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[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above


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#5566    Queen in the North

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 09:30 PM

Helen constructs wigs with hairs originating from areas of the human body you really don't want your wig to be made from.

Then she gives them away free with each pot of her face cream. £149.99 a tub, that stuff is!

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#5567    J. K.

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 09:50 PM

Queen in the north is the model on the cover of Helen's catalog.  After several months of intense therapy, the photographer has been able to resume his work.

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#5568    ouija ouija

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 10:27 PM

J.K. is the aforementioned photographer. Helen very kindly gave him a free tub(sample size ...... she's not that generous!),  of her face cream and you can see the effect it had on his skin from his avatar: the skin has firmed up so successfully that it has caused his lips to be pulled back in a permanent rictus-type grin ......... scary!!!!

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

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#5569    Queen in the North

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 10:37 PM

You all keep referring to me as Queen in the North... I prefer "Your Highness". Or "God", whatever.

Ouija ouija is just jealous that her method of finding eternal youth, the ouija board, didn't work out, and is now using enough pharmaceuticals to give a walrus a facelift in order to achieve her look.

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#5570    OverSword

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 10:43 PM

Her highney, Queen in the North says to herself "I just know I can make a superior face cream here in Britain, than that cheap Croation stuff"  So she set to work making the British version of the cream.  The main ingredient is milk that her hiney personally extracts from from male cows which comes out after a vigorous milking.  The other ingredients are top secret.


#5571    Queen in the North

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 11:17 PM

Oversword is actually the person I employ to milk the male cows. He's just bitter.

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#5572    the1truebat

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 02:50 AM

Don't be upset, My Queen, I understand that it's a blow to your self esteem. You shouldn't take his rejection too personally, OverSword doesn't like pretty women either.

I am the guy with the stick.

#5573    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 01:11 PM

Bat is just jealous of Overswords way with the ladiieesss.....
Bat also has intimacy issues ,so he tries to sweet talk all the girls,but is repeatedly spurned and told to ,"sod off you ******" repeatedly  .
He's joined all the dating sites ,and still can't find a mate .Even a primate will do that this point ,but not even chim chim is interested .
Poor lonely bat .

Miss me?

#5574    the1truebat

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:25 PM

Simbi, are you still mad that I dumped you for a new model with go faster stripes?

I am the guy with the stick.

#5575    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:30 PM

Simbi raised a bat once, believing she’s raising a kitten. Particularly ugly and slightly malformed kitten, which only added to its charm.
Then one day night ugly kitten flew away. Simbi didn’t see it happen so she thought her kitten got lost or stolen and made “lost kitten” flyers with photo of her baby bat. People would call her to express their disapproval of making fun of lost pets flyers, PETA called to threaten to retaliate for use of animal photo unauthorized by the photographed animal, which is clearly an act of animal abuse, Simbi’s neighbour called to pant in her ear... all in all, no trace of baby kittenbat.
Months have passed, maybe years.  
Then Simbi bumped into a man dressed like Batman. “Kitty!” she screamed, hugging the guy tightly “Is that you, itty bitty my tiny kitty, look at you, all grown up and... oh... oh, so you are a boy, I thought you were girl, boys usually have larger heads... so happy to see me too...”
“No, crazy lady, that’s my phone.” he said coldly, unwrapping her hands off his latex-clad body, proving once more that straight guys don’t wear tights.

And up there in the night sky you could see a lonely bat shadow flapping against the Moon, but you couldn't hear him merrily greet his foster mother in ultrasound. Proving once more there's always someone who loves you. who's going to ninja post on me *shakes tentacle*


Edit: it was the1truebat who flipped Simbi off like that. tights-wearer.

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 07 March 2013 - 04:31 PM.

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#5576    the1truebat

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:37 PM

Helen of annoy could quite possibly be one gorgeous woman, if only she'd shave off her beard.

I am the guy with the stick.

#5577    J. K.

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:41 PM

the1truebat gave Helen a Batwoman costume, but she wouldn't wear it.  Now bat just pines away in his Batcave, gazing at the photos of Helen on his computer screen.

One's reality is another's nightmare.

#5578    the1truebat

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:45 PM

Which is slightly less pathetic  than J.K. who dresses up in womens undergarments and goes looking for sailors in bars.

I am the guy with the stick.

#5579    Queen in the North

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 05:00 PM

the1truebat makes puppets from human remains, and goes to children's wards and terrorises the already scared, sick kiddies.

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#5580    the1truebat

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 05:06 PM

Good morning, your highness. Done spackling your makeup on already? It normally takes 3 or 4 hours just to make you resemble a female.

Edited by the1truebat, 07 March 2013 - 05:08 PM.

I am the guy with the stick.