Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


* * * * * 1 votes

The Bad Advice Game


  • Please log in to reply
1927 replies to this topic

#1546    acute

acute

    The Hedgeless Hoglet

  • Member
  • 2,217 posts
  • Joined:02 Jan 2012
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mercia

Posted 08 September 2013 - 12:43 AM

Horses can be easily and cheaply replaced by 2 people in a pantomime horse costume.



How can I eat chunky food without all that bothersome chewing?


#1547    acute

acute

    The Hedgeless Hoglet

  • Member
  • 2,217 posts
  • Joined:02 Jan 2012
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mercia

Posted 14 February 2014 - 06:18 PM

Anyone?
(I'm getting peckish)


#1548    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 21,926 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Croatia/Sucamore Beach

  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 14 February 2014 - 06:37 PM

Shove a tube, one of those found under any kitchen sink, in your throat, so that the chunks don't get stuck in your throat. Not only you won't have to chew, but you also won't have to swallow.

How can I speed up composting process in my compost heap?

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1549    ouija ouija

ouija ouija

    dimple

  • Member
  • 10,116 posts
  • Joined:20 Oct 2011
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:UK

  • I never walk alone.

Posted 14 February 2014 - 08:25 PM

P**s on it. No, seriously ...... I've done it myself. Lots of lovely enzymes stirring everything into action :D


I have decided to end it all by jumping off the cliff at the end of my road, but there's a problem. You know we've been having 110mph winds here? Well each time I jump off the cliff I get blown back 5miles inland ..... it's driving me nuts! Help please.

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#1550    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 21,926 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Croatia/Sucamore Beach

  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 14 February 2014 - 09:00 PM

Obviously, you need a large rock to fasten yourself on. And a trebuchet.

I just caught a live fly. What should I do with it?

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1551    acute

acute

    The Hedgeless Hoglet

  • Member
  • 2,217 posts
  • Joined:02 Jan 2012
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mercia

Posted 15 February 2014 - 04:18 PM

A fly is the perfect size to make an excellent exotic pet for a Lego character.



How can I stop my heating cycling on and off? I want to be warm all the time.


#1552    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 21,926 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Croatia/Sucamore Beach

  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 15 February 2014 - 07:06 PM

You can't fight the system. But you can burn your furniture.

What's the best way to get rid of the smoke in a room?

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1553    ouija ouija

ouija ouija

    dimple

  • Member
  • 10,116 posts
  • Joined:20 Oct 2011
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:UK

  • I never walk alone.

Posted 15 February 2014 - 10:24 PM

I suggest following your own advice and burning even more furniture. The smoke from the second lot of furniture will drive the smoke that is bothering you back up the chimney.


I need some new furniture but I haven't any money ..... any ideas on free improvisations?

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#1554    Helen of Annoy

Helen of Annoy

    devil's aunt

  • Member
  • 21,926 posts
  • Joined:21 Jul 2008
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Croatia/Sucamore Beach

  • Where there's a will
    there's a way.

Posted 16 February 2014 - 07:15 PM

Go to a furniture store and pick the pieces you like. Stick around and see who bought similar items. Obtain their adresses, by simply taking a look at delivery data. No one will stop you if you look like you're working in the store. If anyone does try stopping you, tell them "Go ask your boss who am I and why it is all right for me to use your computer." Until they're back, you'll have all the data you need and they'll have the reputation of non-medicated schizophrenic.
Now you'll need a raincoat and a gasmask. Show up at the doors of the owners of the furniture and tell them, through the gasmask - that will require some gesticulation too, that the item they bought has slight health hazard problem and they certainly won't stop you from taking it. You need a friend of two to help you carry the stuff, don't forget raincoats and gasmasks for them too. Also, don't forget to tell people the store will contact them for money refunds. And that's it. Simple.

How much sleep do I really need?

Posted Image

Have I ever lost the plot while reading one of your posts?
The will to live maybe, but not the plot...  -  Junior Chubb

#1555    ouija ouija

ouija ouija

    dimple

  • Member
  • 10,116 posts
  • Joined:20 Oct 2011
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:UK

  • I never walk alone.

Posted 16 February 2014 - 08:26 PM

Helen, I'm a little freaked out by your suggestion for obtaining furniture ..... why do I get the feeling it's a plan you've already carried out? :unsure2:
I would have thought you would not need to ask this. It is a well-documented FACT that people don't need any sleep at all!!!!! People only go to sleep because they are bored. They wouldn't know how to amuse themselves for 24hrs out of every 24 so this MYTH has grown up that we need to sleep for 8hrs. Night-time was chosen for this unnecessary period of inactivity as it's obviously easier to amuse yourself in daylight.


I want join in the Winter Olympics at Sochi(?). Which 'sport' would be the easiest for me to start with?

Life is all too much ............................................. and not enough.

It is only when you form your question precisely and accurately that you receive the true answer.

#1556    acute

acute

    The Hedgeless Hoglet

  • Member
  • 2,217 posts
  • Joined:02 Jan 2012
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mercia

Posted 16 February 2014 - 08:51 PM

Start with something less strenuous, like Caerphilly-cheese-eating.



How can I stop next door's dog barking?


#1557    Brian Topp

Brian Topp

    Dynamic Interactions Coordinator Of Paradoxes.

  • Member
  • 3,025 posts
  • Joined:10 Sep 2008
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Year next Tuesday!

  • My youtube channel, Has horror stories and skits.
    https://www.youtube.com/user/TheCreepyCorridor

Posted 11 April 2014 - 03:27 AM

You get a Duck, Duct tape the duck to a two pieces of green string. an easy bake oven, the duck will travel back to 1975 and will hit the man who was placing the fence down and he will have it knocked at a 70% degree angle, this will cause the dog to escape and live it's life under witness protection as a piece of cheese for prince Albert.

How do I express my feelings to a UM member that i like.

Edited by Brian Topp, 11 April 2014 - 03:33 AM.

It is easier to claim it is paranormal than taking the hard route and find out what really happened.


#1558    Maureen_jacobs

Maureen_jacobs

    Apparition

  • Member
  • PipPip
  • 340 posts
  • Joined:16 Jan 2013
  • Gender:Not Selected

Posted 11 April 2014 - 11:55 AM

You cyberstalk them.

How does one procure a claymore?

@maureen_jacobs ~ twitter

#1559    Red Howler

Red Howler

    Angry werewolf girl

  • Member
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,688 posts
  • Joined:10 Mar 2010
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Monster Avenue

Posted 11 April 2014 - 09:47 PM

It's best to look it up on Google to find out that one.

How do you stop flickering on touch screens?


#1560    Child of Bast

Child of Bast

    Queen of the UM Asylum

  • Member
  • 5,064 posts
  • Joined:17 Jan 2008
  • Gender:Female

  • The Mad Hatter: "Have I gone mad?"
    Alice: "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers.But I'll tell you a secret: all the best people are."

Posted 29 April 2014 - 03:31 PM

Stop touching it!!!


What's the best way to get out of doing something I don't really want to do anymore?

'A phantom,' said my Uncle Mycroft, who had just materialised, 'is essentially a heteromorphic wave pattern that gains solidity when the apparition converts thermal energy from the surroundings to visible light. It's a fascinating process and I'm amazed no one has thought of harnessing it - a holographic TV that could operate from the heat given off by an average-size guinea pig.' ~ First Among Sequels, Jasper Fforde




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users