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[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above


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#4771    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 07:49 PM

That’s how joc remembers that incident, but the truth is, when he was in the hospital vegetating after hitting his head against the concrete mixer twice... OK, I must explain that: first he hit his head when he was putting sea shells in said mixer, that’s very efficient and easy way to clean them, just let them spin in there for a while, you only have to take care you don’t put your head inside to check if they’re clean yet.
The second time was when he regained his consciousness after the first blow and tried to stand up, hitting his head against the same mixer, now from the outside.
So his body was lying in the hospital, vegetating, while his spirit was wandering around, met some other disembodieds and hanged out with them. Literally, they hanged out on a phone wire like drying laundry. Because spirits like electricity the way horses like oats or lesser people like the misery of others... it gives them an energy boost.
I do not like my electricity or my land line disturbed so I commanded them to go back to their birthplace and leave the wire the **** alone, which resulted in sudden spiritual commotion and joc had his head hit again.
Now, you see, when you hit your physical head it can catapult your mind out of it, but when you hit your mind while outside of your body it can kick it back in.
And that’s precisely what happened to joc.
Then the nurse came by and noticed he’s blinking, so they started resuscitating him, but if I tell you he was squashed out of his body again you’ll think I’m exaggerating here so I’ll withhold further details.
I’ll just tell you joc finally woke up in the graveyard, true, with accidental help of two grave robbers whose grave robbing career was abruptly shortened by joc’s sudden loud inhale and “I’m coming, Helen, I’m coooooom-m-m-m-iiiiiiiinggggg.... aaah.”
So he came, back to his senses.
You’re welcome.

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#4772    Miss Shadows

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 11:46 PM

Helen was in rehab about 5 years ago, to finally kick that peanut butter habit. She got out and was doing good for a while, but now she's back to her old ways of sticking her finger in  the jar. Yuck :P

American with an accent, Christian with a tat, sociopath with a heart, child with no mother, Lover with no Lover, confidently doubting, amused but not laughing, woman but child, feisty yet caring, sweet when not bitter.

#4773    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 12:40 AM

Heartsareforbreaking is a hitman for the UM mob . No one knows this,but the moderators have us whacked ,when they get tired of of our whining . I heard hearts is very busy ,especially with the lot on the Bigfoot threads . Now you all know why some members just ..........vanish .
*plays suspense backdrop music*


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#4774    joc

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:19 AM

Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride.  Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind.  Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels.  No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi.  Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader.

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once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

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#4775    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 04:36 AM

View Postjoc, on 23 November 2012 - 02:19 AM, said:

Sometimes, late at night, when the moon is full, if you happen to look just at the right time, you might catch a glimpse of Simbi Laveau's silhouette as she takes her broomstick for a midnight ride.  Often, you will see a hundred or so other broom riders following close behind.  Rumor has it that these are the Hell's Angels...not the motorcycle club...the real Hell's Angels.  No one is quite sure why they follow so closely behind Simbi.  Some say it is because they are trying to catch her and take her home...others say they are just following their leader.

None of this stuff y'all posting about me is lie . I do this stuff all the time....

Anyhooo....joc is really a Hollywood actor. He keeps it quite quiet .

He's the body double for the guy that plays Howard ,on The Big Bang Theory . It's jocs only regular acting gig,but it pays the bills .

Edited by Simbi Laveau, 23 November 2012 - 04:37 AM.

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#4776    SpiritWriter

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:57 AM

Simbi has a big round head, a pointy hat and some sideways flying hair. She has two hands connected to her chin and other than that she has no body. She bounces up and down on her broomstick ALL DAY and she never stops smiling...

The letter kills but The Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:6

Non-ambiguity and non-contradiction are one sided and thus unsuited to express the incomprehensible. -Jung

#4777    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 05:27 PM

SpiritWriter typed that with her nose, because she hasn’t chewed through her new straightjacket yet.

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#4778    joc

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:38 AM

Helen is an absolute genius at chewing through straight jackets.  It was about 4 o'clock one morning, cold, dreary, rainy morning, dark as dark can be....Helen awoke from a fitful sleep...dreaming of jocs and dragons and hookers and Midnight Madness Sales at the Mall...

When she awoke, she realized her bed was on fire...must have been that candle that she left burning on her pillow...hey, we're talking about Helen here...so anyways,  as the reality of the burning bed begins to set in, the realization that she also is strapped into her nighty (in the real world we call it a straight jacket)  and she suddenly has to move quickly, else she will be burned alive in her bed.

Remembering the night before, when she was standing in line for an hour at Hollisters at the mall at 1:30am, the memory of biting her way to the front of the line came to her conscious mind.  She tore into the jacket with full teeth engaged at mock speed.  In as little as 45 seconds, she had nawed her way through not only the straps of the straight jacket, but also through the straps that held both feet and hands tight to the gurney.

It all seemed like a dream to Helen...as most of life does...and so she wasn't sure what to believe and not believe...so she called Joc on the telephone at 3:00am....only to hear the recording...Hi this is joc, I really care...please leave me a message...I'll get back wicha.

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once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

ReverbNation

#4779    SpiritWriter

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 05:52 AM

Joc has flipper feet.

The letter kills but The Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:6

Non-ambiguity and non-contradiction are one sided and thus unsuited to express the incomprehensible. -Jung

#4780    joc

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 02:42 PM

Spirtwriter's very first book, The Non-Sequential History of the Suburban Lizards and How They Transformed the World Through Audio-Synthetic Frequency Eruptions and Why We as a World are Better Off With Them Controlling Us , sold exactly 3 copies worldwide.

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once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

ReverbNation

#4781    ouija ouija

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 02:55 PM

AND I HAVE ONE OF THOSE THREE COPIES!!!!!!! :w00t:

Oddly though, it's signed by joc ...........
I recently discovered, after a lot of research, that SpiritWriter and joc ARE ONE AND THE SAME PERSON!!!!!!!! Freaky, huh?

(Sorry about all the capitals .... I think I've caught the araxia disease :( )

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

#4782    joc

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 03:17 PM

The real TRUTH is that Ouija Ouija and Araxia ...are THE SAME PERSON!!!

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once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

ReverbNation

#4783    SpiritWriter

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 03:24 PM

Ouija Ouija loves me and jocs book so much because she had already tapped into the Knowledge of being controlled by lizards long ago and has been searching for such a book for a long time. She got very excited when she finally found the book and bought all of them. She is now in the process of telling her own story about the lizards in her life.

Joc, who has separated from me now, and after all was the part of me that was into lizardry, has moved in with her and agrees to help her write the story. The lizards that rule them are in her yard, under the beds and in the closets. A few of the small ones hang out and swing on the chandelier. These are the least 'abusive' but are still rather mean (throwing things at them, pooping on them, etc..)

The letter kills but The Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:6

Non-ambiguity and non-contradiction are one sided and thus unsuited to express the incomprehensible. -Jung

#4784    joc

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 03:30 PM

The lizards only started hanging out on the chandaleir after seeing Spiritwriter, drunker than a lizard in heet, hanging by her legs on the chandelier, swinging back and forth, and swinging at everyone with her bottle of Lizared Love Potion #21

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once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

ReverbNation

#4785    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 03:32 PM

Everyone else is anyone else so it’s really you and me, joc. UM has two members in total so you better suck up to me or I’ll leave you alone to reply to your own posts until you get yourself confronted with yourself to the point when the differences between your own selves are irreconcilable.

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.