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The Excuse Game


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#2806    acute

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:24 PM

Got no lard! soz.



Nuke my noisy neighbor.


#2807    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 05:00 PM

We’re not in the Middle East. You can’t have people nuked just because they make noise you don't like.

On a second thought, I hate noisy people. Help me help acute alan nuke his neighbour.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2808    ouija ouija

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 07:41 PM

Heavens! You don't need my help, I'd only get in the way. You two are more than capable of ruining a neighbour's life(and a large chunk of 'Mercia') by yourselves. I'd be saying annoying things like "Oh please wait until all the animals have left the vicinity!" and " Did everybody remember to bring a packed lunch with them?" and "Helen, have you brought any moist-wipes with you?" ....... see, it'd be hopeless.


Write all my Christmas cards for me.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#2809    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 08:40 PM

Take another look at my signature. Come to conclusion that would be the most awkward Christmas ever. Ask someone else to do that for you.

Buy me an urn. We’re having a barbecue tomorrow so I’d like to try it out to see how it fits the ashes of someone approximately my size.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2810    Bracket

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 12:03 AM

Urns are too expansive. The best I can afford is a coffee can.

Give me a book. I've read all of mine.

I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

*Note to self, need more henchman, good ones this time. Also, start auditions for new female lab assistant.

#2811    ouija ouija

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:16 PM

I wooould, but ....... I don't know where you live. I mean, if I send it to 'Bracket, Massachusetts' ...... nah, I'm not prepared to risk it.


Cut my hair for me.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#2812    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 07:25 PM

Hair works as antenna that connects you with the higher consciousness. I refuse to take part in your disconnecting.

Reboot me.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2813    The Mule

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 11:49 AM

the button is too small for my hooves to press

please brush my mane

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...never let a little thing like a fact get in the way of a good theory!

...arguably the worlds smartest mule!


#2814    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 07:22 PM

I really, honestly would, but I have to post crap on the Internet instead.

Make me sane again.

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 07 November 2012 - 07:23 PM.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2815    ouija ouija

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 08:14 PM

Good Grief, Helen! That's waaay too big a job for me. You'll need a team of internationally renowned shrinks mental health specialists if you're even going to scratch the surface of the problem.


Help me into my diving gear ...... I want to go and annoy sharks.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#2816    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 08:43 PM

You don’t need a diving gear for that... simply walk into their office, say you want to sue them for malpractice in this very law suit that you are about to start and promise them large percentage of the sum they extort from themselves.
Have your camera ready, there’s a chance a head or two will actually explode.

Sing me a lullaby.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2817    ouija ouija

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 09:15 PM

OO, OO! I'm good at that(seriously) ...... which one do you fancy; I've got quite a repetoire? Oh no, wait ...... me here, you all the way over there ...... sorry :cry:

Haha! Forgot to make a request: taste some of these seeds for me, I'm not sure which ones can go in my baking/cooking and which ones ............. well, um .......... probably shouldn't be eaten .....

Edited by ouija ouija, 07 November 2012 - 09:18 PM.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#2818    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 November 2012 - 04:26 PM

You need a canary in your kitchen. Miners used to take canaries with them in the mines so when poor little Tweety drops dead they know it’s time to evacuate humans too, because whichever poisonous gas killed the tiny bird will soon kill you too.
But if you put a canary in your kitchen, you have to get rid of anything with teflon coating, heating it up makes canaries drop dead too. Seriously.
Either way, I’m not a canary, I don’t do seed sampling, I just eat it all. If it tasted good, great, if it didn’t then it must be good for digestion. Throw it all in and call it “exotic new taste of plijesan” if anyone complains.
(Plijesan means mold, to save you the trip to translator.)

Give me strength to remain so concise in the future too.

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 08 November 2012 - 04:27 PM.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#2819    with bells on

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 05:32 AM

i would love to give you strength Helen, but i left my bible in my car, so without it I'm useless..


ive just been shot ten times by an intruder, can someone call an ambulance, im dddddyyy..iii..nggg....  heeeeelllllllppppppp.... meeeeee...

Edited by with bells on, 09 November 2012 - 05:32 AM.


#2820    Purifier

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Posted 09 November 2012 - 06:23 PM

I can't! Your Avi is threating to shoot me right now.




Somebody get me a bullet proof vest, in case I make his avi's day by mistake.

Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius




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