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The Bad Advice Game


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#1381    EllJay

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 02:07 PM

PS: I thought one needed a wireless wire for a wireless router...hmm, maybe I thought wrong.
I'm not stupid you know,... I'm just unlucky when I think
. :wacko:


I would think the fact of her being married is a hint of an relationship going on there with her and her husband....but I might be wrong.






Do you ever get the feeling that gravity and the dimensions of reality shifts when you are hangover?
Is there a spatial gyro-compass available, for us poor sods, to work our way around in a post-apocalyptic booze environment?

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"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1382    ouija ouija

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 02:39 PM

This is uncanny! It just so happens that I have recently put the finishing touches to a machine I have made which will: a) get you safely home from the pub/party(just make sure you type in your address before you start drinking), and B) steer you comfortably through those hungover hours. Would you like to be a 'guinea pig' and test it out for me? It looks like a larger version of one of those baby seats that have a circular tray all around them, and have wheels so that the baby can whizz around the house before it has learned to walk(although how the babies ever learn to walk when they spend all their time slouched in their wheely-chairs, is beyond me!). The key to the success of this machine is typing in all the necessary information before you hit the sauce. When you get home at night/early hours, remain in the chair and it will take you to work the next day. It even gives you a quick vacuuming and then a spraying of deodorant before it sets off!

I have spent most of today clearing everything out of my garden shed ...... it was so bad, I couldn't even get in there when I started! So now the yard and garden are both littered with junk that needs sorting and chucking or returned to the shed. Trouble is, I've totally lost interest in, and energy for, the job ....... where do I go from here?

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

#1383    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 05:06 PM

To your car. No, wait, first you look around and pick a short hose and a bucket from the scattered junk. Then to your car, suck out few litres of gas, be careful not to swallow. Pile everything up, rip an old shirt into strips, roll into some sort of rope, douse in gas, then douse the pile with gas, leave the rope sticking out the pile for few steps, lit its end with a match and step few more steps away. Have camera ready.

Woodpecker is working on the wooden electric pole. I might have mentioned that before, still, I could really use an advice on how to make sure the pole will keep standing for a while longer.

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#1384    EllJay

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Posted 14 September 2012 - 08:23 AM

Cover the part where the woodpecker goes to work with tinfoil and connect that foil to the power grid. Appart from having a nice light-show of feathers, smoke, screeches and fire, you might have dinner made for you right there.




Down the street lives this weird reclusive old cat . In the beginning it was ok , she had around 2-3 old ladies living there with it. But lately I have seen at least 10-15 old ladies in the window when I walk by. They dont seem to be that well taken care of either. Using the same dress all days, not even switching during Sundays or holidays. Plus their hair is a mess, haven't been to the hairdresser in at least a month it looks like, the blue in the hair is coming off.
The last I heard now was that she has 46 old ladies living in that small house, no windows open. The stench must be terrible. Imma about to call some authority. We cant go on like this. These ladies need to come to a home where they can be taken care of, or otherwise be euthanasied.
What should I do?


Posted Image

"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1385    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 14 September 2012 - 05:07 PM

Don’t be intrusive, let nature take its course. They will all be dead in few years, give or take few months. It’s not like old ladies can procreate anymore, so it’s like semi-legal shelter for the neutered, completely acceptable. And since they don’t procreate anymore, what do you care what they look like?

I’d like to donate some farts of mine, neatly sealed in a plastic bag, to a politician. Who do you recommend?

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#1386    EllJay

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Posted 14 September 2012 - 09:53 PM

Be careful, I saw on CSI that if you fart in a car the CSI-team can come in some 8 years later, catch your fart in a evidence bag and extract your DNA from it, yeah I tell ya. Your better of if you take a plastic bag and then curse into it, like: "you maddafakkahing POS..ete etc" and then close it up quickly and mail it to the politician of choice. Boy, will he be surprised when he opens that bag and hear that coming out.
Good luck, and swear little bit more just to be sure the bag gets full, cause sometimes the words seem to evaporate a bit.


I let my cat watch Stephen King's IT, no I cant sleep when he is around, he scares the $h|t out of me.
Do I need to call for Father Merrin?

Posted Image

"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1387    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 15 September 2012 - 07:52 PM

I had a cat like that... my posts seem to start with that line too often... well, I had a cat like that.

No, don’t call anyone. Face your fears alone. Talk to them. It’s very important you properly introduce yourself to them, stating your full name, birth date and so on and talk to them.

My washing machine ate a sock again. What should I do?

Posted Image

The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#1388    EllJay

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Posted 15 September 2012 - 08:07 PM

Put it on a strict diet of dirty knickers for a week, then you will see that it will stop eating socks.




I sent this picture to a girl that I'm fond of. The reaction I got back wasn't all that positive
How can I smooth things over?

Posted Image

"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1389    acute

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 06:07 PM

Send her some flowers, in the shape of a baboon's butt.


I think my recipe for everlasting gobstoppers has been stolen.
How can I stop Willy Wonka from poaching my ideas?


#1390    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 06:33 PM

Just mention the creepy b****** one more time and I’ll kill him myself and get you rid of poaching problem forever.

Long story short, I think I broke my leg a little today. What should I do?

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The 5 millionth post was Junior Chubb's fault :D
Laurent did nothing, but I had to mention him too.

#1391    EllJay

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 07:05 PM

Jump of a ladder just to make sure it's really broken.




Are the simplest answer always the wrong one?

Posted Image

"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1392    ouija ouija

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 08:13 PM

Hmm, sometimes ...... the thing is with a simple answer it's too easy to pick holes in it, whereas if you copy Helen's rambling style of response, people get lost halfway through and are in no position to query what you say.


The Harvest Feast season starts here soon. I love the feasting part but can't be doing with the 'entertainment': locals doing the same old 'party-piece' year after year. How do I indulge in the former and avoid the latter? (Keep in mind there's an entire season of this!) (It's a sort of practice run for the Christmas festivities)

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

#1393    EllJay

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 08:15 PM

Hmm, not much there to give a bad advice on.
Well, lets put it like this, should I always listen to the one´s giving me simple solutions to my problem or the more complex one´s?

PS:Oops, missed your post by a second. Ignore this post. :)

Edited by EllJay, 20 September 2012 - 08:16 PM.

"Opinions are like a**holes, everyone seems to have one" - Dirty Harry

"All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand... "

"I have a black belt in Feng Shui, the subtle martial art. I go home to you and move a lamp and a chair... twelve years later you lay there on the floor with broken kneecaps and destitute."

#1394    ouija ouija

ouija ouija

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 08:28 PM

View PostEllJay, on 20 September 2012 - 08:15 PM, said:

Ignore this post. :)

*ignores* :sleepy:

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

#1395    acute

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Posted 20 September 2012 - 09:11 PM

View Postouija ouija, on 20 September 2012 - 08:13 PM, said:

The Harvest Feast season starts here soon. I love the feasting part but can't be doing with the 'entertainment': locals doing the same old 'party-piece' year after year. How do I indulge in the former and avoid the latter?

Move to Burundi! It's the only country where obesity is compulsory and morris dancing is illegal.



I'm thinking of taking up wrestling. How can I avoid getting hurt?





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