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what not to say to a cop


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42 replies to this topic

#16    Enoonmai

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 12:50 AM

Why the delete Aquatus?

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#17    a vampire wears my boxers

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 09:37 AM

*sniff sniff sniff* it's BACON!


no occifer, you're drunk!


this is oregano......


but hey, dead chicks dont say no! *wink and double thumbs up*

it looks like the upper hand, is on the other foot.

i guess they would say we could set this world ablaze

i have never tried to succeed at anything, therefore i have never failed.

#18    Dag Green

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 07:33 PM

Wanna beer?


#19    rashore

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 08:51 PM

"What do YOU want?!?!"

"Nah, I don't need to walk a line.. I can to this instead" And proceed to do stupid stunt X with epic fail ending.

"What do you mean I can't do that on a public highway? I'm the public! It's my highway too!"

"Your gonna have to hang on a minute officer. I need to finish this phone call real quick."

"This can't be the fourth time you've pulled me over. I only remember two."

"Before you open the trunk, let me say only that I want my lawyer."

"Crap you could use a breathmint."


Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Speeder: Yes sir, I had my cruise set to 94.
Cop: But the speed limit is 65.
Speeder: No sir, the blue shield signs have all been 94.
Cop: er, the blue shield signs are the highway you are on, not the speed limit.
Speeder, No sir. The little white signs are. I know, I've been driving on 65 for hours. Got a little lost on 55 for a while, but the speed limit has been 94 through all of it :)


#20    Order66

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 09:11 PM

I always thought this would be funny:

Border Patrol: "Sir, are you carrying any alcohol, tobacco or firearms?"
You: "What do you need?"

Posted Image

#21    the1truebat

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 01:17 AM

You'll never take me alive.

I am the guy with the stick.

#22    Order66

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 09:12 PM

You better call for backup.

Posted Image

#23    the1truebat

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 09:36 PM

I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!

I am the guy with the stick.

#24    Enoonmai

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 12:34 AM

Do you mind if I fiddle around with your riot gun while I'm sitting back here?

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#25    the1truebat

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 05:57 AM

What does this button do?

I am the guy with the stick.

#26    Dark Shadows

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Posted 10 June 2011 - 07:53 AM

Late one night a car was swerving all over the road. A police officer pulled them over and went up to the vehicle. He then noticed it was the local preacher, Father Goodfellow. The officer then asked him why he was swerving all over the road. He said he wasn't.
The officer immediately asked him, "Father, have you been drinking?" "No..." replied Father.
"Is that liquor in your bottle there Father?" suggested the officer. "No it's just water" answered Father.
The officer took it and smelled it. He then said "Father this is wine."
Father then burst "Praise the Lord, He's Done It Again!"

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
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#27    Lady_Mercury

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 03:25 PM

Was I speeding?  Crack'll do that to you.

Hey, are you on your way to a gay bar?  Are you George Michael?

Can I touch your truncheon?  or (You ARE happy to see me.)

My license?  Okay, could you hold my beer while I get it?

If you're gonna search me for drugs I demand a sniffer dog.

#Don't stand so close to me# (get it, a Police song?), or you could start singing Macho Man.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
- T.S. Eliot


#28    tipotep

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 12:29 AM

When you get pulled over by a female officer you need to tell her not to frisk you , other wise you wont be able to conceal you weapon :P
Tip


#29    MissMelsWell

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 12:51 AM

For reals, I actually once asked a cop if his watch was set to "bar time or something" (bar time is 10 minutes fast) after he pulled me over for turning left after 4pm... nevermind that it was 3:50pm. He doubled my ticket.

A girl friend of mine got pulled over for speeding and when the cop asked her why she was going so fast, she said to him "Someone wished me Godspeed earlier, so thought I'd see if it had kicked in yet" He actually let her GO! LOL.

Another family friend of my mother's once was pulled over at o-dark thirty in the morning and she said to the cop "Oh how nice! Did you stop me to sell me tix to the Kirkland policemans ball?! I'd love to buy some!" He said "I'm sorry ma'am, the Kirkland police don't have balls" DOH!

"It's time for the American people to stand up and shrug off the shackles of our government at TSA at the airport"  Ron Paul

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin

#30    Aus Der Box Skeptisch

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Posted 13 December 2011 - 02:07 AM

A friend who is a chronic speeder gets pulled over the cop says I've been waiting for you all day
The speeder replied I got here as fast as I could
True story

Edited by Aus Der Box Skeptisch, 13 December 2011 - 02:09 AM.

"Though I stand in opposition to you, I am not opposed to you. Night and Day stand in opposition to each other, but they are not opposed to each other -they are merely two halves of the same coin."




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