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The Bad Advice Game


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1934 replies to this topic

#1486    Lcvec

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

Spend years training and learning martial arts. Make yourself a genius. Persuade a billionaire to give you his fortune and company. Find a way to grow a few inches.

Sunburns are making me look weird. What can I do about it?


#1487    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 05:11 PM

Don’t look at reflective surfaces, starting with mirrors. If you absolutely have to, spray it over. Any spray paint will do, but I recommend metallic violet. It will make your manliness stick out. After rigor mortis sets in.

Where’s my lighter? Which one of you wants me to live forever? What have I done to deserve this? So, where's it? Where should I look for it?

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1488    Blurfoot

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 10:30 PM

Smoke them cold, then they are not so bad for you, and they last longer!



How can I convince people that I am 'well read'?


#1489    Mangoze

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:06 AM

By having the works of Proust tattooed on your person.

How do I become a life coach?

Edited by Mangoze, 07 January 2013 - 08:06 AM.


#1490    PlanB

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:12 AM

Play a little professional life. Sit on the bench for a little bit. Get the starting life position when the the first string life player gets injured. Have a respectable life career and you'll be a shoe in to be a life coach.

How do I convince my neighbors to let me hang up Halloween decorations all year long?


#1491    Wordless Wanderer

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:26 AM

Hang them at their place.

How do I count how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

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#1492    Mangoze

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 11:50 AM

Just like Robin Hood you should use what you understood from childhood.

What is the best way to cool down in a heatwave?

Edited by Mangoze, 07 January 2013 - 11:51 AM.


#1493    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 07:43 PM

Run. As fast as you can. The wind will cool you down.

Speaking of running and weather, will I stay dry in rain if I run really fast? Do you recommend any special running in rain technique?

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1494    Mangoze

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 07:53 PM

Speed is not as important as a high stepping gait - remember "bouncing is better".  It's also helpful to wear a white t-shirt - white absorbs less water (this is why you don't mix whites and colours in your washing).

What's the best way to start a conversation on a train ride?

Edited by Mangoze, 07 January 2013 - 07:54 PM.


#1495    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:03 PM

First a nice, big hug. Let people know your intentions are good. Then you can immediately tell them something deeply personal, to start developing trust and don’t forget to encourage them to bond with you the same way. Yeast infections are great opening topic, an evergreen you might say.

Is there a conspiracy behind seemingly coincidental fact that people lose keys all the time while they rarely lose locks?

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1496    PlanB

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:37 AM

Leave your keys IN your locks on the outside of your house and car doors. That way, you'll always know where they are.

How do I get my cat to stop sticking its butt in my face?


#1497    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 06:18 PM

Blow in it. No, seriously, cats don’t like when you blow at them. Generally speaking. Though it might work ass-wise, telling people to do anything cats don’t like is bad advice.

So, when blowing in cat’s ass, how do you protect your face from getting disfigured?

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1498    PlanB

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:33 PM

Cats are known to be reasonable and obedient. Calmly assure it using your best Russell Brand impersonation, and the cat will, at the very least avoid, your eyes.

I somehow got a ketchup stain on my ceiling (this is 100% true). How do I remove it?


#1499    Helen of Annoy

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:49 PM

Don’t. Show it to everyone with pride and tell them it’s the blood stain from previous tenant who shot himself through the eye with cork screw launched by Champagne bottle cork suddenly bursting out. It went through his eye, brain and out the top of his head because he had rare hereditary condition that made his scull bone remain opened at the top.  

Should I seek professional help?

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Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1500    PlanB

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 10:42 PM

Depends on the prostitution laws in your country.

How can I wake up earlier feeling less tired?





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