45 replies to this topic

[Doctor_Strangelove]

HATHORS LAMP, on 21 December 2011 - 06:26 PM, said:

- Yes he will! The last couple of months Newt Gingrich has been attacking me of being using rich americans to blame my incompetence and my natural lack of leadership... For the records! Being a liberal like I am requires both otherwise Nancy Pelosy and Reid kick my butt away from the White House.

You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

[HATHORS LAMP]

Doctor_Strangelove, on 23 December 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

With all due respect Dr. Strange, I think that we should clarify a couple of points here:

First... I'm not willing to engage in a language debate here and second if I've never had the chance to see the inside of a 12ve Grade classroom is not the business of the American People!
We have serious artistic work to do here and if you want to have a debate about the term "liberal" FINE!
Tell me when and where and I send someone else!

Man... This is the artist's hangout site. If you want to talk politics you better go to U.S. POLITICS, as a matter of fact -derived by my lack of experience in this FORUM- I started this PARODY in the wrong place too. The administrator moved "my things" from the POLITICS department to this one and I'm glad he did it... HERE IS VERY GOOD!
So I suggest you to do the right thing and follow my steps left in the sand but in the opposite direction: BACK TO POLITICS!

If you want to stay here with me and the rest of the crazy people "living here" I suggest you to bring a joke or something.

THE WHITE HOUSE HAS NO OFFICIAL COMMENTS IN THE LIFE OF THE WRITERS IN THIS SITE!

Thanks for visiting us! Oh! One last thing... My English may be sucks but I certainly made some people laugh here so I suggest you trying to do the same for the sake of the Christmas spirit.

[HATHORS LAMP]

THE DAY AFTER THE STATE DINNER WITH JOSE
A happy president Obama enters his aides office to speak to JENNY
BARACK OBAMA
Jenny I need the phone number of the nearest liquor store, please!
JENNY
I handle it, Sr. Who you want to send a whisky bottle, Sr.?
BARACK OBAMA
Jenny I don’t want it to be a presidential order I want it to be personal , I just want the phone number.
JENNY
But Sr. ….!
BARACK OBAMA
JENNY, Do you want me to kick your butt and brake your funny eyeglasses with my bare foot?
JENNY
I get it right away Sr. !
An old lady aide who also starred in the movie “Clear and Present Danger” talks to Obama.
OLD LADY AIDE
Mr. president, Nancy Pelosi and Henry Reid are in your office, Sr. they say they need five minutes with you.
Once in the office sitting in his desk with both idiots standing in front of him. Jenny brings the phone number requested.
BARACK OBAMA
Thanks, Jenny!
REID
Who are you calling Sr. ?
BARACK OBAMA
I’m  calling the Organization for the Civil Unions of Pets, Reid! It’s is not of your business, Henry…
The two idiots leave the Oval Office leaving the president alone.
BARACK OBAMA
Could I get an outside line, please?
OPERATOR
Push the bottom that read “OUTSIDE LINE”, dummy!
BARACK OBAMA
This was easy!
Obama dials the phone number given by Jenny a moment ago.
BARACK OBAMA
Is this the presidential liquor store “TED KENNEDY”…?
STORE MANAGER
Yeah!
BARACK OBAMA
I’d like to order some bottles, please… wait a second, please.
President Obama transfer the phone line to Jenny.
BARACK OBAMA
Jenny… what is the State Liquor of Virginia?
Jenny turns to the OLD LADY AIDE for an answer.
OLD LADY AIDE
Tequila.
JENNY
Tequila, Sr.
BARACK OBAMA
This is a small world indeed, same as Mexican!
Changing the line back to the liquor store
BARACK OBAMA
I’d like to order two dozen, please!
(pause)
Line change
BARACK OBAMA
Jenny where are my credit cards?
JENNY
They were cancelled as well as your personal credit after you won the election, Sr.!
Line change
BARACK OBAMA
Well I don’t know if you recognize my voice… I’m the president!
(pause) …of the United State! Yellow….?
The two idiots are standing in front of the president again.
PELOSI
Mr. president, how are we going to handle the “GAGA ISSUE”…?
REID
We should have a definite consensus how to handle it…
BARACK OBAMA
The “GAGA ISSUE”…? There is no GAGA ISSUE here! I’m done here!

[HATHORS LAMP]

Doctor_Strangelove, on 23 December 2011 - 02:45 AM, said:

You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership.

In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language.

Nazi scientist...? I HATE THOSE GUYS!

