"Nah, I don't need to walk a line.. I can to this instead" And proceed to do stupid stunt X with epic fail ending.
"What do you mean I can't do that on a public highway? I'm the public! It's my highway too!"
"Your gonna have to hang on a minute officer. I need to finish this phone call real quick."
"This can't be the fourth time you've pulled me over. I only remember two."
"Before you open the trunk, let me say only that I want my lawyer."
"Crap you could use a breathmint."
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Speeder: Yes sir, I had my cruise set to 94.
Cop: But the speed limit is 65.
Speeder: No sir, the blue shield signs have all been 94.
Cop: er, the blue shield signs are the highway you are on, not the speed limit.
Speeder, No sir. The little white signs are. I know, I've been driving on 65 for hours. Got a little lost on 55 for a while, but the speed limit has been 94 through all of it
Yes, I am a cynical and jaded jacknape. I try to see all three sides of the coin- do you?
Late one night a car was swerving all over the road. A police officer pulled them over and went up to the vehicle. He then noticed it was the local preacher, Father Goodfellow. The officer then asked him why he was swerving all over the road. He said he wasn't.
The officer immediately asked him, "Father, have you been drinking?" "No..." replied Father.
"Is that liquor in your bottle there Father?" suggested the officer. "No it's just water" answered Father.
The officer took it and smelled it. He then said "Father this is wine."
Father then burst "Praise the Lord, He's Done It Again!"
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
-- H. P. LOVECRAFT
For reals, I actually once asked a cop if his watch was set to "bar time or something" (bar time is 10 minutes fast) after he pulled me over for turning left after 4pm... nevermind that it was 3:50pm. He doubled my ticket.
A girl friend of mine got pulled over for speeding and when the cop asked her why she was going so fast, she said to him "Someone wished me Godspeed earlier, so thought I'd see if it had kicked in yet" He actually let her GO! LOL.
Another family friend of my mother's once was pulled over at o-dark thirty in the morning and she said to the cop "Oh how nice! Did you stop me to sell me tix to the Kirkland policemans ball?! I'd love to buy some!" He said "I'm sorry ma'am, the Kirkland police don't have balls" DOH!
"It's time for the American people to stand up and shrug off the shackles of our government at TSA at the airport" Ron Paul
"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin