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The Bad Advice Game


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1931 replies to this topic

#1456    ouija ouija

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:56 PM

Stop being such a wuss! March straight up to her, stand as close as possible and just stare at her .... no blinking, although the occasional wink would probably spook her. When she eventually walks away, follow her very closely, close enough to step on her heels sometimes. When she gets to her home, stick close and dodge in the door with her ....... I think by this point she won't be thinking of bothering you again, huh?!


I think I'm going to take the plunge this winter and hibernate! How can I stop nosey neighbours, friends, relatives from constantly waking me up to check that I'm not dead?

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

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#1457    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 07:19 PM

By making them think you are dead. Have your obituary printed. Make it reads you died somewhere abroad, like Maldives or Pušća Donja to explain why there’s no body or funeral or whatnot. You’ll have perfect peace and quiet all winter long plus a chance to make legendary surprise in spring. Have your camera ready when you go out after hibernation.

I wanted my body to be left in the woods - after I die, of course, but now I want to have a grave so it can be used for Halloween pranks. With my written permission. Then again, I also find funeral pyre very stylish and meaningful. So what should I choose?

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 05 November 2012 - 07:19 PM.

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#1458    Miss Shadows

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Posted 20 November 2012 - 01:54 AM

View PostHelen of Annoy, on 05 November 2012 - 07:19 PM, said:

By making them think you are dead. Have your obituary printed. Make it reads you died somewhere abroad, like Maldives or Pušća Donja to explain why there’s no body or funeral or whatnot. You’ll have perfect peace and quiet all winter long plus a chance to make legendary surprise in spring. Have your camera ready when you go out after hibernation.

I wanted my body to be left in the woods - after I die, of course, but now I want to have a grave so it can be used for Halloween pranks. With my written permission. Then again, I also find funeral pyre very stylish and meaningful. So what should I choose?
Win the lotto and get strobe lights, a disco ball, and a coffin in the shape of one of those drag racing mobiles, plus a fog machine of course! One of my best friends is getting married and I'm the maid of honor...what's that perfect gift for the bride-to-be?

American with an accent, Christian with a tat, sociopath with a heart, child with no mother, Lover with no Lover, confidently doubting, amused but not laughing, woman but child, feisty yet caring, sweet when not bitter.

#1459    acute

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Posted 14 December 2012 - 10:31 PM

Spoons!
She can eat from them, play them between her knees, and even invite them to dinner!


I live such a dull, sexless, miserable existance, I am thinking of becoming a monk.
How can I get the hair-do?


#1460    RedSquirrel

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Posted 14 December 2012 - 10:35 PM

A dollop of sterno, atop the head. Light with a wooden match for best results.

How can I find a way to make more money before the shopping season is over?

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#1461    acute

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Posted 14 December 2012 - 10:48 PM

File your taxes!
You will almost certainly be due a refund.



I'm thinking of becoming French. How can I achieve my goal?


#1462    RedSquirrel

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Posted 14 December 2012 - 10:53 PM

Draw a thin mustache on and eat a TON of raw snails while complaining about everything!

What is the best cure for an itchy eye?

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#1463    acute

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Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:12 PM

Strong mustard, applied freely, will effectively cauterize your optic nerve, thus rendering your eyes dormant and trouble-free!



I'm thinking of becoming inverse-vegan.
How can i make lentils with more meat in them?



.

Edited by acute alan, 15 December 2012 - 12:03 AM.


#1464    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 15 December 2012 - 12:09 PM

Find an insect species willing to spend their larva stage in lentils. That should make them rich in protein. If that doesn’t help, leave raw steak on kitchen counter. It will keep bearing handfuls of maggots that you can freely mix with your lentils.
It’s totally like growing your own sprouts, only easier, and totally like substituting a portion of meat with soya, only inverse. Just how you like it.

How can you tell if your fleas are wild or circus fleas?

Edited by Helen of Annoy, 15 December 2012 - 12:09 PM.

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1465    acute

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 12:37 PM

Cut the power to their amps.
If they carry on singing, they are 'show' fleas from the circus.



I'm thinking of opting out of my time zone.
Which daily event should I syncronize with?


#1466    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 04:52 PM

Changing of the Guard at the Greek Parliament.

Is it possible to sit at two chairs at the same time? Difficulty: the chairs are not in the same time zone. Practical solutions only, please.

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1467    RedSquirrel

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 08:14 PM

Human Bisection.

How can I avoid Carolers?

Posted Image   I support the majestic Pacific Northwest tree Octopus.

#1468    ealdwita

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 08:39 PM

A couple of these should do the trick....

Posted Image

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"Gæð a wyrd swa hio scel, ac gecnáwan þín gefá!": "Fate goes ever as she shall, but know thine enemy!".
I can teach you with a quip, if I've a mind; I can trick you into learning with a laugh; Oh, winnow all my folly and you'll find, A grain or two of truth among the chaff!
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#1469    ouija ouija

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Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:04 AM

My advice to people in this thread is very often: 'Don't beat around the bush. Tell it to 'em straight. Don't sugar the pill'. All this is the best advice for you now so that only leaves the question: 'What kind of physical protection are you going to wear?'. If Mrs.E. is the type of lady to hold a grudge for as long as possible then comfort and flexibility will be your main consideration as you will be wearing your 'armour' 24/7 for some time ...... Good Luck :tu:


I am beginning to notice early signs of dementia in myself .... how can I hide this from other people?

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#1470    acute

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 08:53 PM

The best thing to do would be to isolate yourself from other people by adopting a hermit-like existence.
Live on your own, in a village in the middle of nowhere, only interact via the internet, and free the mailman you abducted.



I am seeking a low-fat replacement for Danish Blue cheese. Any ideas?





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