Tell me some, Adolph, did you got stuck in "Dupon Circle" again?

[HATHORS LAMP]

OBAMA PLAYING POLL WITH BILL AYERS
BILL THE TERRORIST
Oh! Leon Sullivan called about the deal that you made with Lady GAGA…?
BARACK OBAMA
I forgot to tell you…
BILL THE TERRORIST
It’s a waste of time.
BARACK OBAMA
But it isn’t our time! Lady GAGA comes short with the votes and I don't have to buy her the OSCAR...… and everybody happy!
BILL THE TERRORIST
Also, Lady Gaga call to apologize this morning.
The president misses the shot.
BARACK OBAMA
Did she say anything about me?
BILL THE TERRORIST
About you…?
BARACK OBAMA
We made a duo singing one of her songs, I messed up with her wig… we didn’t have anything to eat but I thought there was a connection…
BILL THE TERRORIST
No, but I can waste more taxpayer’s money trying to send her a note before the State of the Union...
BARACK OBAMA
Yes… No! I don’t want Michelle to know about it, like the way happened with Bill Clinton! Lobbing using those leftist liberals from Hollywood is not the business of the American people!
BILL THE TERRORIST
With all due respect, Sr. but the American people have its own funny way to decided whether what and what is not their business!
BARACK OBAMA
I like her B.T.
Bill looks at Obama with curiosity.
BARACK OBAMA
Stop being my best political adviser for one moment!
BILL THE TERRORIST
Give her a call!
BARACK OBAMA
She didn’t say anything about me?
BILL THE TERRORIST
Well… she did say that you sound like a liar and a Marxist S.O.B….
BARACK OBAMA
That’s something!
Obama calls Jenny loud
BARACK OBAMA
Jenny! I need to track a number for me, please!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP, 23 December 2011 - 03:45 PM.

[HATHORS LAMP]

PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SITTING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM WITH B.T. AND THE JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF AND HIGH-RANK MILITARY LEADERS.
GENERAL NO 1
Mr. President, Iran is in possession of our drone and all negotiations to get it back have failed, we have our forces ready to attack when you give the order, Sr.
BARACK OBAMA
What is the estimate of casualties?
GENERAL NO 2
We will hit with everything we’ve got, Mr. President, We will drop thousands of your autographed books from the air causing significant damage to the infrastructure.
GENERAL NO 1
We will level the building
BARACK OBAMA
What  else are we going to hit?
GENERAL NO 2
Nothing else unless we miss…
BARACK OBAMA
Are we going to miss?
GENERAL NO 2
No Sr.!
BARACK OBAMA
What is the lower shift… the night shift right?
GENERAL NO 2
Yes, Sr. …mainly American tourists and CNN correspondents.
BARACK OBAMA
B.T.?
BILL THE TERRORIST
Sr. It’s immediate, it’s decisive and it is a proportional response.
BARACK OBAMA
One day someone will have to explain me how do you spell the words “proportional response”… Attack!
NEXT DAY IN A PRESS CONFERENCE
CORRESPONDENT NO 1
Mr. president is it possible that the Iranians could have mistakenly take the drone for a U.F.O.?
BARACK OBAMA
We specifically told the CIA to use DURACELL batteries to power the drone, they waited until our personal went to sleep.
PELOSI
Next question!
CORRESPONDENT NO 2
There are unconfirmed reports that LADY GAGA spent the night in the White House, could you confirmed that, Sr.?
BARACK OBAMA
We’ve just had dinner!
PELOSI
Next question!
CORRESPONDENT NO 3
Sr. would you comment on the status of the relationship?
B ARACK OBAMA
Folks! A lot of people were hit by my books last night, let’s keep the eye on the ball… OK?

[HATHORS LAMP]

