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[Archived] Make up a lie about poster above


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#5596    the1truebat

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 04:22 AM

Time for your day at the spa, your highness, I see you're already wearing your mud mask... waitaminnit, that's not mud. Oh, you and J.K. are sick, sick people, put that puppy down and turn off that camera.
This is going straight to the tabloids.

I am the guy with the stick.

#5597    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 06:40 AM

Batty likes a beauty treatment himself ,now and again . He goes to the local esthetician for a pluck ,electrolosis ,and waxing ,once a month .
He says he needs to tame the savage jungle  ,lest real baboons try to nest in it .......ahhhheeemmmm .
He asks for the red sox logo shape sometimes,but the girls who work there,only know how to do the mets .

(Oh that was good. Zing ! )

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#5598    J. K.

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 03:12 PM

Simbi used to own the baboons before he gave them to bat.  The baboons used to groom Simbi's hair, and remove the...um...parasites.  However, they started removing the hair as well, leaving him with the tire tread look.  Simbi now frequents yard sales, hoping to find an old wig that matches his hair color.

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#5599    OverSword

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 04:08 PM

J.K.'s nose hairs are so thick and so long that they have become sentient and now J.K. does thier bidding. :ph34r:   Thier bidding usually consists of J.K. drinking until he mistakes the clothes hamper for the toilet and falling asleep in the kitchen by the light of the slightly open refrigerator.


#5600    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 04:17 PM

OverSword found what he thought is a chest full of old wigs in his attic, right before last Halloween, what a neat coincidence, chose one in a hurry and wore it.
Then he wanted to put it back in the old chest and have a better look at all those old but very natural looking wigs and noticed there are old newspapers at the bottom with headlines like: “Woman scalped at Nightmare bridge!”, “Scalped body found in Lake Barf”, “Third victim of Night Scalper!”, “It’s the coyotes! authorities confirm”, “Night Scalper still not caught!”, “Bald woman escapes deathly grip” and so on.
That explains the very natural feel of the wigs but does not explain which one of his ancestors had such strange hobby.

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 08 March 2013 - 04:19 PM.

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#5601    Queen in the North

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 07:37 PM

It was Helen. She's pretty old.

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#5602    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 09:07 PM

Yes, I still keep the apple I gave to Adam... or was it Snow White? Damn, but I remember it was about an apple, an idiot and the unbelievable fuss that followed.
Dear god, if you don’t want idiots to eat forbidden/poisoned apples, do not create idiots. Or apples.

Anyway, Queen is one of my numerous descendants and she got my eyes. All perfectly preserved in formalin, except the oldest specimens that were traditionally conserved with salt and dried in draught so they are not much to see.
People keep complaining they feel like someone is watching them in her room.

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#5603    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 01:27 AM

Helen can regrow her eyes .All that weird Greek mythos stuff she has going on . So she enjoys plucking them out,ans drying them ,and strategically placing them in her enemies homes. Under pillows .Sewn into clothing hems .Behind the bathroom sink .
When she says ,"I've got my eye on you",she means it ,quite literally .

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#5604    the1truebat

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 03:48 AM

Poor Simbi, you guys know me, I'm a sucker for "special" people, (Just look at my ongoing friendship with OverSword)
So, when Simbi asked me to go to vegas with her to make sure she didn't "oops" again(Long story involving a priest, a rabbi, two nuns , a transexual monkey and a harem of hookers all in one giant cuddle puddle with Simbi) I said sure.
there we were, walking through one of the older areas when she saw a sign saying "Cathouse: 1 block" She started jumping up and down holding onto my arm begging,"Can we go, Batty, puhlease, I won't ask for anything else all day just take me to the cathouse, pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!"
I looked at her, "Simbi, do you know what a cathouse is."
"Of course." She replied matter of factly, "It's like a birdhouse but it's for cats".
So I said ok, and off we went.
When we got there, Simbi screamed, "Oh, I just love kitties!!" and ran inside.
Boy, was she suprised.

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#5605    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 05:13 AM

I still have my Cathouse sweatshirt somewhere. I do mean the Cathouse in L.A. that was run by Rickie Rachett . He co owned it with Taime Downe I believe . They opened another one....called Bordello . Those were the good ole days ....oversword will probably have been to both those clubs ...........*sighs* ,but I digress ....
...
Batty is a decoy for a private investigator . He sets up deviant holy men .  He says hes  a man of the cloth ,but then adds,loin cloth that is *wink wink*
He is so dim ,when given his instructions on how to set up the mark ,he thought he was setting up one of those Geico commercial cavemen
,who must have been cheating on their wife Wilma .
Boy,was HE ever surprised .




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#5606    the1truebat

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 05:18 AM

Unless those bars are for "alternative lifestyles", OverSword's never been there.
Simbi was voted most likely to have a same sex change, just so people could tell she WAS a she.

Edited by the1truebat, 09 March 2013 - 05:18 AM.

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#5607    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 05:35 AM

View Postthe1truebat, on 09 March 2013 - 05:18 AM, said:

Unless those bars are for "alternative lifestyles", OverSword's never been there.
Simbi was voted most likely to have a same sex change, just so people could tell she WAS a she.

http://articles.lati.../news/wk-buzz29
It was a type of alternative. I'm not west coast ,but the place was iconic ....yah...

Bet he was there ;)

Anyhooooo,batty is so closely related to his name sake here,he likes to eat bugs . He tries to jump in the air and get them to fly into his mouth ,as if he's a real bat ,but he's not quick enough .

He also like to make squeak noises ,and hang from his ceiling by his feet ,but the harnesses he set up to hold his ankles never work properly .
He's been to the hospital 6 times already ,for a concussion ,unknown causes he tells the doctors.
They all think he has munchausens .

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#5608    the1truebat

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 05:46 AM

Simbi once had to get her stomach pumped, it's true, it happened when she was eating jerky. She got to the bottom of the bag and grabbed the silicone packet.
It said"Do not eat", she took it as a dare.

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#5609    Simbi Laveau

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 06:26 AM

Batty loves dares. One of his friends dared him to watch every episode of the Kardashians .
He said he would do it if the guy paid him 100 bucks.
He marathoned it all .
His eyes glazed over ,and he passed out ,mid way through . He was rushed to the hospital unconscious.
When he woke up ,he immediately signed himself out of the hospital and ran home.
His friend offered him the money,bit he refused it .
He sat down and finished  every excruciating minute of every season .
He is now the president of The I Love KK+K Society .
He writes letters weekly to Kim Khloe and  Kourtney .
They've all taken out restraining orders .

Edited by Simbi Laveau, 09 March 2013 - 06:27 AM.

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#5610    the1truebat

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 06:56 AM

Simbi watched all of them with me, and don't lie, you said that you had to cash in your tips to give me my hundo. I swear, you're the only stripper I know who gets paid in pennies.

I am the guy with the stick.