irate Joe as he picked himself up from the ground after falling right through the "woman".

He looked at his palms and knees, with childish mixture of curiosity and fear and while the sarcastic thought “Oh, well, at least she won’t expect me to call her in the morning” was comforting him, he glanced around for two reasons: one was instinctive search for anything that could be used to extend the limited abilities of human body, the other futile hope that everything melted back into the only reality he knew about not so long ago and woke up in his bed, with no one green around him and his knees not scraped.

He did not get much further in his wistful reminiscences because all of a sudden a sharp pain at the base of his neck made him black out instantaneously.

Joe woke up an hour later with a splitting migraine and a voice in his head said, "Ahh, you're awake. But...I don't think you're in Kansas anymore" as, through the haze of his slowly returning consciousness he heard a low, electric humming and felt shuddering, rhythmic vibrations beneath his body.

A little dazed he looked around but he was still groggy. He was in a dark cave under the ground with a light shining from above. . . it was a hole and he could see the sky through it. Or that's what he thought at first, until he realized that the walls of this "cave" were made out of a metal-like material and that the stars were streaking past the opening above him at vertiginous speed. Joe freaked out and ran around banging on the walls, screaming "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE GREEN FREAKS!!!!!!!" as one of the walls opened a hole in it and one of the aforementioned LFGs walked into the room.

If only he’d say, something, anything, but even his face was completely expressionless, as he started to pull out things out of his pockets with serenity of everyday routine, until there was a small but amazingly chaotic heap on the floor, allowing Joe to recognize just few items, pen, lighter, cork, candy wrapper, card, lost in god knows what else in that surreal mess that could offer no meaning to the sane mind. Who is this guy, MacGyver? Joe thought as he watched the LGF, wondering if maybe he could use any of those items himself. But the so far expressionless face transformed into asymmetric grin, and the LGF took the cork of the heap, pointing at Joe’s chest. Without thinking, Joe dived to the side and waited for the shot that never came. Instead, the green eyebrows went up and the LGF started to vigorously point at the cork and the Joe’s chest, like he’s trying to suggest... some sort of trade?

Joe looked down at his chest and said, "My shirt. You want my shirt?"





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