BARACK OBAMA AND HIS BEST FRIEND BILL AYERS ARE PLAYING POOL AFTER LADY GAGA DECIDED NOT TO ENDORSE HIM FOR 2012 RE-ELECTION
BARACK OBAMA
“Eight on the hole”… You have a nice trip Gaga! Nebraska, the garbage capitol of the world… Good luck Gaga!
BILL THE TERRORIST
What’s in Nebraska?
BARACK OBAMA
Charley Reynolds’s adult movie production.
BILL THE TERRORIST
Listen… I’ll have Jenny to clear up your schedule for the rest of the week.
BARACK OBAMA
Are you handling me B.T.?
BILL THE TERRORIST
No, but I will if you don’t take your head out of your azz!
BARACK OBAMA
I bet your pardon!
BILL THE TERRORIST
Reid is right! Take on Newt Gingrich!
BARACK OBAMA
Has he lied?
BILL THE TERRORIST
Has he lied...?
BARACK OBAMA
Has he said something that it's not true?
Am I not a marxist community organizer? Am I not a president without a birth certificate? Am I not conducting a class warfare the day I told Joe the Plumber about redistributing the wealth?
BILL THE TERRORIST
And you think you're wrong?
BARACK OBAMA
You don't get re-elected telling 250 million people that they are!
BILL THE TERRORIST
You fight the fight that needs fighting!
BARACK OBAMA
Are you that good on fighting, cause I’ve never seen your name on a ballot!
BILL THE TERRORIST
I bet your pardon?
Why! Why are you always two steps behind me?
BILL THE TERRORIST
Because if I wasn’t, you would be the best community organizer in the poor districts of Chicago!
BARACK OBAMA
**** you!!!
(As he walks) Let Reid to have a copy of the state of the union address on my desk first thing in the morning!
BILL THE TERRORIST
Yes, Sr.!
Obama throw the poll’s stick on the table and head to the exit door to leave but before he does he poses a question to B.T.
BARACK OBAMA
(with a soft and sad tone of the voice)
If “Kiki” hadn’t die… Would we have won?
BILL THE TERRORIST
(Inquiring tone)
Would we have won?
BARACK OBAMA
Four years ago we went to VEGAS and played in those new ‘slots machines’.. If my dog “Kiki” hadn’t die from cancer… Would we have won?
BILL THE TERRORIST
I don’t know… but I would like to win the red corvette for the first prize, my best friend Barack Obama didn’t like those slot machine very much.
BARACK OBAMA
(Talking with a sense of regret)
Yeah…

Edited by HATHORS LAMP, 24 December 2011 - 01:54 PM.

[HATHORS LAMP]

NEWT GINGRICH CAMPAIGN’S HEADQUARTER. SNOWING OUTSIDE.
NEWT’S ACTIVIST
Merry Christmas, Mr. Speaker I bring a Christmas present for you!
NEWT GINGRICH
What you got?
NEWT’S ACTIVIST
Lady GAGA has an F.B.I. file!
NEWT GINGRICH
Oh please! My mother has an F.B.I. file!
NEWT’S ACTIVIST
Yeah but I got art! The picture is old and the faces are cover with wigs but that is Lady GAGA and that is a burning Barbie.
NEWT GINGRICH
(SINGING)
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

CHANGE OF SCENE TO THE WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENT OBAMA IS LEAVING TO A FUND RAISING EVENT.

BARACK OBAMA
(ON THE PHONE WITH ONE OF HIS EX-SUPPORTER)
Jerry, how many times do I have to appear on TV to rally those protesters? I’m practically daily in the White House press conference for God sake! (Pause) Jerry I don’t have time to discuss it I got to go...
JENNY
Mr. President, you are incredibly late…
Bill the terrorist enters the Oval Office giving a bad news.
BILL THE TERRORIST
I’ve just got off the phone with Georgia’s governor, people are out of control with those new Jordan air shoes, the Georgian police and fire fighters are in high alert and according to union members if the situation remains as it is it won’t be a pair of shoes for you, Mr. President.
BARACK OBAMA
You know what I learned from the masters?
BILL THE TERRORIST
“Don’t let a Christmas end without grabbing pair of Jordan’s air shoes”
BARACK OBAMA
We are flying tonight to Atlanta to avoid a disaster like that.
BILL THE TERRORIST
You are living straight from the fund raising, Mr. President.

ONCE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL LIMOUSINE HENRY REID AND NANCY PELOSI GET ON BOARD TO GIVE OBAMA THE BAD NEWS.
(BOTH ARE HAVING A SHORT ARGUMENT ABOUT WHERE THE NEWS ORIGINATED FIRST)

BARACK OBAMA
Guys! Do I have to be here in this “meeting”?
HENRY REID
I’m sorry Mr. President …
NANCY PELOSI
(Interrupting Reid)
It’s got a bullet!
HENRY REID
The third news tonight is that five years ago GAGA participated in a rally supporting a multi-color wig for the Barbie dolls and she was seen burning a blond Barbie in protest.
BARACK OBAMA
Let me get this straight! The third news tonight is that a person I didn’t know five years ago, burned a doll in protest where no laws were broken and protested against something many little girls were against and don’t exist anymore… out of a curiosity, what was the forth new?
HENRY REID
SEE…?
BARACK OBAMA
Newt is trying to find someone to swing the ball it will go away!
HENRY REID
Sr. …. with all due respect, I don’t think that is a good course of action.
NANCY PELOSI
(Resting importance to Reid’s advise)
You see? He is distracting you again, Mr. President.
BARACK OBAMA
Look! “Teddy K” liquor store! I need to get her some bottles of tequila! Stop the car I’m going to hop out a second!
HENRY REID
No! No! No hopping, Sr.!
BARACK OBAMA
(TO REID)
You think there is going to be someone planning an assassination in case I decided to buy some buzz?
HENRY REID
Maybe…
President Obama hop in the store and meet a drunken clerk on the phone with someone.
DRUNKEN CLERK
I’m telling you it was a PET PARTY in the White House… I’m telling you that KIKI wasn’t even there!
Hold on!
(The drunken sales manager is trying to concentrate in the direction of the customer)
BARACK OBAMA
Is this “TEDDY K” liquor store?  Do you remember me? Tequila… President?
THE DRUNKEN CLERK PASS AWAY FROM THE EFFECT OF THE ALCOHOL.
BARACK OBAMA
(Talking to himself)
The same guy, he was so drunk that he couldn’t recognize me…

[HATHORS LAMP]

NEWT GINGRICH SITS IN AN INFORMAL REUNION AT A GULF CLUB AND RESORT HOTEL IN WASHINGTON DC. HE IS HAVING A FRIENDLY DISCUSSION WITH POTENTIAL SUPPORTERS OF HIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012.
NEWT GINGRICH
Gentlemen I finally decided to make the announcement of my candidacy and I call upon you to support me with some financial details. I believe this is the moment to run a campaign on issues we couldn’t four years ago.
FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER
Newt, I think I speak for all of us here, the guy’s approval ratings are high and his popularity soars among independent voters…
EVERYONE BUT THE FAT GUY LAUGH AT HIM
NEWT GINGRICH
Gentlemen you have to excuse my friend, he’s been in a hunting trip in the North Pole, it seems that his I-phone have no coverage lately.
FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER
What’s going on…?
THE OTHER SUPPORTERS DROP DIFFERENT NEWSPAPERS ON TOP OF THE TEA TABLE  WITH PICTURES OF A CUTE BLACK POPPY TAKING A LEAK AND SPREADING DOGSHIT ALL OVER THE WHITE HOUSE.
NEWT GINGRICH
(SPEAKING WITH A TONE OF IRONY)
The President has a new dog called “BO”…

[HATHORS LAMP]

BARACK OBAMA ENTERS THE PRIVATE RESIDENCY AND FINDS ONE OF HIS DAUGHTERS PLAYING “CONGAS” THE LITTLE GIRL STOPS PLAYING AS SOON AS SHE REALIZES THAT HIS FATHER JUST STEPPED IN.

BARACK OBAMA
Oh! Don’t stop it sounds great! What is it?

LITTLE GIRL
(Answering her father’s question with a dosage of skepticism)
Scales…

BARACK OBAMA
Well… They sound great!

LITTLE GIRL
What is it that you hide behind your back?

BARACK OBAMA
(Showing her a shoebox with “Jordan’s air shoes”)
It took me the intervention of all my bodyguards and “Union Families” in Atlanta but I finally got it for you.

LITTLE GIRL
Thank you Dad! Dad why is GAGA mad?

BARACK OBAMA
Why? Is she here?

LITTLE GIRL
Yes… She is in your bedroom. Why is she mad?

BARACK OBAMA
(Answering the question as he walks to his bedroom)
Play your “congas”!

LITTLE GIRL
Were you a dork? Cause if you were a dork you say sorry! Girls like that.

(BARACK OBAMA ENTERS HIS PRIVATE ROOM AND FINDS GAGAUPSET AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING)

BARACK OBAMA
Hi GAGA! What are you doing in my room?

LADY GAGA
Looking for my purple wig, I love this wig and I couldn’t leave without it.

BARACK OBAMA
Why are you leaving?

LADY GAGA
I was cancelled from the OSCAR’s list; you know how it is with those jurors in the Academy Awards… It’s always something! If is not Angelina Jolie who is adopting a new baby is J-Lo marrying someone new for Christmas… Is always something wrong with them…

BARACK OBAMA
Where are you going?

LADY GAGA
Nebraska! Richard Reynolds offered me a roll in his new movie “Hot Wig Barbies”…

BARACK OBAMA
What happened with your old job?

LADY GAGA
I lost it! (Quoting) “Failure to achieve the OSCAR nomination for the best singer in movies”!
You know what happened here… I got screwed!!! You couldn’t get the votes to be re-elected and I got screwed!!!

BARACK OBAMA
The Hollywood unions got screwed, not you GAGA… Government is choosing, government is prioritizing I always underlined the fact that the HEALTH CARE legislation was my first priority.

LADY GAGA
Well then congratulation, Mr. President! You will pass a health care  legislation that it has no hope on preventing deaths!

BARACK OBAMA
GAGA, I don’t want an issue over that.

LADY GAGA
I’m sorry Mr. President… You have more problems than losing my friendship you just lost my vote!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP, 25 December 2011 - 04:03 PM.

[aquatus1]

Hmm...I guess you had to be there...

[HATHORS LAMP]

aquatus1, on 25 December 2011 - 08:26 PM, said:

Hmm...I guess you had to be there...

Hi aquatus! You lost me... be where?
You have to forgive me I'm a little bit slow
My I.Q. not even reads in the scale


Are you referring to this?

4 User(s) are reading this topic
1 members, 3 guests, 0 anonymous users
HATHORS LAMP
I never enter a place incognito. Now I'm here. you see my alias.

Edited by HATHORS LAMP, 25 December 2011 - 08:53 PM.

[HATHORS LAMP]

BARACK OBAMA IS HAVING HIS DAILY OVAL OFFICE DEBRIEAFING WITH HIS SENIOR STAFF.

BARACK OBAMA
Good morning, gentlemen! First of all I’d like to congratulate everyone here for the good job done. Four years ago we manage to be elected by the narrowest margin of votes in the history of this country, today the president approval rating is pretty good.

(turning to Pelosi)

BARACK OBAMA
Nancy I want you to keep the show on congress, I want to keep pumping more money from tax payers to lower income people…

HENRY REID
Are we going to cut taxes for everyone, Mr. president?

BARACK OBAMA
After re-elections Reid!

BARACK OBAMA
(turning to Leo)
Oh! …and Leo… stop being the nice guy with those republican in congress, do the same we do with the N.R.A. Ok?

LEO
Beat the heck out of them? I can do it!

HENRY REID
Mr. president, could I return to the subject for a moment? Cutting taxes would reduce government expenses and could help to create jobs…

BARACK OBAMA
(Using a harsh tone and serious but without taking his eyes from his agenda)
After the elections, Henry! People don’t relate jobs to government related expenses.

HENRY REID
(Putting his head down)
Yes, Sr.

The president stands up.

BARACK OBAMA
Well ladies and gentlemen if there is nothing else I would like you to return to your duty.

THE PRESIDENT IS WALKING WITH BILL THE TERRORIST ON THE WHITE HOUSE CORRIDOR.

BILL THE TERRORIST
Those people from Hollywood called today, they wanted to know if you would need their service once more. The UNION chief down there haired a new hot singer, LADY GAGA. I know her very well, she caused an scandal wearing raw meat instead of a dress; it was a worldwide scandal.

BARACK OBAMA
Ok!… B.T. Pelosi mention something to me today... I know she didn’t said it to me directly she didn't want to hurt my feelings, she suggested adopting a new dog after KIKI died...… Forget it!

BILL THE TERRORIST
Good night, Mr. president.

BARACK OBAMA
Bill… when we are alone and in private, you could call me “BARACKIE”.

BILL THE TERRORIST
I beg you pardon!

BARACK OBAMA
You were my wedding's best man and my best friend for cry no loud! You could call me "BARACKIE".

BILL THE TERRORIST
Whatever you say MR. PRESIDENT.

BARACK OBAMA

(Smiling at B.T.)

Good night, B.T.!

Edited by HATHORS LAMP, 27 December 2011 - 06:00 PM.

[Doctor_Strangelove]

This is insane. In the scary kind of way.

[HATHORS LAMP]

Doctor_Strangelove, on 28 December 2011 - 03:17 AM, said:

This is insane. In the scary kind of way.

INSANE is my middle name, what's yours? Guys like you have a hard time understanding what the concept of "Freedom of speech" actually means. Who call himself "nazi scientist"? but even more scary than that... why you nicknamed yourself Dr. Strange love? perhaps the "doctor thing" refers to Menguele? I wrote this crazy story for those who are like me INSANE, I think you better go back to poison yourself in politics...